Parental Responsibility — a difficult burden, even when ) ) ) ) giver-warm relationship. But often this burden is artificially made heavier by other people — friends of a son or daughter who, in our opinion, are a bad influence child.
In this case, tight control over the child looks like a natural solution to the problem. But, according to experts in child psychology, everything is not so simple.
Child supervision as becomes an 'adult'
At age 11-14 years the child begins a very responsible stage of life — cutting the "psychological umbilical cord" between him and his parents. This is what psychologists explain the desire of a teenager to get out of parental control at any cost. Such behavior can be demonstrative and the problem is often sharpened precisely in relation to friends.
Knowing your opinion about Igor from the fifth entrance», who doesn obey his parents, smokes and communicates with unpleasant people, your son can choose him as as his new friend. Moreover, your child may not like this Igor more than you. And he makes such a choice as assertion of his own position «I have the right to make my own decisions».
Unfortunately, such a situation can only be prevented — from the first days of a child's life, build warm and friendly relations with him. In this case, your authority will always be higher than the authority of "not" those friends, and a frank conversation will help clarify the situation. But if before that your relationship with the child was not in the best way, you will need to consult a psychologist. With the help of a specialist, it will be possible to form the right strategy that will allow to solve the problem as painlessly as possible for all parties.
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Controlling the child and his friends: what not to do
Often, parents, coming to desperation from their helplessness, begin to act excessively decisively or, on the contrary, let the situation take its course.
Child psychologists strongly recommend avoiding several mistakes that can lead to bad consequences:
Do not forbid your child to communicate with friends
Prohibitions and restrictions will only reinforce your son or daughter in the thought that you "are against them". Instead, clearly outline the boundaries of what is permitted. If a child considers himself an adult, he should behave in the same way: clearly separate the areas of rights and duties. So, he can only use his free time to communicate with friends: after he does his homework, he will do all his household chores, etc. Just like adults do.
Read also: Raising Teenagers: 10 Rules for Wise Parents
Don try to bribe a child
The desire to keep a child within the bounds of what is permitted often leads desperate parents to buy a game console, an expensive bike, a branded smartphone, and anything to show that we are better than your friends. But all you will achieve with — consumer attitude of the child to you. And he will build his behavior in such a way as to get what he wants.
Instead of unjustified purchases, offer your child a subscription to the pool, enroll in any section, go on an interesting excursion together, etc. At home, you can keep it in in any case (at least by peaceful means), but switch attention from "wrong" friends to what he really enjoys — simple enough. But remember, the suggestion must take into account the interests and hobbies of the child, and not your own.
Don't manipulate your child
Manipulation means everything that is designed to put psychological pressure on a child. This is a reference to non-existent heart attacks to make the child feel sorry. This is a comparison of his behavior with the behavior of another, "ideal" child to make his son or daughter look up to this character. These are threats to deprive him of pocket money or a promised gift in order to force the child to compare "benefits" relationship with you and his friends.
Instead, use the current situation to strengthen your authority. Did your child mention a argument with a friend? Talk about & nbsp; this topic, discuss options for solving the problem: how you can restore relationships. Did the child return from a walk later than promised? Calmly remind him to keep his word, otherwise your trust in him may be destroyed.
And most importantly, don't count on complete and unconditional understanding. Alas, it will come much later, when your son or daughter becomes parents themselves and understands all the difficulties of raising their own children. And until then — arm yourself with wisdom and patience. They will help you build a warm relationship with child and tell you what to do in difficult situations.
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