All parents want a warm and trustful relationship with their children. And at at first glance it may seem that friendship with son or daughter — the perfect solution to this problem.
But is everything that simple, or can befriend a child backfire for you and them?
Psychologists are convinced that friendship between parents and children — a necessary factor that allows a child to grow up as a strong and harmonious personality. But only if a few conditions are met.
Befriending a Child: Define Your Goals
What can be the goals, you ask. Of course the same good relationship with the child, participation in his life and mutual trust. But not everything is so simple. According to experts in family relationships, the desire to be friends with children can be disguised as fear for them.
Playing the role of a parent — mother or father — we are limited in "means" obtaining the necessary information. But when a parent becomes a friend, he can easily ask son about plans for the evening, where with whom he is going to go. Or invite your daughter to introduce friends to her parents, try to constantly be in the know about her pastime.
Think about whether you really want a good relationship with child, or for you friendship — — is this an opportunity to take control of his life?
If the main goal — control, we have bad news for you. It won't take long for a child to recognize your insincerity. And when he understands that you deceived him all this time — even just a good relationship can be forgotten for a long time.
Read also: How to praise your child correctly and constructively: 10 tips
Friendship with children: how not to cross the line of reason
If your goal — really strong and warm relationship with child, built on mutual respect and mutual understanding, heed the following tips.
-
Respect the principles of confidentiality. When telling you about something, the child must be sure that this conversation is only between you and them. If necessary, involve a third party in the situation. you must assure the child's permission to this.
-
Lean your control gradually. Explain to your child that it is natural for you to want to control some aspects of his life, because you are concerned about his safety. But you will be much calmer when you make sure that your son or daughter is guided by common sense when making decisions. For your child, this will be a great incentive to "grow up" and respect the limits of personal safety, as this will mean an increase in the trust limit.
-
Don't lower your personal authority. Friendship doesn't mean permissiveness. And when a child really deserves rigor — don neglect parental responsibilities for the sake of friendship. Trying to play the role of "good cop" will not strengthen your relationship with the child, but your authority in his eyes will be seriously shaken, which will negatively affect the future upbringing of their respect for you.
Read also: Raising Teenagers: 10 Rules for Wise Parents
-
Play on the same team. Your child needs your protection and support, even in situations when he is not right. Got into a fight at school, broke someone else's toy, or committed another offense — in the presence of strangers, avoid any comments that would give an assessment of your child's behavior. The most you can — listen to the "accusations" and quietly say that you will talk to son or daughter. And only after you listen to your child's point of view on what happened, will you make a decision. Show your child that you are on their side. And & nbsp; any educational processes should take place outside the eyes of others and & nbsp; ears. Even if you plan just to have a strict conversation with —— make sure it's really a conversation, and not public humiliation.
-
Be sincere and honest.If you and your child have different musical or literary tastes — do not pretend that you are close to his hobbies. This is the most common parenting mistake, which, in the eyes of children, looks like what it is — hypocrisy. There are other, healthier ways to show your interest in your child's life and interests. Ask why such books or songs attract him, when he became interested in these directions, what his friends think about it. These simple questions, but asked with genuine interest, will help build engaging conversations that will help you and your kids get to know each other better.
Friendship child — quite a complex and delicate matter. As is everything related to the role of a parent. But if you take allies with wisdom and patience you will succeed.
Read also: How to get closer to a baby in 20 steps
You may be interested in: Stone massage or stone massage - what is it? Watch the video.
Add a comment