A moment of humor from the world of science: jokes that only scientists will understand

Despite the seriousness of their profession, mathematicians, physicists, mathematicians and other scientists, like all people, like to joke. Many people think that smart people do not have a sense of humor, but in fact, the jokes of scientists are simply not for everyone to understand, because they are certainly related to their specialization. We present to your attention a selection of funny pictures and phrases that will be laughed at by those who have devoted their lives to science.

A moment of humor for scientists: jokes of people who have dedicated their lives to science

Chemists

«Caution! Wet floor»

Physicists

– How to measure the heroic strength?

– We need to multiply the mass by the accelerator!

Somehow the pressure of one bar goes into one bar…

"I'm irresistible!" – screamed a vertically polarized electromagnetic wave as it fell at the Brewster angle onto a horizontal glass surface.

Physicists have a tradition that every 13 billion years they get together and build the Large Hadron Collider.

A physicist walks into a bar, pulls out a neutron, and everyone is like:
— Hey, what have you got? Neutron?
To to which the physicist replies:
— Calm down, it is not charged.

Genetics

— Yes it's bullshit, your genetically modified potato!
— Shut up. Will hear more — offended!..

Mathematicians

People are divided into two types:
1 type — people who don know what a fractal is.
2 type — people who know that there are two types of people.

Only an illiterate person on the question "How to find Lenin Square?" answers: "Multiple the length of Lenin by" the width of Lenin. A literate person knows that it is necessary to take the integral over the surface.

Mathematics and  physics were given to solve two problems:
Problem 1. Given a tap with water, a stove, an empty kettle. We need to boil the water.
Physicist's solution: pour water into the kettle, turn on the stove, put the kettle on the stove, wait.
Mathematician's solution: similar.
Problem 2. Given a tap with water, a stove, a full kettle. We need to boil the water.
Physicist's solution: turn on the stove, put the kettle on the stove, wait.
Mathematician's solution: pour water out of the kettle, and thereby reduce the problem to the previous one, already solved.

An infinite number of mathematicians enter the bar. The first one says: "I'll have a glass of beer!" Second: "I'll have half a beer!" Third: "I'll have a quarter of a beer!" Fourth: "I'll have 1/8 of a beer!" Bartender: "Wait a minute... I know your tricks — get two beers for everyone!"

Programmers

An optimist thinks the glass is half full. The pessimist thinks the glass is half empty. The programmer thinks the glass is twice as big as it should be.

If Rammstein were doing programming instead of music.

There are 10 types of people: those who understand the binary system, and those who don understand.

Biologists

Psychologists

— How many Freudians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
— Two. One will screw in the light bulb, and the other will hold the penis... Oh, then there is a father... Oh, then there there is a ladder.

— How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
— One is enough if the light bulb is ready to be changed.

About all

Physicist, mathematician and engineer standing in field. Each was given the same number of fence boards and told to fence in as many sheep as possible.
The engineer built a small but sturdy pen in the shape of a square.
The physicist built the pen in the shape of a circle, claiming that such a shape could hold more sheep.
The mathematician built a fence in a circle, he sat in the center, declaring:
— Assume that I am outside.

The billionaire decided to develop a method to find out who will win the horse race. He called a biologist, a mathematician and a physicist, gave a task, a million dollars and a year of time. A year later, a biologist comes:
— Well, knowing the exact pedigree of the horse, the success of its parents, what it fed, how it was treated, I can accurately name the maximum speed.
Mathematician:
—  Having the exact statistics of the previous races of these horses, I can give approximate results of this...
Physicist:
— I need another ten years, fifty million dollars, a few assistants and laboratory, but  ;I have already built a model of motion of an absolutely elastic spherical horse in vacuum!<

A physicist, mathematician, and engineer were given the task of finding the volume of a red rubber ball.

The physicist plunged the ball into a glass of water and measured the volume of fluid displaced.
The mathematician measured the diameter of the ball and calculated the triple integral.
The Engineer took out the "Table of Volumes of Red Rubber Balls" from the table. and found the desired value.

They are conducting an experiment on survival. An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician are placed in locked rooms. Before each closed chest with food. 

After a couple of weeks, the engineer's room is opened. The chest is open, the engineer is full, satisfied with life. Shows a nail — Here, he bent a master key from a nail, opened the lock. The chest is smashed to pieces, the physicist is full, satisfied. Shows a sheet with  calculations: — He calculated where the chest has a weak point, knocked, it and crumbled. 

They go to mathematics. The chest is closed, the floor, the walls, everything is covered with formulas. An angry, emaciated mathematician sits on the floor: —  So, let's try to go from & nbsp; the opposite. Suppose the chest is open...

The question was simultaneously asked to physics and mathematics: “In parallel. Antonym?' Physicist: "Sequentially."

Mathematician: "Perpendicularly."