How do zodiac signs drink?

Friday – it's time to raise your glasses, because there is a long free life ahead, consisting of Saturday and Sunday. But if you are going to drink surrounded by unfamiliar people, security recommends that drinking companions look into the passport in order to find out the date of birth. And then you never know.

Aries

The first rule of drinking with an Aries is: never drink with an Aries. If you are already drinking with Aries, try to sit a sober Aquarius next to you so that he takes you away in time. Otherwise, you run the risk of waking up in some Leningrad (wherever this city is located), after which it turns out that yesterday you married an elderly Russian teacher and offended a good man in a black faux fur hat. At the same time, Aries will sympathetically look at you with absolutely sober eyes and shake his head: "What are you like, we are a little bit." Well, if you are Aries, then you should keep in mind that other signs have a very strange physiology – they get drunk from alcoholic drinks.

Taurus

Drunken Taurus always pretends to be sober. Even if Taurus crawls along the floor like a snail, leaving a wet trail behind him, he is still sure that the evening has just begun. Taurus has an unshakable rule: take everything from life. All the money, all the sex and the house – full bowl. This applies equally to alcohol. If you are going to drink with Taurus, do not save money, otherwise you risk hearing something like: "Send a fool for vodka & ndash; he will bring one." However, two vodkas will not save you either: after them, Taurus will reveal to the world the beautiful-eyed Bychara and will spread everything he can crawl to: coffee service, geraniums, and your good relations.

Twins

The notorious duality of Gemini at the stage of intoxication recedes, bringing to the fore one of the incarnations. And here – if we get lucky. A cheerful kitty with a microphone and a summary of "You sing great!" or a gloomy fiend who not only hates everyone around, but also seeks to destroy them in every possible way. In the second case, Gemini's counterpart runs the risk of learning a lot about his appearance, about his abilities and about his life decisions. And in the morning Gemini will wave his hand – they say, are you crazy, offended? I was drunk.

Cancer

Get Cancer drunk – the only way to truly know him. The drunken arthropod master of disguise is open to the world and finally ceases to be shy. If you go for spontaneous sex of a sober Cancer – task with an asterisk, then drunk Cancer is already practically in the same stockings and everything is on fire. Of course, in the morning, Cancer will again crawl into its chitin and will suffer there silently, clenching its teeth.

Lion

A drunken Leo is no different from a sober Leo. Unless the number of decibels increases in direct proportion to the amount drunk. The sober Lion, talking about his prowess, adventures and victories, still sometimes pauses to breathe in a little air. But the drunken Leo does not need air at all. A drunken Leo needs to tell a story from the series “how cool I am, Lord” for the hundredth time, because in a company of twenty people there was one unfortunate person who for some reason had not heard this story yet.

Virgo

Why do Virgos drink – completely incomprehensible. Perhaps the soul of the drunken Virgin temporarily leaves the body in order to wander through the green fields with violets and grazing unicorns. In our sinful world, Virgo goes through three mandatory stages: “I'm so drunk” (after the first glass of a cocktail), “I love you so much” (middle of the night) and “Where is the aspirin?” (in the morning). A young hungover Virgo may discover in the morning that she is no longer a virgin, but she will never remember the details. Very convenient, by the way.

Scales

Libra is afraid to drink, but loves it very much. Because only in a drunken state do they finally stop weighing everything around and come into harmony with the world around them. The eternal search for a bright ideal is temporarily stopped, because this is the very situation when there are no ugly women. Stupid men, by the way, – too. All such darlings, bunnies and cats, that it is completely incomprehensible how it was possible to wrinkle your nose in aesthetic rejection of the Universe for so many years. True, in the morning, Libra, remembering how they managed to drink up to brotherhood with a man from a threshing and crushing technical school, becomes unbearably ashamed. But then in the morning.

Scorpio

Scorpio gets drunk exactly to the state of courage, and then abruptly slows down, continuing to pour others, at the same time whispering in a Jesuitic manner "I have a light hand." He's lying! Scorpios have a very, very heavy hand, and they absolutely love to laugh at how their victims are trying to get back on their feet. If you are planning to get a Scorpio drunk on purpose, for example, to drag him into bed or find out some information, it is better to shoot yourself right away. Because he will say: "Yes, of course, but let's first one more, I'll pour, I have a light hand." And then – yes – Leningrad, an elderly teacher and a kind person in a black hat. Drinking with Scorpios is only possible for those who dream of becoming a YouTube star.

Sagittarius

Sagittarius is an alcoholic. Or a teetotaler. Because Sagittarius has failed in life. Or succeeded. It is not at all clear how to drink with Sagittarius. In the first case, health is not enough. In the second case, you will die of boredom at about half the lecture on the dangers of drinking alcohol solutions. But be that as it may, once at the table with Sagittarius, do everything as he says. Arguing with him is harmful – he will either shoot you or be offended, moreover, the last – incomparably worse.

Capricorn

The consciousness of a drunken Capricorn is calculated by a simple formula: character to the tenth power plus the root of common sense multiplied by minus one. The state occurs after the third glass and then does not change, regardless of the amount drunk. The closed and cautious Capricorn, when drunk, turns into the soul of the company, which generously lavishes compliments on others and responds good-naturedly to jokes. Don't get fooled! The catch is that in the morning this bastard Remembers Everything.

Aquarius

Drunken Aquarius is able to turn the world around without being traded for such trifles as a fulcrum. He grabs a sheet of paper and gives birth to divine lines, rushes to the canvas and with three strokes enters the history of world painting, composes revolutionary economic models or creates a new religion. But, unfortunately, no one has ever seen it. As well as, in fact, a drunken Aquarius. Because usually a little tipsy Aquarius says: "You are here, and I went to sleep." And goes to sleep.

Pisces

If the fish – saw, keep your distance. If the fish drank a lot – run. A drunken Fish experiences the full range of emotions in four minutes, after which it repeats this cycle until it is able to move its gills. Just now she was sobbing in the corner because no one loves her, and thirty seconds later she is happily jumping on chairs, waving her panties over her head and throwing caviar at her drinking companions. And at the same time, she retells an anecdote she just heard in the first person as a story that happened to her just yesterday.