We are increasingly fantasizing about aggressive sex and are more willing to embody our fantasies. A recent survey by Psychologies Magazine France showed that 25% of European women allow their partner to spank them, and more than a third – bite and scratch a man during sex. At the same time, more than 60% of women play dominance and submission in their imagination. Why do we have such desires and why do many people like pain?
Demonstration of attraction
Aggressive behavior of males during the mating season – a natural and widespread phenomenon in the animal world. Human Relations – not an exception. A classic example of the manifestation of this biologically embedded program – boy and girl pigtails.
Aggressive behavior allows the animal part of our being to sound out and engage in sexual play, ignoring the social taboos that interfere with our pleasure.
Slap on the soft spot – an unambiguous signal of sexual interest from the partner. This action cannot be interpreted in two ways, as in the case of hints and halftones of flirting. The attraction we show by spanking a partner turns him (her) on and is the trigger that releases his (her) desire.
Emotional swing
In the human brain, the centers of pain and pleasure are located side by side. In this case, the excitation of one area (provided that the pain is moderate) is easily transferred to another. But the most important thing in these actions – bewitching anticipation, in which fear and trust in a partner are intricately intertwined. "Now it will hurt .. but not too much .. or it will burn .., no, it will not be able & hellip; it is gentle & hellip; or rude ..." . Fear-tense expectation-relaxation. This emotional swing multiplies the arousal many times over, woven into the sexual behavior of the couple who enjoy pain.
Achieving the peak of pleasure for some lies on a thin thread between pleasure and pain. Psychoanalysts see the roots of this ambivalence in the duality of the infant's relationship to the mother. Mom – source of love, warmth and food. She, who does not immediately offer breasts on demand, is a source of frustration and hunger.
Perverted Criterion
Is it perverted that people take pleasure in spanking and being dominated or subdued by a partner? Our sexuality comes from childhood, and the child uses every opportunity available to him at every stage of psychosexual development to satisfy his own desires. Freud called the child's sexuality "polymorphic perversion". That is, from the point of view of classical psychoanalysis, any sexual fantasy has touches of perversion.
How do you determine where the line is between play and perversion? In a harmonious sexual relationship, two subjects meet, and relationship satisfaction on both sides is their essence. For a pervert, a partner is not a subject, he uses a partner as an object to satisfy his own desires – no more.
Who is on top?
In nature, active drives, dominance and aggression are traditionally considered male traits, while passive and masochistic – female. However, people often prefer to borrow traits of each other's sexual behavior. At the same time, some prefer one single role, while others – slips from one role to another.
Dominant or submissive tendencies are often rooted in childhood experiences. In the child's imagination, a parent endowed with unlimited power, spanking him, experiencing pleasure from this. Later, in adult sexual relations, helplessness, fear and pain in his unconscious are strongly associated with sexual arousal.
People will implement this association in different ways. One – in a tendency to experience partner aggression, the other will identify with the parent and enjoy inflicting pain on the other and the heady feeling of control and omnipotence.
Each of the roles can be of both sexes. The alternation of roles "dominator-humiliated" is more difficult for women than for men. And it is often difficult for a representative of the stronger sex to open to a partner a desire to use force: a man in such a situation is afraid to seem rude and selfish and waits for the partner to ask about it herself.
Breaking Taboo
The manifestation of aggression is one of the most important cultural taboos. And sexual aggression is punishable by both public morality and the criminal code. This state of affairs is a condition for survival in society.
But people extend these prohibitions to all aggressive manifestations, not excluding the game. Not many people dare to voice their desire to inflict or experience pain for the sake of sexual pleasure. The reaction of society to such statements may turn out to be too bright and negative.
But all social regulations and prohibitions lose their force behind the door of our bedroom. The laws that govern there are established by the Two and can include everything that gives us pleasure, regardless of the value judgments of outsiders. However, in rejecting social taboos, one must set one's limits.
For some couples, it is necessary to use a stop word that indicates that the emotional or physical pain has become too much, or the partner's actions are too aggressive, and they need to be stopped. Others practice pronouncing the scenario before it comes true and, by the reaction of the partner, understand the degree of admissibility of the realization of the fantasy.
By embodying our fantasies, achieving mutual pleasure, we reveal our individuality to our partner, we become truly close. And at this moment, submission and dominance, passivity and aggression turn into a powerful source of pleasure and creative energy.
Source estet-portal.com
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