Men are increasingly complaining about the lack of sexual desire. Often it's not about the terrible "he's got someone". And not in physiology, which men themselves and their girlfriends tend to blame. Sexologists claim that the decrease in libido is due to physiological causes no more than in every tenth case. The roots of most sexual difficulties lie in the realm of psychology. Where does the male desire go?
He is not enough for everything
Our society demands social success from a man. If a woman has the right to choose: to build a career, be creative or just be a woman – mother, wife, mistress, then the man has no alternatives. He must be successful. He is responsible for himself, his woman, for children. He must "kill this hare", otherwise he – loser.
We ourselves in every possible way encourage the stronger sex to material achievements, and rightly so. Women love strong men, this is a cruel law of life. But the lady's obsession with the success of her partner has side effects: her man leaves all his energy at work, and in the evening he only has the strength to silently eat dinner.
Some sexologists view workaholism as a form of unconscious withdrawal from sex. A man puts his pleasures on the altar of financial success. A woman should calm her resentment and think about the reasons for such a radical decision. Sex has lost its brightness and novelty for him, has faded to such an extent that it can be sacrificed? Or has the fixed idea of success outgrown all conceivable limits? Or maybe he is depressed by the very thought of being imperfect – After all, it is impossible to be successful always and in everything. So he is afraid of not becoming as wealthy in bed as in work.
Antidote. Protect your man from overload. Don't ask for the impossible. A vacation in the Carpathians with a live, beloved and loving man (in every sense of the word) is much more pleasant than a week in the Maldives with a half-robot, not leaving the computer. Make him rest. Distract with socializing and interesting things outside of work. Create the most comfortable conditions for relaxation at home. And often remind him: one-sided personalities can be effective, but happy – very rare.
He has a wide variety of pleasures
In different periods of life, we need different things for happiness. Most adult men still think about sex a lot, but it doesn't take over all of their thoughts, as it did during adolescence hypersexuality. It seems strange, but for some men, training for a marathon race or skiing becomes more fun than sex games. Life offers us many different forms of pleasure. Sex occupies one of the first places in the hierarchy of pleasures, but with age it has more and more competitors in the form of self-realization, social achievement or hobbies. This was especially true for couples, where intimacy was more of a form of physical pleasure than a form of unique relationship with each other. Such sex is easily replaced by other pleasures, requiring less energy or emotional costs. For example, riding a sports bike or playing computer games.
Antidote. You will have to compete. Sex should be no less interesting for him than skiing or a car.
He doesn't want to conform to social standards
Rejection of sex can be a form of response to sexual standards accepted in society. Sexuality is mercilessly exploited in movies and advertising. An image of a sexually hyperactive person is created – a sex machine capable of intercourse at any time with any individual of the opposite (and sometimes their own) sex. When a person realizes that he does not meet this standard, the refusal of sex is included as an unconscious defense against traumatic awareness. He goes beyond the painful situation in order to maintain personal integrity.
Antidote. Don't demand five orgasms a night, rave about the sexual stamina of a movie character, or use your neighbor's hectic sex life as an example. Just the two of you – You and He - have the right to create their own standards of intensity of sexual life. And if you want more, it does not mean that "something is wrong with him", and you – in order. The desire to change and make the relationship comfortable for the partner is necessary for both parties.
He defends himself against manipulation
Using sex as leverage – common practice for many women – can turn into a categorical refusal of a man from intimacy. Representatives of the stronger sex react very sharply to the fact that the purpose of sex is not an expression of love, but power. They may prefer complete celibacy to dancing to a lady's tune. At least it's not as humiliating as following the orders of the "mistress" for a portion of sexual pleasure.
Antidote. In most cases, the woman does not even notice the foul play – she is really offended that her beloved did this and not otherwise, and when she is offended, she does not want sex. Be aware of what is happening in your bed. Understand that any conditions signal insincerity of the relationship. And before using the bedroom as a power struggle ground in a relationship, consider whether the potential gain is worth losing intimacy forever.
He himself can be a manipulator
This has always been a purely female "trick" – teasing and not surrendering, to achieve from a man exhausted by passion what she needs – wedding, a luxurious fur coat or a trip to the Maldives. Times have changed. And along with the realization of women's right to pleasure, men realized their own ability to influence a woman by regulating the amount of sex. Was not affectionate enough or dinner was served at the wrong time – stay without sex today, next time you will behave better. An easy version of this manipulation – leave a woman unsatisfied.
Such a "trade" of a man in sex can say a lot. Perhaps the man is frankly weak and empty, and this is the only way available to him to control the relationship. It is important for him to be the master of the situation, and there is no other way to hold power, so he is trying to put his partner in a dependent-begging position, teasing and not satisfying her.
Sexual manipulation (combined with non-sexual manipulation) is often practiced by men who are afraid of attachment. These men are afraid of mutual dependence, which certainly accompanies close relationships, and therefore sexual relationships seem too close to him – and he "gives out" them in doses. The fear of attachment is formed in early childhood by a cold mother who pays off the boy with toys. Mom seduces and pushes him – and the child learns these double standards, and on their basis builds his own relationship in a couple.
Antidote. If you are sure that you are the object of sexual manipulation, we advise you to think carefully about whether you need such a man?
The two most likely ways are: be a good girl and have sex (as much as he allows you) or try to "rise above the situation" by completely refusing to have sex for a while. The probability is negligible, but, perhaps, seeing the futility of the manipulations, your partner will leave his tricks.
He is repulsed by an all-powerful and overwhelming woman
The success and self-sufficiency of the fairer sex is increasingly scaring men. Especially if a man is not going through the most successful period in his life. He feels compelled to compete with her instead of loving and being loved. If this is complemented by criticism from his half, the man loses the remnants of confidence and feels like a failure. Sex for him ceases to be a pleasure. It becomes work, the most important exam, failure in which for a man is like death: a woman outdid him everywhere, and he also failed in bed. The man does not want to work in the bedroom. He does not want to take the exam. And afraid of failure. Seems the only way out: the refusal of sexual contact.
Antidote. Try to make your man feel like a real tiger in bed with you. Do not lie and do not play: having recognized falsehood in bed, he is unlikely to be able to trust you in the future. Better gently guide him – and do not skimp on gratitude and praise for the pleasure. This will not only make your sex more frequent and plentiful (we want to do what works and what is appreciated), but also allows your loved one to gain self-confidence and become more successful in other areas of life.
Source estet-portal.com
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