Three rules from Diana Mashkova for those who want to adopt a child

She is beautiful, successful, has everything that many girls dream of in her native Kazan, — a career in Moscow, a loving husband, a sixteen-year-old daughter, a dozen books published by one of the largest Russian publishing houses… Instead of legally enjoying what she has achieved, Diana Mashkova cooks porridge, changes diapers and teaches little Dasha to speak —  adopted daughter, whom she and her husband took as a baby in an orphanage.

"Before taking a child from the orphanage, we thought for seven years"

— Diana, why? It's difficult, it's a complete unknown, it's something that some adoptive parents later regret terribly…

— Before deciding to take such a step, my husband and I thought for seven whole years.

— What was it that bothered you?

— I think the same as you. Everything that the mind can imagine. Poor heredity, possible health problems, including mental… As far as we ourselves can correspond to the new pace of life, state. After all, each family has its own microclimate that has developed over the years. And suddenly let in, not for the evening — for years, a person from the outside, with some other character traits, requirements for life… We discussed this with our parents, and they waved their hands: why do you need such a hassle, give birth yourself, if you really wanted a baby.

— Maybe they were right because of their experience?

— You see, my husband and I were worried about something else. We have been volunteering for a long time, constantly going to orphanages, bringing toys, delicious food, clothes —  but the kids didn't get any happier because of it. A child should have parents who will talk to him, bathe him, read poems, twist and turn… Develop.

— I had acquaintances who took a child, raised him, and he had a craving for theft. At first, they put locks on all the doors in the house, and then they simply abandoned the guy.

— We came to one simple idea: when a baby is born in a family, mom and dad also have no idea what will come of it, how a person will develop. Doesn't it happen that a couple gives birth to the first child without problems, and the second  — with cerebral palsy or another serious problem? In addition, life is so unpredictable that if you constantly think: oh, I will burn myself, I will fall, I will stumble & hellip; After all, in principle, it will become impossible to live! It is impossible to foresee everything. Everything that can be solved, we are ready to solve. Experience, thank God, there is. My husband and I went through very difficult periods when there was no money, we had to work around the clock to clothe and feed our daughter … It doesn’t matter if you are biological or adopted parents, it is important to understand what you are going for. Now, fortunately, there are psychologists,

"We didn't think about a small child, but tiny Dasha appeared"

 — Daughter did not protest?

— Yes, she pushed us: well, when, finally, will we go after our little sister?!

We traveled to quite a large number of guardianships with ready-made documents: I wanted to take a child up to five years old, I didn’t even think about a baby, remembering the sleepless nights in my youth. And as a result, we got a very tiny Dasha.

— And you went back to diapers and diapers?! What about work?

— This moment also bothered me for a very long time: I would not be able to practice my profession. But, on the other hand, adults can think in advance how to allocate their time in order to allocate it to household, maybe not very interesting duties, but without which the child will not grow up. And we, thank God, have grandmothers. They come and wrap us all in their love and care, and then I can work.

— And at what point does love come to the baby? At a glance?

— No. At first, you just try to honestly do everything that you are obliged to. Love comes in the process.

— And yet I never cease to be surprised: a beautiful famous woman preferred diapers and cereals to parties.

— I don't like parties. I love books.

— Diana, tell me: are you already thinking about who your children will become? Go to bed with your husband — and dream!

— Not! And we don't recommend it to anyone. In bed, you need to do something else. Will show some abilities, aspirations  — We will support them with all our might. The only way! Otherwise, there will be such a breakdown! Many parents impose on their children their ideas about their profession and their future… At best — these are ruined decades, at worst — ruined life.

Three rules from Diana Mashkova for those who want to adopt a child

Understand yourself. And — every member of your family. If you take the baby against someone's will, this person will say: you wanted — and you do it. More often, the opinion is generally this: — won't go anywhere! This can be detrimental to the child.
Work with a psychologist. Before. After. Parents and children in such families generally need constant support: not only psychologists, but also doctors, schools. It is hard for them, and the more people who are ready to support the family, the better the result will be.
Always, in any situation, try to negotiate. Child — it's a personality. The orphanage child does not know why one should not take, for example, other people's things or sit down at the table with dirty hands. Take the time to calmly and patiently explain everything to him. The easiest way is to shout, throw, put in a corner. Learn to understand each other.