We always feel like relationships with people deteriorate randomly. We didn’t understand each other or didn’t want to understand, we’re going through life in different directions, we didn’t get along in character ... princes» go beyond a couple of dates or constant conflicts with your spouse should alert.
Of course, you can take comfort in the fact that you are attracting the wrong people. And you can analyze if there are no features in your behavior pattern that scare away men.
- Behavior patterns that can destroy even the strongest relationships
- Can can change the behavior model and how to do it
Behavior patterns that can destroy even the strongest relationships
We play a role all the time. This is a natural property of the human psyche, which allows you to comfort any life situation. But sometimes situations change one after another, and the role remains the same.
According to psychologists, most often problems in relationships are experienced by women who practice one of the five role models.
Role # 1. Eternal sacrifice
No matter how things turn out, the eternal victim always finds something to complain about. Even if her husband or boyfriend gives her a luxurious bouquet of flowers, she will purse her lips with the thought "It would be better" to pay for the "apartment". And to her best friend, she will describe this situation in the most pessimistic light: she herself has to think about everything, and he "just" would have flowers. But if a man is smart enough to pay his girlfriend's bills, she will be offended by the lack of romantic impulses. What kind of man who didn give her no flowers? As a result, a man gets tired of being constantly guilty and seeing an eternally dissatisfied girlfriend next to
Role # 2. Strong and independent
This pattern of behavior can be laid down in childhood, or formed in the process of life, when a woman has to be really strong in order to survive. And even having met a man who is ready to take on the burden of her concerns, she continues to "pull the load" alone and plays the role of the head of the family. In this case, two scenarios are possible: a man either gets used to a subordinate position and relieves himself of any responsibility (which greatly irritates a strong and independent one), or refuses to play the role of second fiddle and simply leaves.
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Role # 3. «Closed Book»
The cliché "A woman should be an unread book" often pushes beautiful ladies to a conscious transformation of their behavior. Understatement in words, avoidance of frank conversations and other tricks aimed at demonstrating the mystery of the female soul — the main signs of such a destructive model of behavior. A man quickly gets tired of "collecting the puzzle" out of disparate details, or stops taking seriously even the sincere words of his girlfriend, being sure that this is just another game.
Role # 4. Burlesque Queen
Striving in everything to follow the fashion and criteria of a certain social circle — another typical behavioral error. The queen of burlesque is constantly immersed in her own affairs — she needs to post new photos on social networks, follow sales in fashion boutiques, and in other ways maintain her status as a successful and popular lady. She can only be relatively happy with a man who, like the queen, is fixated on himself. A man with a healthy desire to build a strong relationship, alas, quickly gets tired of this race for cheap glitter.
Role # 5. Turgenev young lady
"You are a girl, you shouldn't ...". This phrase — background for everything that happens in the life of the Turgenev young lady. A woman should be afraid of dogs, love needlework, want children, leave talk of politics and wars to men. Playing this role in the hope of looking more feminine and attractive to the man of her dreams, a woman can become overplayed and simply boring. It is impossible to discuss topics of concern to a man with her, to have an interesting time, to meet friends. And the man begins to spend more and more time outside the house (if he does not decide to part with "the young lady").
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Can can change the behavior model and how to do it
Psychologists' recommendations are as as simple as they are effective:
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Analyze when what moments you experience the most discomfort in relationships.And when you realize it — "pull the string": sequentially remember one event after another until you find the beginning of what eventually led to an unpleasant development of the situation. And now simulate how events could have developed if you said not "No", but "Yes" didn't condemn your man, but supported him?
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Take a piece of paper and honestly write on what you love and what you want. The main condition — the list should consist of at least 100 items: first you will write down the beliefs imposed on you, and only when superficial thoughts are over, your true "I" will wake up. You will be surprised how the desires of the real you can not coincide with the desires of the other person you play.
Just two of these exercises will help you to completely rethink your behavior pattern and its influence in your relationship with a man. And will allow you to understand when and how an unsuccessful role becomes an obstacle on the path to happiness.
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