Как проявляется пассивная агрессия и как ей противостоять

Passive Aggression — a concept that has relatively recently entered our everyday life. But many people don not correctly mean it, assuming it is just a form of abuse. On the one hand, it is. But not physical means and methods are used, but psychological abuse and manipulation.

This is one of the  many patterns of behavior of a person who doesn know how to openly resist anything or anyone. And uses others as a tool to achieve his own moral satisfaction.

Passive Aggression: How to Recognize the Aggressor's Techniques

Those who have not encountered passive aggressors naively believe that in communication they are very peaceful and non-conflict people. And those who, one way or another, are forced to deal with those armed with passive aggression look at it completely differently.

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Hack 1: Agree, but do nothing

The passive aggressor really won't speak openly about what thinks of you. But he will show it to you. Any of your request or proposal will meet his evasive consent, but, having promised to do something, the aggressor will not lift a finger. Perhaps the first and even fifth time it will look like his forgetfulness or busyness, but soon enough you will understand: you are being blatantly sabotaged. Everything you feel — complete misunderstanding of what is happening and own impotence.

Read also: Toxic people among friends: what to do with them

Handle 2: "Do what you want"

Complain or attempt to discuss the problem — not in the style of a passive aggressor. Instead of asking you to turn down the music, he will "heroically" endure it, so that then for a few more days to mention in the & nbsp; conversation that "that day"  he had a headache, he couldn not be able to talk properly to a relative on the phone because of the loud music and he was unable to sleep. But the next time when you turn the music down, the aggressor himself will offer you not to pity him and not pay attention  — — "Do what you want." You 

Handle 3: Guess Yourself Game

When offended by you, the aggressor never will admit it for in life. He will arrange torture with silence. He will defiantly walk away from dialogue, remain silent, shrug his shoulders and leave the house, showing how you tormented him with your questions. But even if you cry and fell hysterical from misunderstanding — this won't fix the situation. For the passive aggressor to tell you what   — is to deprive yourself of a sweet dessert in the form of your suffering. What do you feel? You are almost ready to climb walls from powerless anger and misunderstanding.

Read also: How to calculate a manipulator: recognizing by actions and methods of influence

Reception 4: Bring to boil

All of the above — nothing more than a knurled path to the goal pursued by the passive aggressor. Sooner or later the situation will reach a climax and you explode. What will happen? — depends on your temperament, and under what circumstances you will lose your nerves. But all your screams, smashing dishes, sobs and threats — just what the aggressor is waiting for. Now you you can see for yourself how unbalanced, quick-tempered and how difficult to deal with you. A aggressor — he is just your victim. You feel like you tired into a blind alley and don't know what to do.

And doing something must be done. Because soon you will notice that such attacks of aggression appear in you more and more often. That it's getting harder for you to fall asleep. What appeared tachycardia, blood pressure drops, headache. All this — somatic manifestations of your undermined psyche, which needs  help.

Combating passive aggression: 3 effective methods

The best thing to do is to end your relationship with the passive aggressor and not let it influence your life. But this is not possible if one of the parents or a colleague with whom you are forced to communicate plays the role of the aggressor. In such cases, use the following guidelines:

  • Strike first. As rude as it may sound, it is the only language that passive aggressors understand. Does he want a favor from you? Don't say "no" or "yes". Nod and forget. And when the aggressor reminds you of this, you will be innocently surprised: did you promise him something?

  • Don't participate in his games. Is the aggressor in the right mood to punish you with silence? Leave him alone, and don haunt questions. Instead, take a bath, get a manicure, or watch an interesting movie. If the aggressor observes from time to time that his silences do not work on you, he will soon stop liking this game.

  • Don't accumulate anger in yourself. Every time the aggressor makes you feel guilty, vexed, resentful — tell him about it directly, and be sure to explain what exactly in his actions you don't like. This will not allow him to bring you to a critical "explosive" state, and will help you maintain a sound mind. And remember that even after reconciliation, the cycle of such passive violence will repeat — it's only a matter of time.

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But if no methods of dealing passive aggression help and you feel worse and worse — consult a psychologist. The specialist will help you develop the right strategy of behavior that will limit the influence of the aggressor on you.

Read also: Why and who needs a conversation with psychologist

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