The Karpman Triangle model of interaction between people describes the most common roles that people take in life situations. In total, the author of the theory identified three roles – victim, rescuer and persecutor. In this article, we will talk about the signs of each role, how it affects a person’s life and whether it is possible to leave the drama triangle.
The Role of Victim, Rescuer and Aggressor in Karpman's Drama Triangle
Life is so unpredictable that it is impossible to predict in what situation you will act in one role or another. Also, roles can constantly change if the relationship between people is complex enough.
The role of the victim
Victim – this is a person who feels absolutely unhappy, useless and completely helpless. The one who plays the role of the victim constantly experiences shame and guilt, tries to demonstrate as clearly as possible his inability to cope with difficulties. Such a person is in constant expectation of outside help, which unconsciously "calls" for Rescuer, and also considers himself unworthy of love, which causes a desire to harm himself by sending a “request” To the stalker.
At the same time, it is important not to confuse the real victim – a man who suffered in a fire, experienced severe grief and a dramatic Victim – a man who successfully hides behind his imagined helplessness.
Human Behavior as a Victim
- A woman constantly complains about her married life – the husband has become cold, does not pay attention to her, does not give gifts, etc. She pours her heart out to her friends who act as Rescuers. At the same time, due to constant reproaches, the husband himself can take the role of the Persecutor (aggressor), which will make the Victim take root even more in his role. Instead of constantly complaining and pouring out her heart to her friends, the wife could do self-development – sign up for dancing, yoga, start drawing. Perhaps my husband would look at her from a completely different perspective, and a productive sincere dialogue strengthened the result.
- A person complains to everyone around that he can't find a job. However, he does not take any measures in order to improve his qualifications and does not want to get a less prestigious position that will allow him to gain more experience. As a result – one takes the attitude of "no one can appreciate me." & nbsp;
The Role of the Rescuer
The Dramatic Rescuer differs from a just decent person in that he always helps, because he is sure that a person is not able to cope without his help. The rescuer is eager to solve other people's problems, while completely ignoring his own desires and needs.
There are 2 options – The Rescuer can find the Victim and fulfill her ever-growing requests, or will constantly run into aggression from those who did not want his help.
The Dramatic Rescuer feels superior, but believes that he can only earn someone's love by helping and “saving”. At the same time, such a person is madly worried that he will make a mistake and his help will no longer be needed.
Human Behavior as a Rescuer
- A guy who seeks to solve all the problems of his beloved.
- A mother who solves all the problems of her children, protecting them from the “difficulties of the real world”.
Unfortunately, such behavior on the part of the mother only leads to the fact that the child is not adapted to independent actions, which in the future affects relationships with other people, personal life, etc.
- The wife of an alcoholic or gambler – a typical example of a person in the role of a Rescuer. Such a woman in her own eyes looks like a heroine who overcomes difficulties and she is quite satisfied with this image. Stubbornly fighting her husband's illness, she does not realize that all efforts are meaningless until the alcoholic himself wants to stop drinking.
Role of the Persecutor (Aggressor)
In the Victim-Rescuer relationship, everything is perfect only at first. However, over time, the needs of the person in the role of the victim continue to grow, and he requires more and more efforts from the Rescuer. At this stage, the transformation of the Victim into the Aggressor takes place, driven by feelings of self-righteousness and offended pride.
Human Behavior as Aggressor
- Mother – The "rescuer" who sacrificed everything for her children all her life. When they become adults and begin to live an independent life, accusations of betrayal by their mother are heard in their direction.
- A person who is trying to find the "extreme", someone who can be blamed for their own failures. For example, when he cannot get a job, employers will definitely be to blame, who are simply not able to appreciate all his merits because of their limitations.
The Karpman Drama Triangle aims to involve as many participants as possible. People within the same relationship are constantly changing their roles in the triangle. At the same time, in such relationships there is no emotional intimacy and sincere expression of feelings. First, people hurt each other, hurt each other, then suffer in turn, and then they make attempts to save a broken relationship.
How to leave Karpman's Drama Triangle?
Step 1. Develop mindfulness – watch your thoughts, feelings and actions. This will help you understand in which corner of the triangle you are in various relationships and what role you try on most often.
Step 2: Change your relationship approach. This means that you need to replace the roles with
productive – Consider the Victim as the Student, the Rescuer as the Helper (Trainer), and the Aggressor as the Teacher.
If you notice that you often act as a Victim – start learning. When a person lies on the couch and does nothing, you can only help him by lying next to him.
To rid yourself of the role of the Rescuer – stop seeing everyone as helpless and weak. Do not do everything instead of a person, give him the opportunity to learn how to do it himself.
Getting out of the role of the Aggressor in the Karpman triangle is possible only if you manage to accept the people around you as they are and stop trying to change them.
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