All parents strive to create ideal conditions for their child to be happy, but sometimes they themselves unconsciously prevent this. Due to obsessive care and constant control, having matured, children are not able to overcome difficulties on their own, they lack leadership qualities. Parental mistakes in raising children have been thoroughly studied by leadership specialist and author of many books on parenting, Tim Elmore. He managed to find out what mistakes of parents act as an obstacle for their children to achieve success in adulthood.
Common parental mistakes in parenting
Parental Mistake #1. Don't let kids take risks
Danger surrounds us at every turn and, alas, there is no escape from this. Realizing this, parents do their best to protect their child, creating a kind of dome that will close the child from all troubles. According to European psychologists, children who were overprotected in childhood literally "shook at them"; (they were not allowed to play outside, limited in communication with other children, etc.) often in adulthood they suffer from various complexes and phobias.
A child needs to fall a couple of times: break his knee, fill a bump to find out what it is – not as scary as it seems. A teenager must survive a breakup with his first love in order to gain emotional maturity – this will help build further lasting relationships.
When parents try to eliminate all risks from a child's life, there is a chance that they will raise an arrogant person with low self-esteem and a bunch of complexes.
Parental mistake #2. Rushing to help is too fast
The current generation of youth has not been able to develop certain skills that were inherent in every child 30 years ago. Attempts to help your children in everything deprive them of the chance to find a way out of a difficult situation on their own. As a result, the child quickly gets used to the fact that in any case, someone will definitely help him. In adult life, when you need to answer for yourself and solve problems on your own, such a person turns out to be absolutely powerless.
Parents mistake #3. It's too easy to get excited about your child
In the 1980s, schools used the popular method "every – winner" when, after the competition, a medal was awarded to each participant. It was thought that this approach would make every child feel special, but it turned out that the method has unexpected consequences.
When parents always admire the child, he begins to notice that they – the only ones who think it's amazing. Children begin to doubt the truth of the parent's point of view. Realizing that there is no merit in being praised, they begin to exaggerate, cheat and deliberately avoid difficult situations. As adults, these children are unable to face or cope with life's challenges.
Parents mistake #4. Letting guilt get in the way of success
Don't be afraid to refuse your child, because in this way you will give him a chance to fight for what he really appreciates and cherishes. Disappointment will pass with time, but spoiledness can remain for life.
Children often ask for toys, sweets, etc. as a reward for their merits. When there are several children in a family, it is considered unfair to deprive others, therefore all children are encouraged for the merits of one child, who eventually get used to undeserved rewards. As a result, when the basis of relations in the family – exclusively material reward, children experience neither intrinsic motivation nor love.
Parents mistake #5. Do not share your own mistakes from the past
There will come a day when your baby will turn into a teenager and wish to gain experience of his own. Parents are obliged to allow him to do this, but this does not mean at all that they do not have the right to help him better understand everyday realities.
Share with your children the mistakes you made at the same age, but try not to abuse moralizing, because a teenager will instantly reject a lesson of this format. Tell your child about your experience and the conclusions you made then.
Error #6. Confidence that intelligence or giftedness – maturity prerogative
Intelligence is often perceived as the level of maturity of a child, which leads parents to believe that their smart child is fully prepared to face the real world. However, such conclusions are completely erroneous.
Child's giftedness in a certain area – it is not at all a sign that he can easily cope with any task. There is no cherished "age of responsibility" when a child can be given a certain level of freedom. The only sign that something has gone wrong – more mature behavior of your child's peers. Watch other kids – this will help you realize if you are moving in the right direction or not.
Mistakes #7. Teach your kids what you don't do yourself
The main goal of every parent – help in creating a model of mature life for the child, where he plays the main role and is responsible for his words and actions. In order to properly raise a child, you should first be the way you want to see him (responsible, decent, etc.). Children should learn from your actions, because as the English proverb says: “Do not raise children, they will still look like you. Educate yourself.
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