Are you always satisfied with your sex life? Do you ever think that everything in it is not so perfect (or not ideal at all)? If yes, this article is for you. To understand the reasons for your sexual dissatisfaction and change it to complete satisfaction, to enjoy sex, you will urgently need to speak frankly. With whom? Of course, with you! As you know, a well-formed question can clarify a lot and show what you need to understand and change in order to find sexual harmony and make relationships even more pleasant and strong.
Sexual harmony – one of the important conditions for a happy family life. What partners don't always realize, however, is that satisfaction with sex isn't limited to what happens in the bedroom. It is a derivative of many factors: the general conditions of our life, well-being, self-relationship, how we treat ourselves and how we are reflected in the eyes of a partner. What is your degree of satisfaction and what does it depend on – try to figure it out by asking yourself frank questions.
During what periods did I experience the peak of sexuality
The ability to enjoy sex is part of our ability to enjoy life and ourselves in this life in the broadest sense. This ability forms the general background of our existence.
First – state of health. Lack of sleep and vitamins, prolonged stress, increased anxiety – all this characterizes the everyday life of the inhabitants of a modern city and often causes low libido activity and dissatisfaction with intimate relationships, which has nothing to do with the quality of the relationship itself. In a state of fatigue or depression, desires are objectively reduced, and we are not able to perceive sensual pleasures with due attention and joy, no matter how wonderful the sex itself may be.
If you think that your attraction is due to a certain age period or a former partner – perhaps this is just an excuse to avoid uncomfortable questions to yourself? Some of us are able to feel happiness only in hindsight, taking away our ability to enjoy life here and now. If you tend to idealize the past, think about the fact that those times, partners, even the former you no longer exist. The same can be said about fruitless dreams of paradise in the future to the detriment of the present.
Idealizing the non-existent, you irretrievably lose time, miss the precious opportunity to enjoy the current moment. To overcome the familiarity of relationships and open up to pleasures in your present despite age and the passage of time – this is what it means to take adult responsibility for your own satisfaction with this moment of being.
How do I measure my pleasure
You may be measuring your own satisfaction with the intensity of your orgasm. Undoubtedly, relieving sexual tension, you get real pleasure. However, reducing the pleasure of sex to the intensity of orgasm – it's like measuring the pleasure of food by its calorie count. After all, everything is important in sex: tactile sensations, smells, taste, sounds, the depth of merging with a partner, trust in him.
The ability to feel pleasure alone with yourself, when at the moment of orgasm the partner "disappears", and return to the pleasure of intimacy and merging at other times. If people trust each other, they are not afraid to make this journey to themselves and back to their partner, and enjoy without thinking which type of pleasure is more intense.
How I get the most out of it
Maybe you prefer calm and comfortable positions or those that defy tradition. In some positions, we feel excessive tightness or vulnerability. Or a large space makes activity not only possible, but excessive – and this does not allow you to relax and concentrate on the process.
Of course, anatomy should be taken into account first of all, because we are all arranged differently. In addition, many people prefer positions in which the partner cannot see their faces – this allows you to completely relax, eliminating the need to watch your own facial expression.
What circumstances, details of the entourage of the sexual act, what actions of the partner give you the greatest pleasure? What do you dream about in sex, what fantasies excite you? It is important not only to understand this, but also to be able to let your partner know about it. That is, continue the sentences "It turns me on if…", "I feel the most pleasure when…", "In sex I need to…" – and inform your partner in a correct, delicate and necessarily positive way, which can enhance your pleasure.
Do I talk to my partner about my dissatisfaction
It is definitely necessary to speak. But it is very important to understand how you do it. Do you want to hurt your Higher partner, take revenge or assert yourself? Do you want to express resentment? Or still make the relationship more harmonious and collected. Sexuality – a very delicate topic, and a careless word can cause serious psychological trauma. Persistent demands or reproaches make the partner feel guilty, and your relationship will turn into an obligation for him, which completely kills the spontaneous, natural – and from that such a precious desire.
Speak your dissatisfaction directly and don't point out your partner's mistakes – means to say "you are not good enough (a), attentive (a), active (a)" – and this is not the right way. It is much more tactful and effective to speak in a positive way.
By focusing on what you like most about sex, you orient your partner, set him/her up in the right way and help make your overall sex life more beautiful. Many believe that sexual harmony – it is a direct consequence and an indicator of the power of love. It is a myth. Two people can truly love each other and at the same time experience difficulties in intimate life at some time. Be careful and patient.
However, if you experience dissatisfaction constantly and this has a detrimental effect on your relationship – open up your feelings to your partner. Carefully, at the right moment and with the right words. If you managed to do everything right – believe me, your half will be happy to overcome misunderstandings together with you.
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