Parents – the closest people, because they gave us life. We have the strongest emotional ties, relationships of joy, pain, expectations and disappointments that remain with us throughout our lives. At the same time, we are separated by unresolved issues of power and control that have always existed and will always exist. Today, however, there are additional reasons why relationships between adult children and parents are becoming increasingly difficult.
In today's families, children have a lot of expectations
There are fewer children in modern families, and accordingly, the expectations placed on them are higher. In a normal family of the last century, there were six or eight children. If the relationship of one of them with their parents was not easy, and the other – moved far from the family nest, all other children remained close to their parents. Today, when families have only one or two children, broken relationships with them can completely destroy the parent-child bond.
Life expectancy has increased significantly. This means that the relationship of an adult son or daughter with their parents continues for a much longer period. In the current system of values, the family is not central and not as important as it used to be.
Family concerns are a low priority, if any, in decision making, whereas in the past, families lived in the same community, were involved in joint activities and the life of the church parish.
The huge increase in the number of divorces has exacerbated the weakening of ties with the family. At the same time, ties are often torn not only between mother and father, but also between parents and children who feel unimportant, forgotten by parents under the rubble of marriage.
Adults for children are the basis, and for parents, children are their pride
Given the peculiarities of the time, it is important to be able to save, and sometimes – try to rebuild those relationships. After all, both sides – both parents and adult children – interested in comfortable and sincere, warm and effective communication. For adult children, this is – their basis, which ensures the completeness of self-identification, their roots, the wisdom of which helps to maintain health and mental stability. And for parents, adult children – the fruits of their lives, their love and pride, support, and sometimes – communication with the outside world.
Communication, first of all, should be built on the principle of "adult-adult", common to all mature individuals, from the standpoint of mutual understanding, mutual respect and mutual acceptance.
Parents should accept the maturity of an adult son or daughter as a fait accompli and build new relationships on an equal footing. Loosen control, “remove the mantle of judge” and show maximum respect and trust in the personality of a loved one. At the same time, remember that adult children also need your spiritual support and acceptance, just like many years ago.
Adult children must first of all try to free themselves from the burden of teenage grievances and move away from the inflated expectations of childhood. Your parents – not supermen who are supposed to be perfect, they are just people with their own strengths and weaknesses. The ability to accept imperfect parents – and there is the basis of the adult love of a daughter or son. Realize that parents feel the need to communicate with you, even if sometimes it is expressed in strange actions from your point of view.
In the event of a brewing conflict, both fathers and children need to accept the need for a constructive discussion of the problem, an equal contribution to resolving the problem on both sides in order to preserve the main value – sincere soul connection in the present and future.
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