Psychological manipulation — it is the desire to change the behavior of another person in order to satisfy one's own interests. It is control over your emotions and life.
Manipulation can be subtle, covert, and hard to detect. Most people do not even suspect that they are being manipulated. Until it gets too late. Controlling another person over you can have a detrimental effect on your mental health, increase anxiety, and lead to depression. If one of you is a "puppeteer", then it's impossible to have a healthy relationship.
Manipulative behavior can't be recognized every time because it's hard to prove. How to calculate the manipulator? There are some signs that your partner is controlling you.
- Portrait of a manipulator: how it works
- How to spot a manipulator: what feelings they "pressure" on
- How to distinguish manipulation by feeding method
Portrait of a manipulator: how it works
A master manipulator always operates in secret and will never reveal the true motives of his target. For him, objective reality is not important. It is important for him to interpret the situation in such a way as to get the maximum benefit: he was praised, he took first place, they talk about him, they listen to him, they pity him, they obey him, etc. The whole world should revolve around the manipulator.
Manipulators act differently:
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Active Manipulators. They are energetic and enterprising. Such manipulators put pressure on people, force them to obey, openly control their life and lead it. Often they use their social status — relationship boss — subordinate or family ties. .
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Passive manipulators. There are people who endlessly complain, get offended, show their helplessness. They make you do anything for their favor.
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The most sophisticated, the thinnest — they are a mixed type of manipulators. They are the hardest to recognize. Such "puppeteers" both active and passive methods are used. They compete all the time. Their goal — win at any cost.
Read also: 15 curious facts about psychology of human behavior
How to spot a manipulator: what feelings do they "press" on
If you once noticed that your partner, friend, boss or relative doesn get out of you head, you think about them all the time, do things that are unusual for you, it means that you fell a victim of his manipulations .
The manipulator juggles your feelings, causing a lot of emotions on your part. But there are basic feelings which they affect:
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Love. For example, a manipulative woman may say with resentment: “You used to give gifts, but now you don’t.” So you don't love me».
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Guilt. Many parents like to press on guilt. You feel guilty if you didn’t wash the dishes, which means you don’t feel sorry for your tired mom. Didn't help dad in garage — it means you don't respect him. Or, for example, you leave work on time, and your colleague is late and says: "It's good for you, you're already leaving, and I still have a lot of work to do." And at at this moment you begin to feel guilty and willingness to stay and help.
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Friendship. Just like with love: in order to prove friendship, you need to do something. You are uncomfortable, uncomfortable — it doesn match your plans. But you must grant a friend's request to prove you good.
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Debt. The sense of duty is often used in manipulation. You just got a job in the company, so you have to prove yourself. "You my child, so you must obey me." "I helped you out, so you have to help me."
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Fear. The manipulator can play on the feeling of fear, using a variety of situations. A parent can say to his son: "If you dye your hair, I cut you bald." “Either you stay overtime, or write a letter of resignation — says the boss.
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Pity. Very often complainers can solve their problem themselves. But they need to involve other people in the situation, then they feel comfortable.
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Pride. At first, it's nice to be told, "No one can do it but you." But when the situation is repeated many times, then instead of pride, a person feels tired.
How to distinguish manipulation by feeding method
Of course, there are different situations in life: someone needs your help, there is a deadline at work and you need to come on day off, or you really need to help out a friend. One must be able to distinguish between actual manipulation and force majeure.
Read also: Why and who needs a conversation with psychologist
manipulators have a set of methods to influence people:
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Urgency. The manipulator presses a feeling and tells what it needs to do right now. He isn interested that you are busy, you have other plans, you live your life.
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Assertiveness. You are not just asked to do something, but required. When they say that you are my friend, my wife, my child, therefore you must do what what I ask you. The manipulator will keep pushing until you give way.
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Double Messages. This is a way to covertly communicate your true thoughts. For example, you want to change jobs, and a friend says to you: "Of course, try it." At the same time, her facial expressions are skeptical, the corners of her mouth are lowered. Thus, verbal language does not match body language. And if you are subject to other people's manipulations, then you may make a decision that is unfavorable for you.
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Gifts and compliments. For example, your colleague, neighbor or friend constantly praises you, treats you with sweets, invites you to dinner. And you feel uncomfortable. You feel that you owe a portion of your attention too. That's exactly what they should. Of course, there will definitely come a moment when the manipulator will say: “Please help, we” communicated so well with you. But it he did what was optional for you, and now requires you to return it with other signs of attention. And you are no longer strong to refuse and act in his interests.
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Resentment. Resentment enhances any manipulation. At first, they pressed on your feelings of duty, pity, pride, and in case of refusal you are offended. The resentment of the manipulator is always demonstrative, he flaunts it and with his whole appearance shows that it is you — cause of his troubles. You begin to feel guilty, you want to smooth out an unpleasant situation. As a result, the puppeteer takes revenge, he gets what he wanted.
Life without manipulators — life according to your plan
Manipulators can bring serious problems into the life of any person. The faster you recognize the "puppeteer" and limit communication with them, so there will be less uncomfortable situations in your life. Know how to say "no" and protect yourself, then no one can break your life. The unconscious manipulator feels such a person well and starts looking for a new victim. However, if you're dealing with a manipulator, the best choice — cut off communication altogether.
Read also: How to end a destructive relationship: 4 steps to emotional freedom
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