During his research, psychological bestselling author Tim Elmore identified the typical parenting mistakes that parents make when raising children, who program self-doubt in their children and pre-emptively limit their children's chances of achieving success in their careers and personal lives. We encourage parents (current and future) to read Elmore's material to avoid these oversights.

1. Children shouldn't take risks

The modern world is full of dangers that lie in wait at every turn. The slogan "Safety first" only reinforces the parents' fear of losing their children, so they surround them with comprehensive care. However, European psychologists have proven that if a child does not play in the street, he has never had to fall or peel off his knee, in adulthood he will suffer from phobias.

A child has to fall several times to understand that there is nothing wrong with that. Teenagers have to fight and go through the specific bitterness of first love in order to become emotionally mature and ready for a serious relationship.

When adults remove risk from children's lives, they breed arrogance, arrogance and low self-esteem in them.

2. Children need help right away

Education and education of children – complex and lengthy process. The current generation of young people have not been able to develop the skills inherent in children 30 years ago. If you rush to the aid of the child with all your might and surround him with excessive "care", he does not need to look for a way out of these situations on his own. Sooner or later, the child gets used to the fact that someone will always save him: "If I fail to achieve the goal or I make a mistake, adults will correct the problem and deal with its consequences." Although in reality the world of adult relationships is completely different, and your child runs the risk of being unsuitable for adult life.

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3. Children need to be admired

The "self-esteem" movement began during the baby boomer period, and by the 1980s it had firmly taken root in school education. The "gift for each participant" rule made the child feel special. However, according to the research of modern psychologists, this method of encouragement used in the process of raising children has unforeseen consequences.

After a while, the child begins to notice that the only people who think he's great are — this is dad and mom, and the rest do not agree with them. It is then that the child begins to question the objectivity of his parents. Although he enjoys being praised, he understands that, most likely, this is completely untrue.

As a result, the child learns to cheat, lie, and exaggerate to avoid uncomfortable reality, because he is simply not equipped to face any difficulties.

4. Feelings of guilt can overshadow good behavior

You must understand: a child cannot love you all the time. In this life, he will have to overcome a lot of troubles, but spoiledness can greatly hinder this. Therefore, learn to tell children "not now" and "no" to teach them to fight for their needs and desires. When there are several children in a family, parents usually believe that it is unfair to reward one child and leave the other deprived. However, it is completely unrealistic to reward everyone all the time. With such actions, you miss the opportunity to show the child that success depends solely on his own efforts and actions.

Important! Think twice before rewarding your child with a trip to the mall. When a relationship is based solely on material incentives, the child will feel neither intrinsic motivation nor unconditional love.

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5. Do not tell your child about the mistakes of your own past

There will come a time when a teenager will definitely want to "spread his wings" and start filling his own bumps. In this situation, an adult should allow him to do this. You should not assume that you cannot help your child navigate things and events unknown to him. Share with your child your mistakes made at their age, but try to avoid excessive moralizing about smoking, alcohol and drugs. The child must be prepared to face adversity and be responsible for the consequences of their decisions.

Tell him how you felt when faced with similar circumstances, what guided your actions and what lessons you learned.

6. Intelligence and giftedness – synonymous with maturity

Parents often use IQ as a measure of a child's maturity, under the mistaken belief that "an intelligent child is ready for the harsh reality of this world." However, this is not true. For example, some professional athletes and young Hollywood stars, while possessing great talent, still regularly get into public scandals.

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You should not assume that your child is talented in everything.

There is simply no magic "age of responsibility" or leadership when you need to give children some kind of freedom.

At the same time, there is a good rule for teaching and raising children — look after your child's peers. If you notice that your child's peers are more independent, it may be you who are holding back his development of independence.

7. What we teach children is optional

As parents, you must model the life you want for your children. Now it is you — the leader of your family, therefore you must adhere to sincerity in relations with others. Watch your misdeeds, because your child is watching you.

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If you do not want to go around the rules, the child will know that this is unacceptable for him. Show your child what it means to help others wholeheartedly and with pleasure. Make places and people better than they were before you, and then your child will do the same. We hope that the contrary advice we have given will help you make the right decisions in the course of the difficult task of raising a child.

Source estet-portal.com

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