Uncertainty in self — a disturbing and persuasive voice that holds back and limits your options. He does let realize plans and dreams come true.
Sometimes this can be useful, as it helps to take a sober look at objective limitations or just adequately assess the failure of an idea. But basically, indecisiveness doesn not allow us to develop and fulfill ourselves in life.
If you understand the causes of your insecurities, then you can overcome them and move forward.
3 errors of behavior that betray uncertainty
Shyness, indecision, low self-esteem, various complexes. What is their basis, why do they arise? Imagine that you live on a deserted island. you will definitely not have such problems. But we social creatures, therefore, all our fears and excitements are associated solely with the people who surround us, with their reaction to us.
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1. We don trust our opinion
Our behavior is completely dependent on the assessment of others. We worry about a bunch of different things, for example:
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worried about whether we seem to be what we want to be;
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we are afraid to seem uninteresting or wrong;
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we give people an overestimation, exalt them.
These attitudes and become the foundation of our self-esteem.
We completely fixate on ourselves. Our brain goes over versions all the time: what they think or think about us, what we should do to please us.
A confident person does not attach to the opinions of others and in actions is guided only by his own principles. He trusts himself completely.
The trick is that it is impossible to be guided only by your own knowledge. We just can't know everything. And we can't distract completely from people's opinions. Living in society, it is impossible to be free from it.
Our life — it is interaction with people. Through the reaction of people, we get feedback, as an opinion from the side. This information is needed for better orientation in society and in in oneself, in one's abilities and qualities. But an absolutely confident person cannot in principle be. Absolutely self-confident — this is a person with psychological abnormalities.
If we did not pay attention to feedback then would become outcasts in society and nobody would want to communicate with us. It turns out that for normal coexistence, we simply have to like someone. From here comes the second error in behaviour, which betrays our uncertainty.
2. Trying to please everyone
In that case, we lose our individuality, and and and and really don like anyone. Nobody is interested in a person who is afraid to show his abilities or express his opinion.
The more we try to please everyone, the less we like a single person. At the same time, adjusting to the opinion of an individual, we are unlikely to cause sympathy from his side. Moreover, we can push him away, because such actions are usually easy to read and manipulative in nature.
The more you repel some people, the more you will attract others who are similar in values, hobbies, worldview. In any situation, you need to focus on yourself: whether I like my behavior.
Read also: How to please other people: 5 effective tricks
3. We are waiting for approval even from strangers
Why are we afraid of negative reactions, why are we afraid of condemnation, what are the reasons for such reactions? Psychologists say that all our complexes are laid down in childhood.
The first thing that influences our behavior — this is our genetics:
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Speed of mental and physical development of a child.This often determines his success in communication with peers.
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Physical features. For example, protruding ears or a tendency to overweight can be ridiculed. Such children feel inferior, which can cause self-doubt.
Another factor affecting self-esteem — this upbringing:
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Excessive strictness. The child is afraid to make a decision without regard to parents. Thus, and dependence on opinions of others is formed.
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Hyper control and prohibition of independent actions.It is unlikely a child will grow up independent if his every action is checked by his parents.
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Constant criticism of the child or comparison with others is not in favor. This kills initiative. The child grows up insecure, inert, easily following other people's opinions.
Culture and environment we live — it is a factor that influences us throughout our lives. Here, living in a village or a large city matters. Relations in the village are emotionally close. A person can remain himself, not hiding his feelings and emotions.
But ) Relationships between people are formal and functional. Every day we contact with a huge number of people. We don know what to expect from them. On a subconscious level, we want to be noticed, to get approval for our actions, appearance, mind. And because we do not get it, we begin to doubt ourselves, and the desire to get approval only intensifies. And if we really want something, then we depend on it. In — This is the opinion of others. But when we wait for approval from significant people — this is normal. If we& we want to please everyone — we lose our own "I", which creates indecision.
Reasons for uncertainty: why know about them
We do not analyze the reasons for our uncertainty in order to justify ourselves. Understand them — means to recognize the problems. This, in turn, will lead to an understanding of how to deal with your insecurities. Don don't blame anyone — just take responsibility. Your body and mind is in your hands. No one forces you to be shy, afraid or feel constrained. Analyze what in childhood or youth influenced your insecurity. This will be the first step towards overcoming complexes.
Read also: Emotional maturity: 10 key signs
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