A child comes into this world absolutely helpless and infinitely touching. And, of course, loving parents are ready to make every effort to surround him with care and tenderness, protect him from all dangers and prevent any desires. However, if for a baby from the first day of life such care – is the only possible way to live, grow and develop, then for rapidly growing children, overprotection can bring many negative consequences.
How to protect a child from adversity, problems and fatal mistakes, but at the same time teach him to be an independent, successful person and self-confident? Together with estet-portal.com we will learn how to avoid some typical mistakes in raising children, which often make by many overprotective parents.
1. Overprotection: care that impedes personal development
2. We know how to protect a child from problems
3. Why do parents act like this
4. Negative consequences of overprotection of children
5. How to help your child become independent
Overprotection: care that impedes personal development
Child care – a completely normal and natural manifestation of parental love. The kid is completely dependent on the parents, and therefore their direct task – provide him with all the opportunities for growth, intellectual, moral and physical development. However, very often many modern loving and very responsible parents show concern in a somewhat peculiar way, depriving the child of the slightest chance to show independence. They seek to satisfy all his needs, "working ahead of the curve"; - after all, they are adults and know better when and how much the baby should eat, sleep or walk, and also, they know how to protect the child from everything!
Perhaps this behavior seems like an exciting game to them? However, the child is still too young to protest against too intrusive parental care. What happens when the baby grows up?
Alas, it is difficult for many parents to realize the main goal of the educational process, which can be considered achieved if the son or daughter is quite ready for an independent life, knows how to make important decisions, take the initiative and take responsibility for their actions. They continue to stifle the slightest sprouts of independence, even when the grown child is on the verge of adulthood or even starts talking about creating his own family.
How to resist and not cross the thin line between fully justified care and overprotection, which hinders harmonious development personality?
We know how to protect the child from problems
Before answering the main question and finding out how to protect a child from all the dangers of modern life, without interfering with the normal process of forming his personality, let's try to understand the characteristic features of this fairly common phenomenon.
Too obsessive care has two poles, which, in some cases, does not prevent them from coexisting in the same family:
• In the first case, the child receives absolutely everything ready-made - caring fathers and mothers not only fulfill any whims of their beloved child, but try to plan his life for many years to come, presenting the most important decisions in finished form. How to protect the child from all problems in the present and future? They are sure they know the answer to this question!
Such behavior is a kind of attempt to provide a son or daughter with a long-term supply of family happiness and career growth. Needless to say, the emotions of a child (and then a boy or girl) do not play a role. Usually such parents tend to reproach their children with black ingratitude, because they have put in so much effort!
• But there is also a second type of caring and loving fathers and mothers, who not only present the child (and then the teenager!) with ready-made, well-thought-out decisions for him, but also tightly control the fulfillment of many invented conditions. Perhaps you had to observe a situation where the daily routine of a child is scheduled literally by the minute? After classes at school, you need to be in time for the sports section, then not be late for a lesson at a music school, but at home you can relax and entertain yourself with homework.
Free time or socializing with friends is also under strict control. At the same time, not all parents who show concern in this way achieve obedience with punishments. Very often they cleverly manipulate the child's feelings.
Why do parents behave like this
Of course, such behavior of parents is due to many psychological reasons, conscious and unconscious fears. We will give some of the most typical reasons that make parents take too active, excessive care for their baby.
1. The leader in our rating is the fear of losing a child. There can be any number of reasons for the formation of such fears: the soreness and fragility of the baby, a lot of negative information about children with whom trouble has happened.
2. The perfectionism of parents, who strive to give their child the very best without worrying too much about whether or not they will like it can be an important factor that generates overprotection.
3. The fear of losing touch with a child often leads older parents to intervene in the personal and family life of their children. Such "concern" makes them feel needed again by their unreasonable baby, even if he has long grown up and is raising his own children.
4. Paradoxical as it may seem, parents who have been deprived of the attention of their elders in childhood can show overprotection. Having managed to “break wood”, they strive to at any cost to protect their son or daughter from possible mistakes, and therefore prevent him from learning life and gaining his own invaluable experience.
Negative Consequences of Child Overprotection
It should not be thought that absolutely all children surrounded by such obsessive care are absolutely unhappy and hourly dream of the longed-for freedom from vigilant parental control. The pattern of behavior learned from the very first days of life seems quite acceptable to many of them.
Children growing up in greenhouses conditions surrounded by round-the-clock care of adults are often quite satisfied with their lives and get used to go with the flow. Difficulties and problems arise only when laziness, passivity and infantilism, carefully nurtured by parents, prevent you from responding adequately and quickly in non-standard situations.
It should be noted that in our case, any more or less complex tasks that require an adequate response and quick decision-making can be classified as non-standard. During school years, a teenager, surrounded by a dense cocoon of parental control and guardianship, very often does not know how to stand up for himself at all, because older family members inevitably interfere in his relationships with peers. Such teenagers often become a victim of aggressive attacks by their less well-protected peers, they are not comfortable in the children's team.
Moms and dads, who every hour think about how to protect the child from bad influence and protect from all dangers, forget about the need to teach their child to resist troubles and hardships, gaining their own, invaluable experience and doing the appropriate conclusions.
How to help your child become independent
What should parents do who are accustomed to instantly solve all the problems of their child? The first and most important thing that is required of them – it is the realization of a simple fact: a child, even a very small one, is a person with his own character, temperament, inclinations and preferences. Therefore, everything that is required from the older generation – it is to help the child adapt to certain conditions, and, if necessary, to teach him how to cope with life's difficulties.
It may not be so easy, and not all parents have the courage and patience to allow the child to overcome difficulties on his own, without trying to intervene without special need. However, this does not mean that parents are advised to step aside and take the position of an indifferent observer.
A child, even grown up and standing on the threshold of an independent life, always needs a sense of security, undying parental love, their wisdom and understanding.
In our article, we touched on a very serious and urgent pedagogical problem, which is hypertrophied parental care that hinders the moral development of the individual. Unfortunately, in modern society, this model of behavior is very common. Parents who know best how to protect a child from life in all its manifestations are found at every step. Moreover, many representatives of the older generation see their way of taking care of their children and grandchildren in this way. For more information on family relations and pedagogy, please visit estet-portal.com.
Read also: How to Raise a Happy Optimistic Child
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