Parenting Teens: 10 Rules for Wise Parents

Воспитание детей-подростков: 10 правил мудрых родителей

Adolescence — these are just a few years of a child's life, but they change a lot for him and for his parents. Relationships are transforming. It is painful and often sudden. The upbringing of teenage children has its own specifics. It is no longer a cute baby who is just beginning to explore the world, to master the peculiarities of communication with peers and adults. The child overestimates himself and those around him. The opinion of his parents means a lot to him, but there is his own life.

Teenager: in searching for meanings and trapped in emotions
Raising Teenagers: 10 Rules for Wise Parents
Highlights on raising children during adolescence

Teenager: in searching for meanings and trapped in emotions

The greatest difficulties are caused by the upbringing of teenage children at the age of 12-17 years. During this period, the process of active development of the limbic system and prefrontal cortex of the brain takes place. The child's behavior becomes unpredictable even for himself.

The desire for momentary pleasures, impulsiveness, and difficulties with self-control often cause a teenager to commit acts that border on complete inadequacy.

It seems to parents that the child has been changed, and the efforts spent on his upbringing have gone to dust. It is not so. It is difficult for a teenager to control himself, he is guided by emotions. He hears and understands sound arguments, but is not able to orient himself in his actions.

The limbic system of a teenager is extremely plastic and sensitive. That is why he is looking for pleasure, new sensations, easily falls into euphoria and prone to experiments with alcohol, cigarettes, drugs. The most annoying thing is that the habits acquired at this age are very difficult to eradicate later.

The prefrontal area of the brain, which is responsible for willpower, is somewhat inferior in the rate of development of the limbic system. Hence the problems with & nbsp; self-control. Fortunately, a lot here depends on the behavior of the parents, their reaction to the actions of the child, because in adolescence he is easily influenced.

The hormonal storm throws the teenager into extremes. He grows up, searches for the meaning of life, determines his place in the world. His self-esteem changes, and often for the worse. Therefore, it is important for parents not to push the child away, no matter how he behaves. Teachings and instructions are meaningless, because emotions are stronger than sanity. And here is the understanding — what a boy or girl needs in the period of searching for oneself.

Raising Teenagers: 10 Rules for Wise Parents

According to statistics, only one of three teenagers considers mom and dad best friends, shares everything that happens in life, asks for advice. Almost 70% of teenagers do not trust their parents, they are afraid of misunderstanding, boring teachings. Pay attention to psychological tips to help maintain the trust of children:

Don't lecture. This is a pointless exercise. Your child is often not able to control his actions, and teaching does nothing to fix the situation. Instead, they will cause irritation, anger, and a desire to communicate less with you. Screaming & swearing — taboo.
Control yourself and learn not to be dissatisfied.The child still sees you as an important person in life. Your dissatisfaction hurts him painfully, makes him withdraw, close.
Separate the big things from the little things. Consider this: if the act does not threaten the life and health of your child, there is nothing to worry about. The rest — little things, albeit unsightly, even if it is an extreme hair color, piercings in all parts of the body, and a reluctance to learn.
Set realistic expectations. Take it for granted if your child has not yet become a brilliant musician or a straight A student. Work on improving your results, but don strive to ideal.
Set achievable goals. Discuss your plans with your child, work through the stages of their implementation, but divide into small achievable tasks. Don't overload a teenager.
Celebrate success. The upbringing of teenage children is based on the correct motivation and positive reaction of parents to successful completion of each task. Praise and encourage!
Let them make their own decisions. If the child's desires don't match yours, accept it and don't insist, but try to subtly persuade. It won't work — let the child do what he thinks is right.
Don't obsess over grades.Many teenagers drop out of school. This is very painful for parents. Try not to focus on bad grades, because you have long been convinced that happiness is not in 5.
Develop your abilities. Be happy if your teenager is interested in dancing, painting, web design, or the like. These are useful skills that may be more useful to him than good grades. Help your child develop them.
Accept the lack of ambition. It comes as a shock to many parents that their children lack ambition. This medal has a second side: if there are no grandiose plans for the future, perhaps you raise a harmonious personality that can feel happiness and without dizzying success.

You love your child and wish him/her happiness. If you're worried about problems at school, do a simple exercise. Divide a sheet of paper into two columns. In first, write down those qualities that are needed for study, and in the —— the ones that make people happy. You will see that these are completely different character traits. This will help you calm down, stop nagging your child for grades and calmly perceive his actions.

Highlights on raising children during adolescence

Remember, your task — help the child to form, so that by the 18 years he becomes a person capable of controlling himself and responsible for his actions. The rest — secondary. The most important task — not lose contact with teenager, keep his trust. Be wise:

Stop reproaching your child with grades. This will only make him hide troubles at school from you
Don't teach. This is the most unpromising model of behavior.
Learn not to be dissatisfied with your child. As long as he doesn do do doesn damage to his health and does risk his life everything is all right. Green hair, torn clothes, piercings, tattoos and loud music — little things.
Set achievable goals. Define tasks and don't too many.
Encourage success. Your approval means a lot to a teenager. Praise helps him form an adequate self-esteem.
Help develop abilities. If a teenager wants to learn something, that's fine.

The most important things — is to love, to communicate, to rejoice. Help your child to be happier, and he will become successful and educated himself, if he deems it necessary. The hormonal storm will pass, and the obnoxious teenager will grow up to be a decent person, as you and want. Please be patient.

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