In any couple, sooner or later a quarrel will arise. This is normal, natural, and best of all proves that you are not one whole, but two adult, whole people with their views, beliefs, mood. The sooner this understanding comes to everyone, the better for the union as a whole. Therefore, quarrel, but & nbsp; correctly. Any conflict can become either a step towards each other, or the beginning of the end. How to make sure that quarrels in a relationship do not destroy feelings? We tell you how to swear correctly and constructively.
- Why there are quarrels in relationships
- How not to quarrel: forbidden tricks
- What things to look out for in quarrels: signs of abuse
Why there are quarrels in relationships
No one will deny that when we are driven by aggression. If it is not there, then and the desire to swear and doesn prove something. Aggression — this is a healthy reaction to the infringement of one's rights, causing pain. She tells us to do the same, "mirror" partner's actions so that he also feels pain and understands that it is not necessary to do this. No matter how frank , it is quarrels in a relationship that help to get to know each other faster and better.
Aggression can also be caused by the actions of others, strangers (bosses, colleagues, relatives). If you don’t succeed in throwing out negative energy on the direct culprit, the “victim” could be your other half. Break into home after being scolded by the authorities — well classic well! Such quarrels are un constructive, dangerous, and ideally shouldn't happen. If the habit of splashing out negativity on the closest ones has already been entrenched in the subconscious, then you need to either work through this problem with a psychologist, or... get used to loneliness.
It is important to distinguish between interpersonal conflict and simply "everything is enough". Don't let bad moods or troubles rule your feelings for each other. It's always better to just share your problems, at the very least, make it clear that it's important for you to be alone, you're annoyed and you need to calm down. Unless your partner's actions are the cause of your bad mood, he is not responsible for and shouldn't experience even the slightest discomfort.
Read also: How passive aggression manifests itself and how to resist it
How not to quarrel: forbidden tricks
So, the quarrel — this is an opportunity to convey your idea, find a compromise together and understand how not to do it. For all this to become a reality, you also need to learn how to quarrel correctly. Don't want the conflict to escalate into a breakup? Remember how not to do it (even if you really want to).
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Don't insult. Firstly, it's just childhood, you're adults and you understand that "the fool / the fool herself" these are not arguments. Secondly, the transition to personalities is not constructive, you you will not solve the problem like that, you will only drag out the quarrel and turn it into dirty scandal.
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Don't hit someone who sick. Do you know this person well and have already found his weaknesses? Great, and now remember them and never, even accidentally, mention them in quarrels. It's a betrayal, knowing something deeply personal, using it to hurt you. This is not forgivable, even if you and reconciled in words.
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Don't destroy your partner's sexual image. In relationships, it is very important to remain attractive in the eyes of the other, and to do this with every year it becomes more and more difficult. Do not aggravate the situation, do not use phrases in quarrels that can be regarded as a lack of desire. If you accidentally or moderately make it clear that "...and and you are not hot" in bed, your sex life will go downhill.
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Don't go beyond the conflict. This also applies to shaking up past grievances, and to weaving relatives and others to the subject of the dispute. You have a problem and you need to solve it. Without any "you are the same like your father...", "now it is clear why you then...". You don't want to go to a new round of a quarrel?
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Don't interrupt. Such a simple yet often impossible rule. Remember, quarrels in a relationship are only beneficial when the two of you solve the same problem. Decide, and not vent your grievances without hearing your partner.
Try to remember and convey to the other person that even in the heat of a quarrel, mutual respect must be maintained. Yes, it's hard, but building strong relationships is, in principle, hard work. Speak, having calmed down, the algorithm of behavior in conflict situations, agree on «forbidden flags» — stop phrases that should tell the partner that he was too carried away. Quarrel, but not scandal — this is a waste of time.
Read also: Negative human emotions: splash out or suppress
What things to look out for in quarrels: signs of abuse
Unfortunately, not all quarrels in relationships are for good. There are also destructive conflicts that are provoked by one of the partners only to humiliate and devalue the other. This happens if one spouse seeks to completely subjugate and destroy the personality of the other. In such quarrels it is useless to try to find a rational grain, the only way out — run away from this person.
How to recognize a psychological abuser in time? Calm down your recent conflicts and see if there were these signs of manipulation:
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criticism of appearance, professional achievements, hobbies;
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demanding to reduce the social circle, ridiculing your friends, colleagues;
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interrogations caused by unreasonable jealousy;
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petty niggles, attempts to piss you off at any cost.
As you can see, quarrels in relationships — this is a kind of crash test, tests that you need to go through and draw conclusions. Do not be afraid of conflicts, learn to get the most out of them, and one fine day you will understand that you have not quarreled for a long time.
Read also: How to calculate a manipulator: recognizing by actions and methods of influence
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