Что такое перфекционизм и почему он опасен

You can often hear the phrase «and me here — perfectionist» in boastful manner. The  society has developed such an idea that to set high standards for yourself and to find fault with little things — real good. Such people, they say, always do everything perfectly, which means that they are better and more useful than others.

Yes, it in fact highly effective perfectionists are true more effective than the others. However, nobody thinks — And at what cost do they achieve all this? And is it worth the price of the eternal pursuit ideal. Let's figure out what perfectionism really is, what types of perfectionists exist and why this feature is dangerous.

What is perfectionism: why a person needs an ideal

The reasons for perfectionism, according to the tradition of psychoanalysts, should be sought in childhood. As a rule, the roots grow from there, namely from the inflated standards that parents set for the child. It would seem that what's wrong with wishing the best for your child, "motivate" his incredible accomplishments? The fact is that the parents of today's perfectionists were little interested in their desires and condition. That is why perfectionists so often forget about themselves — they just don understand that their comfort and their desires matter too.

Perfectionists exhaust themselves to the maximum mark out of one simple desire — be recognized and approved. Mom and dad in childhood rarely did something nice for them just like that, everything had to be earned. Here they deserve so far. Although often this is no longer necessary — A perfectionist may have a perfect family, a good job, and millions of dollars in accounts, but he will still continue to fight for praise. And this hunger cannot be satisfied.

Read also: Reasons for uncertainty: why we don't trust ourselves

Types of perfectionists: how they behave and how they feel

Perfectionists can be conditionally divided into two large categories — "procrastinators" and "achievers" .

Who are perfectionist procrastinators

This kind of perfectionist, out of a desire for  ideal, sets himself such high goals that he is not at all capable of accomplishing. That's why he begins to delay their execution. And can do it forever, sometimes and forever.

Example: a girl believes that by 30 years she must have an ideal model appearance, a billionaire husband and a high position in a large company. She convinces herself so much that if she doesn have such a result, then no need anything at all. Any other result — failure and failure. As a result, the girl does nothing at all, and only gnaws at herself with guilt and thoughts about her own inferiority.

The motto of a perfectionist-procrastinator: "Either all or nothing!"

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Achieving Perfectionists: The Pain of Eternal Hunger

In distinction from procrastinators, this type is very effective, achieves real results in life. Such perfectionists usually have the highest grades in school, all kinds of diplomas and medals. In their careers, they are also two heads taller than the rest. Even at a young age, such people achieve impressive success and bypass more experienced colleagues.

Everything seems great, doesn't it truth? However, the problem is that they are never happy about their success. The life of an achiever consists of an eternal competition: "I must be the best, I must beat everyone." They set a goal for themselves, light up with it, don't sleep and don't eat properly, working to achieve it. And then the goal is in hands, and no satisfaction, only emptiness inside and the thought that now you need to chase after something else. And they immediately find a new goal, torment themselves again, and again do not find joy in this.

Read also: Burnout at work: 4 steps to recovery The Benefits and Dangers of Perfectionism for Human Wellbeing

The only benefit of perfectionism is the result — he and really good. It is unlikely that someone will do something better than a perfectionist. If you give him a job, he will knock out until the result is excellent.

But is happy he by himself? Of course not. Perfectionists are very anxious, they are always afraid, always on their guard. These people almost never relax. The life of achievers is in the chase, and the life of procrastinators — in  meaningless activities, with the help of which they delay important matters.

They run after the ideal and never catch up with it. Even if the whole world tells the perfectionist that his work is beautiful — he will still find a flaw and get upset. Their slogan: "Could have been better." These are the words that say to future perfectionists in childhood: "You" don't try, you can do better, come on, push it! And they try even harder, and then more.

How to get out of the paws of perfectionism: top tips

Perfectionism can be dealt with. However, this requires a lot of effort and & nbsp; desire. To begin with, a perfectionist must understand that he has a problem. Many hide behind the defense mechanisms of the psyche, not having the will to admit to themselves that something is wrong with them. Often they call themselves simply ambitious people with good taste, and other — slobs who don understand nothing in work and life.

If there is a realization that it is impossible to continue like this, then you need to use the following tips.

Learning to enjoy the process, and not achieving the goal

Perfectionists put all their energy into the goal, they dream to achieve it, no matter what the cost. They don't worry about the process, even if it has  —— endure.

To make life easier and more enjoyable, you need to defocus the goal and focus on the process.

Do you like what you do? Are discovering something new for yourself in the work process? The answer to these questions is important. We spend 95% of time process the result takes at best 5% — short moment of crossing the finish line. Is worth is he doing most of his life doing unpleasant things?

Reduce demands on yourself and others

If you are a perfectionist, then     you you have too high standards and demands for yourself and to the others. Often these standards are generally unattainable, no one person in your place could not meet such requirements. Way out: lower the bar, try to do everything not at 100%, but at least at 70-80%. Believe me, what 80% for a perfectionist, then for an ordinary person is beyond all expectations. Try it and you will understand that before it was in vain trying to make everything perfect. Average results are enough for people.

Perfectionism — this is not at all a positive quality or reward, it is a difficult problem that must be resolutely dealt with. Once you learn to be less demanding of yourself and                      life will be transformed. So much time and effort perfectionists spend on the exhausting pursuit of the ideal. And because these resources can be spent in a more pleasant way.

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The power of the subconscious: how it protects us from ourselves

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