Unfortunately, in the life of every person, from time to time, unpleasant events occur that you want to erase from memory forever. At such moments, protective mechanisms are activated that protect the psyche from overload. When they work properly, it helps to soften the blows of fate, but sometimes such protection does not work at the right time. Maybe
Have you noticed that you tend to attribute your own feelings and thoughts to a man, and to your best friend your own character traits that you would not want to possess? This psychological defense mechanism is called “projection” and its discoverer is Sigmund Freud.
Projections protect the human psyche and help protect oneself from knowledge that causes discomfort. Often people attribute to others thoughts and character traits that they do not like in themselves.
Projection – psychological defense mechanism: how it works, its pros and cons
For example, a new employee has appeared in your office, to whom you are very sympathetic. But you exclude the possibility of an affair with him, because you are married to your loved one and you will never take such a step as treason. After some time, you begin to have doubts about the fidelity of your spouse – the slightest delay at work makes you suspect him of treason.
Every day your distrust grows stronger and the situation in the family becomes more and more tense. In this case, there is a possibility that such a psychological defense mechanism as the – You think about cheating, but you attribute your intentions to your husband.
This defensive reaction is also manifested by the fact that a person misrecognizes the feelings of others, attributing to them many traits inherent in him. For example, it is very difficult for you to refuse to fulfill someone's request, which is why you are constantly late at work.
You constantly go to the cinema to see films that your friends like but not you, listen to someone's hour-long monologues about life, etc. In fact, it is very unpleasant for you to hear refusals, in connection with this you attribute the same touchiness and impressionability to others.
In fact, colleagues may not even realize that they are overloading you with work, and friends would agree to go to the cinema and see another film.
The benefits of a psychological defense mechanism. Through projection, people can better understand each other's feelings and empathize. We can put ourselves in the shoes of others – feel the sadness of a child who is forbidden to eat sweets, remembering his childhood, etc. In addition, the projection helps to transfer your experience from one situation to another, similar. Thus, bad experiences will encourage avoiding similar situations in the future.
Flaws of the psychological defense mechanism. People, even if a little like us, still remain different – they have their own habits, characteristics and views. Because of the projections, you can simply not see what a person really is. You may not see a real person in front of you, but your reflection or an image from the past. Once you have experienced betrayal, you will expect this from other people, and such distrust prevents you from building close relationships.
How to understand that you are trapped in projections
- You can easily explain why the person behaved the way they did and what they meant by it.
- You are confident that you are able to quickly read the mood of your interlocutor and attitude towards you by facial expression and posture.
- It is not difficult for you to calculate the behavior of another person a few steps ahead or to predict the development of events.
- Often, your phrases begin with the words ”do you like”, “do you think”, “would you like”.
- You think that others have the same abilities as you. For example, it will not be difficult for you to retell an article in English and it seems to you that a colleague must also be able to do this. But why?
- You often use the expression "All normal people think/act like this". “So” here means the way you are.
How to fix the situation
Imagine yourself as a traveler while communicating. Your interlocutor is a whole universe that you have to learn. Compare your world and the world of another person. Try to be a polite tourist, not an omniscient conqueror.
Begin sentences with "I think" or "I think" hellip;, especially when talking about other people's feelings.
Write on a piece of paper those character traits that you do not accept in yourself. Think about why people need this or that trait. For example – anger – when she encourages to make a scandal in transport – this is bad anger, but sports anger helps to win. Every negative trait has a healthy grain, accept the fact that sometimes you can get a little angry, greedy, etc.
Often our defensive reactions push us to strange acts – like hurting those we love. In order not to regret what was said and done, try to understand yourself and your feelings.
Add a comment