Not everyone is lucky with relatives. It happens that communication is exhausting and leaves you devastated. It seems that it’s not to take everything to heart, you can be patient, it’s the same sister, aunt, grandmother — Underline whatever applicable. In in some cases, you can really overcome yourself and keep silent — when you meet three times a year on holidays. But sometimes you need to stop communication.
We will tell you when to limit communication with relatives and how not to feel guilty. Sometimes such a "quarantine" it is simply necessary, but not everyone can do it correctly. Armed with our tips, you can get rid of the annoying attention of your relatives.
- How to know when to limit contact with relatives
- Why is it important to keep communication to minimum
- How to set boundaries and explain it to relatives
- Polite phrases for refusing annoying relatives
How to know when to limit communication with relatives
You should stop talking if you notice at least one of these signs:
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You are being blackmailed. Very often grandmothers pull you out of personal life, because "I will bequeath you an apartment, you you can't even bring bread". At the same time, they need everything momentarily. They don understand that you can only after work or two hours later. They need it here, now, immediately. As a result, all relatives will know how ungrateful you are.
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Love is extorted from you.You can respect, admire, or sympathize with a relative, but you don't have to love. Kindred Feelings — this is not the default option. Nobody can force you to love, because "I that's all for you, and you don't love me". Love is unconditional, so it doesn't always require reciprocity. Reduce communication as much as possible so that your conscience is calm and guilt does not grow.
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You are being used — they only call you when your relatives are in trouble. If your relatives help you out during your times of adversity, then you have partner relationships, you should not interrupt them. But when you are openly being used for their own purposes, it should stop.
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You are endlessly condemned.You can achieve career heights, be successful in marriage, but relatives will still find something to condemn you for . Judgment negatively affects self-esteem and causes feelings of guilt. Limit contact with such relatives.
Why is it important to keep communication to a minimum
Negative contact with relatives greatly affects your mental and physical health. From a psychosomatic point of view, every negative feeling can cause some kind of physical illness. Guilt can lead to injuries, pain in the spine and even ingrown nails. Most often, this feeling is imposed on us from the outside, someone's opinion or condemnation. The same relatives, for example.
Communication with relatives can disturb the climate in family. It often happens that after meeting with your relatives, you break down on your husband or children. Your mood and state is projected onto your loved ones, they feel your tension and irritation. If you receptive to unreasonable criticism, then there is a chance that you will take such communication for granted, and will behave the same way in your family.
It is very important to decide and set clear boundaries for yourself that no one will violate. Otherwise, you will just torment yourself and your loved ones.
How to set boundaries and explain this to relatives
Your relatives are not used to refusing you and, of course, they may be offended. It is worth gradually accustoming to the fact that you sometimes cannot run at their first call. Try turning down petty requests.
For example, you are asked to come and meet a plumber, and you have a trip to the movies. Be honest that you can because the tickets were bought a week before the session. But make it clear that you will not always turn down. Please note that if you are warned in advance, then you will agree.
Of course, you need to distinguish between emergency cases in which your help is really needed. If your grandmother ended up in a hospital with a heart attack, and there is no one to bring medicines except you, then you need to do this and reschedule a trip to a cafe or a meeting with girlfriends. Evaluate situations sensibly, then it is easier to set boundaries.
Don't hesitate to say no if you're uncomfortable. Think of your mental comfort first. No matter how trite it may sound, but this is your life, in which psychological comfort is important and needed. People with guilt and low self-esteem very often become categorical and irreconcilable in their family, destroying
Read also: 7 signs it's time for you to end your relationship
Polite phrases for refusing annoying relatives
- Sorry, but I can can I have been planning this day for a long time.
- Sorry, but I'm not comfortable doing this — it want I don't want it.
- I can not help this time, but will do my best next time.
- I really want to help, but I can not be able to at the moment. As soon as it appears, I will definitely help.
- I'm sorry, but I don't like your judgment. I I think I'm old enough to make my own decisions.
- Thanks for opinion, I will take it into account.
- Thanks for interest, but I'm having a hard time discussing this topic now.
Remember that your first priority — take care of your well-being and peace of mind. Often people who limit contacts with relatives are tormented by feelings of guilt: "These are my parents, how can I do this to" them? Society, too, can put pressure on you, calling you a "bad child." Keep in mind that you are an adult who takes responsibility for your life and condition. And your parents, uncles and aunts, grandparents — also adults. You shouldn't communicate with or help if it brings you problems and suffering.< Read also:
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