The birth of a child is undoubtedly the most joyful event in the life of the parents of a baby. It is believed that the order in which children are born in a family can influence the formation of a person's personal qualities and, moreover, his fate. So, the first-born grow up more selfish, the middle children take the role of a peacemaker in the family, and the younger ones are gentle creatures who are used to being taken care of by everyone. We invite you to get acquainted in more detail with the opinion of experts on the topic of how the order of the birth of a child in a family can affect his fate.
The position of the child in the family leaves an imprint on the general attitude of a person towards life, himself and others, forms his way of overcoming difficulties. After all, it is in the family that we get the experience of rejection or acceptance, gain an idea of \u200b\u200bour own value, invent our own unique behavior in the group.
For the first time, Alfred Adler, an Austrian psychologist and psychiatrist, scientifically investigated the relationship between a child's birth order and personality traits. "Understanding a person," he argued, "cannot be complete if all the features of the family atmosphere in which he developed are not taken into account." The family is a living, developing, changing organism. Each of the children is born in unique family conditions and takes its own special place in the parent's heart. That is why there are no identical children who grew up in the same family. The way two siblings (children of the same parents) react to changes in the world around them is always completely different.
Oldest child
The older child is usually the most responsible, reliable and conscientious. He was born to inexperienced parents and becomes to some extent an instrument of their self-affirmation. They are proud of him, they give him to schools and sections, adults are concentrated on his achievements. It is the first-born who have the duty to be "surrogate parents" for the younger brother or sister and the responsibility for maintaining family ties in adulthood. Firstborns, according to studies by Norwegian epidemiologists, Petter Christensen and Thor Bjerkedal, have slightly higher IQs than their younger siblings. Although, it is quite possible that this is more the fruit of the initial energy and efforts expended by the parents than genetic giftedness.
Firstborns tend to be selfish and possessive. They remember well the time when they were the only ones in the family and the pain of the moment of "overthrow from the throne" at the birth of a younger brother or sister. Therefore, they strive for closer cooperation, crave the attention and approval of their parents, and have super-motivation for success and pronounced leadership qualities. They tend to be perfectionists, very demanding of themselves and others, which makes them highly competitive throughout their lives.
According to birthorderandpersonality.com statistics, 80% of CEOs in the world were firstborn or only children in their families. The eldest children in the family were also most of the astronauts and more than half of the US presidents.
Middle child
The middle child most often becomes the most independent of the family. The middle child in the family occupies the position of a peacemaker. Middle children get along well with others, are more independent and good mediators. They are flexible and diplomatic, but often show a rare stubbornness. They are deprived of the power and privileges of the elder, they are not spoiled by their parents, like the younger. Because of this, having the least chance of being loved by a child, he struggles with low self-esteem and inadequate perfectionism. Perhaps for this reason, the average child has the fewest close ties with family members and tends to build deeper close relationships with friends outside the family circle.
With serious mediation skills, middle children tend to be good at negotiating activities in business and politics. The "rebelliousness" of middle children makes it difficult for them to follow strict rules and exist in a hierarchical system. They prefer to work at their own pace and set their own goals for projects. Middle children love to be unique and do things their own way.
Younger child
The youngest child is a child "for the soul". Cherished by the whole family, he tends to be more sensitive, caring, affectionate, empathic and altruistic. These children are the most sociable and friendly. They usually have a developed sense of humor. They are not afraid to look funny, often become the "life of the company" or "clown" in the classroom. On the other hand, they are lazier and more dependent than their older siblings, often being self-centered, childish, and spoiled. They are born manipulators. Successfully applies moves and intrigues worked out on older family members in life situations. This is an excellent diplomat.
Younger children are more risk-averse than their older siblings and tend to be more secretive and sensitive to feelings of unfreedom and control.
Only child
The only child is very similar to the firstborn, but in a more extreme form. These children tend to mature faster, get along well with older people (and prefer to have adult company), have developed communication skills and are more perfectionists. They tend to be very responsible and focused, ambitious and focused on avoiding failure. They are characterized by high demonstrative behavior and the need for public evaluation of their achievements.
Only children are the center of attention in the family, which they do not like and are not used to sharing. Because they are rigid, inflexible, unable to see the point of view of others.
Of course, there are individual differences in how children are brought up, as well as factors where children do not quite fall into the described roles according to the order of their birth.
Divorces, mixed marriages, having children with special needs in the family, and the death of a parent all affect personality along with the birth order effect. If the family has one son and one daughter, or if the difference in the age of the children is more than seven years, most likely, each of the children will have the characteristics of an only child.
Of course, one cannot consider one's fate completely sealed in accordance with the order of birth. However, it is interesting and useful to be aware of the features, strengths and weaknesses of our own and those who are close to us. Indeed, according to the research of American psychologist Joshua Hartshorne, the order of birth in the family affects our choice of friends and spouses. So, firstborns choose firstborns, middle children connect their lives with middle children, and younger ones are more likely to be friends with or marry those who were the youngest in their family. Despite the saying that opposites attract, we choose to live and communicate with people who are similar to us.
Expert comment
Alla Chaikovskaya psychosomatologist, art psychotherapist, bioenergy, member of the Ukrainian Union of Psychotherapists, Association of Body-Oriented Psychotherapists of Ukraine, Ukrainian Folk and Alternative Medicine
www.psiholog.kiev.ua
Regardless of how the child was born, long-awaited or not, whether he pleased his parents with his gender and character or not, each of the children needs maximum parental love and care, understanding and support. No matter how grown-up the child may seem against the background of the younger one, he always remains a child in his soul, even as an adult. If parents have the wisdom not to make differences in the upbringing of children of different ages, but to instill in them mutual love for each other and respect for themselves, they will be able to raise harmonious, completely self-sufficient people. The only difference will be their inner worldview, laid down genetically. After all, even identical twins differ quite a lot in character and habits.
As for the firstborn, their special mission is reflected even in the Bible. This is due to the fact that the main karmic tasks of the family fall on them, they are automatically assigned great responsibility and greater independence in the performance of these tasks. The younger ones, as a rule, forever remain “small” for their parents, regardless of age, which is reflected in their character and behavior.
If you want your marital relationship to be as carefree as possible for you, look for someone who was an older brother or sister in a couple. In such a marriage, you are likely to be taken care of and forgive a lot. If you want to dominate - look for partners who were the youngest or only child in the family. These people are usually happy to let you take care of themselves. If the two elders can complement each other or begin to compete with each other, then the two younger ones will generously allow their parents to take care of themselves further.
Never forget - we all come from childhood, and children are the most skillful manipulators. The most important thing that a person subconsciously seeks to receive from his parents is love. After all, in every person there is a part from mom and a part from dad, that’s why the desire for parents is so great, for them to recognize us as exceptional individuals. And if in order to receive this parental love you need to become independent or helpless, the child quickly adapts to this, even if he does not like it. Don't force your children to play the roles you assign them. Try to create optimal conditions for the development of their individuality, according to innate character traits, regardless of the primacy of birth and gender. By doing this, you will ensure a harmonious life for them, and a peaceful old age for yourself.
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