A big difference in the age of children: the secrets of parenting from experienced parents

Big difference in children —— a factor that can affect relations in family both positively and negatively. In many ways, it depends on what parenting methods the parents choose and how ready they are for possible problems. Often there are difficulties in the relationship of children with each other and with parents. The editors of estet-portal.com invite you to find out what what you should pay special attention to and how to properly educate children with a significant difference in age 

• How do children of different ages perceive replenishment in the family
• Children 6-9 reaction to appearance of a baby
• What kind of relationship does a teenager have with a youngest child
• Children age difference: what parents should do
• The main thing about rearing children with large age disparities

How do children of different ages perceive replenishment in the family

There are many families in the age difference of children is 10, 15, and sometimes 20 years. When a baby arrives, older siblings can react very differently. It depends on many factors: the age of the older child, his individual characteristics, the sex of the newborn, attachment to parents.

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It often happens that a wonderful relationship develops between children initially, but there comes a moment when something breaks. Difficulties arise suddenly, and parents do not know how to respond to changes. Let's see what to expect.

Read also: Worth is it to raise your child according to Montessori system

Children 6-9 reaction to appearance of a baby

If at the moment of the appearance of a brother or sister the child 6-9 years old, he still strongly attached to parents, needs their attention, physical and emotional support. At this age, children are already ready to give in, to compromise. They already understand that their parents love them, and can agree that part of the love will go to the youngest in the family.

Girls 6-9 years old play  "mother-daughter", and boys gradually realize themselves as future men, protectors. If a baby appears, older children can include them in their play activities. It's fine. Parents can only rejoice in such a relationship.

Another positive point: the baby relieves excess tension that can be between parents and older brother or sister. It is due to high expectations and  control by adults. When parents switch to baby, older children get more freedom, their failures and failures no longer seem tragedies.

It is important for parents to remember that older children still need their attention, love, protection. Good advice from  psychologists: set aside time that will belong entirely to the older child. Mom and dad should find 20 minutes to be alone with him, talk and, most importantly, listen.

What kind of relationship does a teenager have with a youngest child

10-15 years — this is the age of self-affirmation, the child's awareness of himself as a separate person with his own needs and desires. Teenagers aspire to & nbsp; independence. Rebellious moods can negatively affect the attitude towards the younger child. Here, it is important for parents not to crush the "burden of responsibility", not to turn the eldest son or daughter into another parent.

Adolescents are already developing an interest in the opposite sex, so relationships between children of different sexes often develop better than between same-sex children. Of course, individual personality traits matter.

Parents should show understanding if a teenager is having difficulty accepting a younger sibling. For many years the child was alone in the family, got used to the unshakable order, and now he has to adapt. On the backdrop of a hormonal storm, it's not easy.

Read also: How to speak sex and childbirth with children: advice from psychologists

Children's age difference: how parents should act

What what the difference in the age of the children — 5 or 15 years, — conflicts and struggle for parental love are inevitable. You will have to learn how to solve new problems and help children build relationships. Heed the advice of experienced parents:

• Help the children reach a rapport. Don't judge if the older child has clearly taken the little "competitor" negatively. Be patient. It may take more than one month for him to accept the fact that he is no longer the center of the universe. Try to calmly respond to a possible "revenge". With & nbsp; diapers, teach your baby to respect an older brother or sister.

• Don't shift the work at housework to the older child.There should be certain responsibilities, but schoolchildren are already overloaded with studies and circles. They need to interact with peers. Big mistake — often assign the older child to look after the younger. Don't deprive him of his childhood. Hire a babysitter if possible.

• Take care of the children's personal space.If an older child has to live with younger, it will not improve their relationship. And & nbsp; if the children are of different sexes, then & nbsp; this option is highly undesirable. The perfect solution — allocate a separate room for each child. If the apartment is not big enough, then the baby may well live with parents, and her child 10-15  — — no. A teenager deprived of personal space can take revenge with bad habits.

• Make time for your older child. Don don't tell him that he is already big and independent. These are just your illusions. Spend at least an hour of time with the older child, and it is advisable to spend at least 20 minutes alone, without the baby. Do not forget to be interested in school, lessons, relationships with peers. Let's understand that everyone loves the child the same way.

• When planning leisure activities, consider the interests of all family members. Let the children express their wishes for recreation and try to organize leisure activities so that everyone is happy. You can find activities that are interesting for both children, and you can plan different activities.

The jealousy of an older child will subside if he realizes that is just as important and loved as the younger one. He will be able to build healthy relationships in family, with peers, and in the future— with your own children. But don't rush to the other extreme, don deprive the baby of your care. Learn to clearly plan your time and your actions in relation to children.

Read also: Child development in society: how to instill good manners in children

The main thing about raising children with big difference in age 

Let your children feel that you love their s equally strongly, respect opinion and needs:

• Accept that the older child may not applaud the appearance of the younger. Be patient. Things will change over time.

• Help improve relationships between children. Consider their needs.

• Take care of children's personal space. If they are of different sexes, then the must live in the same room.

• Make time to be alone with your older child. Talk only about him, not family problems or other things.

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It's difficult — share love between two and more children, but your efforts will be rewarded. As adults, your children will respect and support each other for the rest of their lives.

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