The relationship of any couple, especially if it has already become a full-fledged family, cannot remain in the candy-bouquet stage all their lives. Sooner or later, everyone is faced with a period of grinding, and then the first crisis in a relationship. It is the crises in relationships, or rather the ability of the two to overcome them, that determines the strength of these very relationships.
In your relationship, too, did not everything go smoothly? Do you think that perhaps it is easier to leave than to often scandal over trifles? Do not rush to burn bridges – better try proven ways to strengthen relationships!
The best ways to strengthen relationships
Psychologists say: you should always try to save a relationship. Roughly speaking, you will always have time to leave, but the loss of a close relationship with a person can hit the emotional state much more painfully than you think.
Moreover, overcoming the crisis by joint efforts brings the lovers even closer, increases trust in relations and strengthens them.
The main goal of the exercises that we offer in this article and which are recommended by psychologists to all couples – creation of an emotionally healthy common space, freed from all kinds of manipulations. This will not only help to successfully resolve existing conflicts, but will also serve as their prevention for the future.
That is why such methods are suitable for both couples who quarrel mainly over trifles, and those whose relationship crisis is already deep enough.
First exercise – let off steam
Or, in other words, to relieve the accumulated tension. When negative emotions remain unexploded, they begin to poison us at the subconscious level. It is very difficult to constantly carry anger and anger, resentment, disbelief and despair in yourself, because in your subcortex you will be forced to constantly scroll the same thing in a circle.
In order for internal negative emotions not to be projected onto relationships, they need to be thrown out in a way that is safe for others.
At home, this is easiest to do in the old familiar way – beating pillows. Do not be shy: hit with all your might, shout, swear, you can even cry. Seems like a banal tip, but worth a try – and you will see that it really works! And in order not to be embarrassed at home, beat the pillow in splendid isolation when no one is at home.
Second exercise – learn to respect other people's boundaries
Perfect couples who do everything together and never annoy each other because they are supposedly "perfect for each other" are found only in movies and women's novels. The authors of which they were invented.
In ordinary life, hobbies and interests of partners in most cases do not coincide, and that's fine! Main – so that the basic values and views on the future and on the world coincide.
However, if a partner goes out to have fun with friends without you or offers a separate vacation, and because of this you are covered with a wave of anger and resentment, something needs to be done about it. Namely – learn to respect each other's boundaries and everyone's personal space.
It is in this space that we inadvertently climb into, rolling up a scandal to our partner for preferring solo fishing, for example, to a joint lunch in a cafe.
What to do? Put yourself in the place of another person as often as possible! Mentally, of course. Every time you want to make an unfounded claim (deep down everyone always understands whether their accusations are justified or not), think about how you will feel if your spouse forbids you to wear a miniskirt / meet gossip girlfriends for a cocktail / go where or without it. Quickly discourages the desire to "cut off oxygen" to another person.
By the way, the daily reading of the famous healing "mantra for the offended" will serve these purposes well. Osho. We will not give here her considerable text in full – readers can easily find it on the Internet.
Third exercise – remember why you fell in love
If the crisis has reached the stage when there is practically nothing left but mutual reproaches, dissatisfaction with each other, swearing and claims, it may seem to you that love has cooled down and it's time to leave.
Do not rush – better try to warm up your feelings again. And now we are not even talking about hackneyed clichés like romantic dinners and massages before bed (although this will not be superfluous either). Just for at least 15 minutes, but every day, think about how your love was born, why you fell in love with your partner.
If it's hard to get started, just answer yourself the questions: "What attracted me to this person in the first place?", "What good does our relationship give me? What am I learning from him?”, “What would my life be like without this person?”.
Exercise 4 – talk about your emotions correctly
It would seem that there is something complicated. However, each of us, in a fit of anger, more than once threw offensive "you-messages" in the partner's face. This is from the series "You are irresponsible", "Because of you, we were left without a vacation", "You do not care about everything" etc.
The bottom line is that these messaging attacks sound harshly accusatory, so they automatically force the partner into a defensive position. Who likes to be the cause of all the troubles? And it is quite possible that the husband’s refusal to go to the market in the morning for new wallpapers – this is not at all an indicator of his slovenliness, as you yourself thought up for yourself, but simply evidence of fatigue that has accumulated over a hard working week.
Shift responsibility for your negative emotions to your partner – this is not only unproductive, as it leads to quarrels. It is also an indicator of your emotional infantilism and unwillingness to take responsibility for the negative.
Try instead of "you-message" use "i-message". And constructively explain why you are suffering from his unwillingness to go to his mother-in-law together, since this is very important for you.
For example, evaluate how differently in the eyes of another person such phrases will sound: “You traded me for an evening with friends, so you don’t give a damn about me and our relationship!” or “I don’t like it when you disappear with friends for a long time without warning, because I feel lonely and sad.” In the second case, it is unlikely that the partner will have a desire to say nasty things in response.
It's not always easy to
community in a couple. But it's worth trying. We hope our advice will help you with this!
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