We are all familiar with the feeling of guilt. Some people think that guilt — it is conscience. It helps to avoid wrong actions — and it's good. On the other hand, if the fault — this is a way of self-punishment, then it is a destructive emotion. It ties us to the past and robs us of the joy of life. You need to get rid of this feeling. But it doesn mean that all your actions will be right, and you shouldn feel guilty for nothing.
The editorial staff of estet-portal.com helps to understand where the feeling of guilt comes from and how it affects our life. We tell you how to recognize and let feelings of guilt.
- Guilt: how to tell if it's true or false
- False Guilt: How to Get Rid of It
- How to get rid of guilty if it is true
- Don take responsibility for everything that happens
Guilt: how to tell if it's true or false
When we feel guilty, we know that we have done wrong and strive to make it right. This is how we accept the rules of the game in society and successfully adapt to society. But sometimes guilt doesn let go of a person for a long time. Such a negative feeling will bring nothing but harm. It begins to manifest itself in life in the form of constant failures and health problems. You need to free yourself from such guilt.
It is important to know that there are two categories of guilt:
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True. The person actually did something reprehensible and feels guilty.
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False. Occurs even when there is no objective basis for feeling guilty.
To identify your feelings of guilt, ask yourself:
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Did I deliberately hurt a person?
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Really has the person been harmed by my action?
If you answered no answer — this is false guilt. But if you answered yes to one question, then your feeling of guilt is true.
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False guilt: how to get rid of it
Let's consider a false sense of guilt on typical examples. It usually occurs in parent-child relationships, and vice versa — parent child. For example, a young mother leaves her baby to her grandmother and goes for a walk with her friends. She cannot relax. During the walk, she is haunted by the obsessive thought that she is a bad mother, and something irreparable will definitely happen to the child. Even though nothing actually happens. The child even likes being with grandmother, and mom needs to have her own time.
Another example. We are always children for our parents. But as adults we have an inner responsibility to call our elderly parents every day. If you don't call, your conscience begins to torment you: my parents raised me, and I forget to call them. We see no damage or harm from such forgetfulness.
How to get rid of false guilt:
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Realize what thoughts give rise to guilt. A mother who leaves a child thinks badly of herself, because she can spend 24/7 with her child. Or the person who didn't call his parents thinks he's ungrateful. His parents raised him, and now his duty — serve as emotional support.
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Find a logical error in their statements. In the first example, the mistake is that the mother considers it her duty to always be with the child. But this is neither physically nor emotionally possible. In the second case, the mistake lies in the false beliefs: only an adult child is obliged to maintain contact with the parents. But healthy relationships should be mutual.
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Rephrase your beliefs. Try to look at the situation objectively. So, a woman with a baby can say to herself: "I" spend all the time with a "child," I'm a good mother. But I must also have time to rest. In the case of parents, you can say: "I love my parents, but they can show me their love too. Our interests must be common.”
After going through these three steps, you can understand that guilt grows out of wrong attitudes. They have nothing to do with real life. Change your statements, and you will easily get rid of feeling of false guilt.
How to get rid of guilty if it is true
If the negativity that accumulates in you begins to manifest itself in life, then this feeling of guilt must be disposed of .
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First thing to do — admit your guilt. Don justify your act, don deceive yourself. Try to find a mistake in your actions and draw conclusions from the situation. Self-digging and self-flagellation are destructive and harmful.
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Identify the reason for the feeling of guilt. Analyze the situation not superficially, but calmly and in detail. From this begins a healthy logic that will allow you to draw the right conclusions.
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Discuss the problem with a loved one. Talk about the situation that caused the painful feeling. Your interlocutor should listen and give constructive advice. Main — find a person in front of whom you do not feel shame and will be as frank as possible. Such conversations will help to get rid of the sore situation. After them, you will feel relieved.
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Describe your problem on paper if you don don't want to tell anyone about it.Don leave out a single detail. Be sure to indicate what act caused the feeling of guilt. Remember every detail. Then read and burn this sheet. In this way, you relieve internal tension and get rid of negativity.
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Learn to learn and to draw the right conclusions. This will help in the future not to get into similar situations.
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Atone for guilt.Apologize to the person you delivered an embarrassing moment to. Try to make amends for the damage or do a good deed in return.
See a psychologist if the the above doesn help. In life there are very difficult situations with which it is impossible to cope on your own.
A person may blame himself for an accident or the death of a loved one. Each time, recalling the tragic situation, he blames himself for not being able to protect his loved ones from the tragedy. Such internal self-flagellation can last for years, corroding the soul and destroying life.
Read also: Ahedonia: what it is and how to deal with it
Don take responsibility for everything that happens
We can't change the past. Our life — it is not only the totality of our desires, decisions and actions. Everything that happens is influenced by subjective factors, sometimes beyond our control. Take full responsibility for what is happening — not properly. Our victories and mistakes — this is an experience. He should teach us something. Then we will not be slaves of our feelings, but become masters of situations. Only then we will be able to manage our lives.
Read also: Positive Affirmations: How to Make them Work
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