The Stages of True Forgiveness by Liz Burbo

To recover, a person must first forgive himself. This stage helps to find self-love. Liz Burbo – philosopher, writer, mentor, and founder of the Listen to Your Body school, developed a multi-step system of true forgiveness. By completing each of the points, you will be freed from feelings of guilt and will be able to openly express your emotions. Find out in this article how to learn to forgive.

How to Learn to Forgive: The Stages of True Forgiveness by Liz Burbo

1. Determine your emotions. Be aware of what you blame the other person or yourself for, try to figure out what emotions it causes in you.

2. Become responsible. Show responsibility – means to realize that the choice is – you can react with fear or with love.

3. Be understanding. To do this, you need to try to put yourself in his place and feel his intentions. Imagine that he can blame himself and you for what you blame him for. He is afraid, just like you.

4. Ask forgiveness from yourself. This stage is the most important stage of forgiveness. Allow yourself to be afraid and weak, make mistakes, get angry and suffer. To learn to forgive, you need to accept yourself as you are at this moment, knowing that this is only a temporary state.

5. Feel the urge to ask for forgiveness. Try to imagine yourself asking for forgiveness of a person whom you have always condemned or accused of something. If after that you have a feeling of joy and freedom – it means you are ready for the next step.

6. Offer to meet someone who can be forgiven. Share your feelings with him and apologize for judging, criticizing, or hating him. It is worth mentioning that you have forgiven him if he asks about it himself.

7. Connect with the parent. Remember a similar situation in the past with an authoritative person for you – father, mother, grandmother, grandfather, teacher, etc.

It is important that this person is of the same gender as the person you just forgave. Repeat all the steps of forgiveness with him.

Tips

Give yourself enough time to go through each stage of forgiveness. One of them may take a day, the other – year. The main condition – sincere desire to go through these stages.

If step 6 is too much for you – It means your ego is resisting. Thoughts may appear that you should not ask for forgiveness from a person to whom you did nothing wrong, while he hurt or offended you with something. In this case, you need to obey your heart, not your ego, but its main desire – live in peace.

Don't be discouraged if the reaction of the person you asked for forgiveness is slightly different from what you imagined. Sometimes it is impossible to predict what will happen in such a situation. Just be considerate of the other person's feelings as you would your own.

When experiencing negative emotions such as fear, anger and sadness, people tend to blame others for it instead of accepting their imperfection and admitting weakness. In fact, fear – a sign that you need protection and reminds you that you need to look for protection in yourself. Anger helps you discover the need for self-assertion and listen more closely to your needs. Sadness arises when a person suffers from loss or fear of loss and learns not to attach.

If you can learn to forgive, it will be much easier for you to communicate with people and show your feelings. In addition, you will be freed from negative emotions.