5 contracts of trust that will give a second wind to lovers

Feelings alone are not enough to build a happy relationship. Naturally, at first you don’t have to worry, because the beginning of the – a fabulous period when you do not quarrel, do not reproach each other, and most importantly – you do not notice the flaws in your chosen one at all. Over time, feelings remain the same, but the demands from both partners change markedly. Sometimes love alone is not enough, and in order to maintain relationships, you need to work on them every day. In this article, we will talk about five contacts of trust that will help you find new depth in your relationship.

How to save love: 5 contracts of trust that will give a second wind to relationships

1. Controlling parent: Non-disintegration contract. Partners must promise that they will strive to maintain structure and personal standards in the relationship, and will not resort to such sudden “blockages”:

• repeatedly threaten to end the relationship;
• hang up and “hang” on partner; 
• repudiate commitments made earlier;
• suddenly abandon integrity, order and hygiene.

If there is no such contract, the person can say: "I am free to make any decision on my own."

2. Caring Parent: The “protection” contract. It is assumed that the partner will make a promise to protect each other from pain and anxiety, and will always provide their loved ones with information and support. Thus, it is possible to maintain relationships due to the fact that partners get rid of constant jealousy, shame, excessive anger and uncertainty, learn to restrain themselves so as not to hurt the chosen one.

If there is no such contract, the person will say, "Deal with your feelings on your own."

3. Adult: Contract “openness”. Partners promise to always bring up all disagreements for discussion as soon as they arise. The conversation must be calm – no condescending tone, it is forbidden to interrupt each other, hide something and avoid discussing the problem. It is important to follow three rules of openness:
4. Bump topic;
5. Discuss the topic (negotiate)
6. Close topic.

If there is no such contract, the person says, "I don't have to tell you anything."

4. Free Child: Pleasure Contract. To maintain a relationship, partners must constantly give each other pleasure:

• in sex, asking your partner to do what you like and, accordingly, fulfill his requests;
• in a common pastime, not refusing a partner when he offers to visit a new place;
• in its individuality – reveal to your partner new, unexplored sides of your personality, this will help break the routine predictability of relationships and save love.

If there is no such contract, the person declares: "We can have a great time, but apart."

5. Adaptive Child: The Flexibility Contract. To save a relationship, you need to agree that each of the partners accepts a spontaneous willingness to give in to disputes, even if they are completely sure that the truth is on their side. In other words, both must realize that sometimes it is better to remain silent, agree, etc., in order to maintain relations and avoid quarrels.

If there is no such contract, the person says: “Apparently, our views on life are significantly different”.

It is important to learn to see the difference between trust and "blind faith" that arises under such circumstances:

• partners are determined that their contract will be perfect
• the contract was concluded in the absence of trust in the couple
• the contract was concluded without prior discussion of mutual expectations.

To keep love, you need to work on relationships, trust and give in to each other. Learn to build your own happiness and live in harmony with your partner.