How to speak so that children listen and understand the first time

There is nothing more important for the development of a person than communication with parents. The way it passes forms a lot of personal characteristics of a growing person.

Moms and dads are never perfect, they have a lot of problems and worries. But most of them love their children and want to build communication with them so that the children listen to their experience, take the best from it, so that they can negotiate and talk about everything with a small child or a rebellious teenager.

Including discussing his own problems when he needs the strength of parental support so much. estet-portal.com has studied the advice of parents, psychologists, teachers and is ready to tell you how to speak so that children listen. It's possible!

Content:
1. How to speak with feelings so that children will listen
2. Talk instead of affirmative questions so children will listen
3. How to talk about problems so that children will listen
4. What phrases not to say at all and how to replace them so that children listen

How to speak with feelings so that children will listen

Child feels what he does. In babies, this connection is obvious. But teenagers have already learned how to disguise it. But it's actually very easy to see a direct link between what a child feels and how they behave.

To be able to accept children's feelings – here is a lifesaver for those who want to establish communication with the younger generation. Many adults have the habit of "knowing better what you need." Many do not believe that a child, for example, is hot, although he keeps talking about it and makes him wrap himself up.

Remember – was it so that the daughter insists that she is very tired, and you insist that she should do her homework or wash the dishes.

"Don't be lazy", "Make one last effort" – ttypical phrases at this moment. But try to put yourself in his place. When you yourself are tired, do you always force yourself to wash the dishes?

So, here's how to deal with your son or daughter's feelings:

• in an impasse, try imagining – how the child feels;

• analyze – how would you feel if you were in his place;

• when talking to him, mention his feeling by naming it clearly – "you're tired, you're angry, you're scared";

• try to continue the phrase "Would you like in this situation…" - suggest options, discuss them, let it be realized in the child's head for a start;

• make it clear that you are not ignoring what your offspring feels – not what he should feel, but what he really feels;

• sometimes the child is frightened of his own negative feelings (jealous of his younger sister, does not love his grandmother) – make it clear that it is okay to experience them, name these emotions out loud to lessen the power of their influence.

Talking at the level of acknowledgment of feelings will make the child feel in a safe zone next to you. Do not try to impose what you feel – imagine how he feels. And then he will hear you too.

Speak instead of affirmative questions so children will listen

Oh, those innocent questions:

• "Why do you look so sad?";

• "Why didn't you take your pills?"

• "Why are you wearing that dress?"

• "Do you know how to get to visit?".

How do they sometimes deadly influence self-confidence – By the way, even adults. Didn't you notice?

Psychologists insist that it is better to replace interrogative sentences with – affirmative, because the former, as it were, add negativity to the emotions of a teenager.

After all, if he was asked a question, then it is natural to seek an answer. And this often confuses or draws attention to random mistakes, wrong actions, banal forgetfulness. And then the negative automatically passes to the personality of your child.

Try replacing the above questions with, for example, this:

• "looks like you had a hard day";

• «follow – Have you taken all the prescribed pills?

• "let's try on some more this";

• "I'm worried about you and I want to make sure that you get to visit quickly and safely."

How to talk about problems so that children will listen

Children often do things that we would hate to admit, which causes displeasure of adults. The sooner you talk about it, the better.

But don't allow intemperance in these conversations in your negative assessments of the actions of children, don't slip into common standard phrases that teenagers still ignore.

Here is the conversation algorithm for you if you want to discuss a specific issue:

1. Formulate it in one sentence, at the same time indicating how you learned about the situation – "yesterday I looked at your diary, there are only deuces in history."

2. Delicately express your attitude to the problem – "I'm worried," "I'm upset," "I'm shocked," "I'm surprised."

3. Try to imagine the development of the problem situation, indicating the global negative consequences in the form of your thoughts – "I imagine how you will completely ruin your relationship with your history teacher, you will not be able to pass the exam, you will not go to college, there will not be the job that you want."

4. Express a hint on how to do the right thing, not in the form of advice, but in the form of how you would like the situation to change for the better. At the same time, show your helplessness – “I would like you to pass all subjects with decent grades, to have a good report card at the end of school, to pass the exam in history, but I cannot control and force you daily.”

5. Indicate that you could help learn history if the child would accept this help – so you offer support but try to dominate the situation.

6. Here you can recall the classic phrase, expressing confidence that the child himself will make the right decision that concerns him – "I know that you will make the right decision, whatever it may be."

What phrases not to say at all and how to replace them so that children listen

Get rid of the following phrases and similar phrases in your vocabulary if you don't want to raise a loser:

• me at your age…;

• you behave right, I will love you;

• do it this way, otherwise…;

• nothing will come of you;

• only I know what to do;

• your number eight;

• it's hard for you, I'll do it instead of you;

• don't wait for what you want until you start…;

• only bad things can be expected from you;

• you are still too small to want…;

• and I told you;

• you always get in trouble…;

• knowing your skills, you could do better.

Repeat these words often:

• how glad I am that I have you;

• it's good that you came;

• you are wonderful;

• you are smart;

• it's good when we're together;

• I'm glad that you appeared in our family;

• I like you.

Remember that to humiliate a child of any age – absolutely impossible! The child will never forget this and, most likely, will not forgive you! And, of course, this will inevitably make his self-esteem inadequate. Positive affirmative phrases and expressing positive from communicating with a child and simply having him in your life will help to raise it.

Inevitably, there comes a moment when your child becomes less controllable and aspires to independence. Not every family passes the test of children's independence. Press – useless: You will either break the child or push him away from you, perhaps forever.

The only way to find mutual understanding at this moment – it's talking to a child and hugging him. If the relationship is already broken, tactile displays of love can be difficult. But know – even the most furry teenager needs them!

Never let your little adult's life take its course. This is the time – the hardest thing in his life.
And only parents can guide him along it with minimal losses and in such a way as to lead him to the right path. And without talking to the child, without the ability to convey information to him correctly, you definitely can’t do it. Our advice will help you speak so that the children listen to you.

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