It is often quite difficult to refuse people something, and because of the discomfort that arises, one has to do something that is not at all to one's liking. But is it reasonable to go against your own will and fulfill requests that you don’t want to fulfill at all? Naturally, helping others – is great, but you should not neglect your own interests and priorities.
It is possible to tactfully refuse a person and maintain a warm relationship with him. Thanks to the techniques described in the article, you will be able to learn how to say "no" and will feel completely comfortable with refusing anything.
There are situations when it is inconvenient, ugly, etc. to refuse. You hesitate but agree to help or do something. Some people simply cannot refuse someone - the flaws of education, so to speak. Rejection often makes you feel guilty… We have prepared for you a selection of tricks, using which you can refuse without experiencing discomfort, thus maintaining control over your life.
Train with a friend - the most effective method
If the thought of turning someone down makes you uncomfortable, try practicing with a friend. Ask him to make a list of common requests and try them negatively overcoming his excitement. Believe it or not – it's one of the best ways to learn how to say no. For more realism, ask your friend to be persistent, this will teach you how to find the right way to refuse in a more difficult situation.
Justify your refusal with facts and arguments
Sometimes you don't want to say "no" because you have to give reasons for your refusal. Take the time to find good reasons.
You will feel better because you have realized the true reason for the rejection.
Your interlocutor will not feel offended, because will understand that you really cannot help him now. This is a psychological win-win situation for both parties.
Remember your own worth and your limits
If you regularly agree to help others, they will certainly take advantage of this. Suddenly you find that you don't have time for things that are really important to you personally! If you feel uncomfortable about someone asking you to devote time, attention, and energy to their needs, mentally remind yourself that your needs are just as important. This is not selfishness – by taking care of yourself, you will be able to give your care to others more effectively.
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Suggest a good compromise to solve the problem
Imagine you refusing without saying the word "no". Think for a few minutes about the request addressed to you. And, if possible, offer a mutually beneficial compromise. By the way, if a colleague asks you to help with his project, agree, provided that he will help you with your project. Or, if your friend needs help moving offer help with packing only. Thus, you responded positively to the request, tactfully refusing the person's initial request.
Thank you for your conversion and faith in your strength
You don't want your family or friends to feel like you don't care about them. This is the main reason why people say "yes" when they don't have the time or opportunity to help. You can tactfully refuse a person without looking like an indifferent and stupid person. Just add "thanks for asking!" to your no. This will let them know that you appreciate that you asked specifically for you, but really do not have the opportunity to help right now.
Forward the request to a more professional source
You always say "yes" to people who really need your help, to the detriment of their own affairs. Realize that you – not the only person in the world who can help them. Suggest someone else who is able to help deal with the situation and, as far as you know, is free now. You won't have to say "no", and the one who asks you will get what he needs.
Know:
Your answer will be accepted Before you say "no" to someone, know without a shadow of a doubt that they will accept your answer anyway.
With this realization, your words will sound more confident and sincere. And this means that people will really accept your position and will not argue with you. It doesn't matter what reasons you have for always saying yes. Sometimes you need to refuse, otherwise everything will end with nervous exhaustion and stress. It's smarter to learn to say "no" without feeling uncomfortable.
Expert comment
Oksana Vovchenko
PhD, accredited consultant of the European Bank for Reconstruction and Development, consultant on organizational development, personnel management and corporate culture strengthening, trainer, coach,
In order to quickly and effectively master such a useful skill as the ability to say "no", we will be helped by conscious motivation.
Let's look at why it's hard to say no. The answer is on the surface: the vast majority of people simply do not know what personal boundaries are and how important it is to be able to build and protect these personal boundaries.
Personal boundaries – is the basis of yourself, your desires, your beliefs, your world. It is the awareness of personal boundaries that helps to build equal and harmonious relationships with people, including family ones.
Clear personal boundaries help us understand:
- where we are and where we are not;
- what do we feel and what – no;
- what gives us pleasure and what – no;
- what we want and what we don't want.
- And in this sense, our personal boundaries define us.
There are several types of personal boundaries, for example, physical boundaries, when we do not let a person closer to us than half a meter or do not allow violent acts to be done to us. There are emotional boundaries when we demand to be spoken to in the proper tone.
It is important to understand exactly what YOUR unique personal boundaries are and where you will not allow them to be violated.
When considering the conscious motivation for developing the skill of saying no; It is also important to be aware of your limiting beliefs. Working with limiting beliefs will be the more effective, the more clearly you can track the nature and time of their occurrence in your life.
For example, the mother of a little 5-year-old girl said "do not communicate with strangers on the street", explaining that this could be dangerous. When a girl grows up and becomes an adult girl, she can, with fear inside, walk away from meeting a worthy and interesting man who could be her life partner over time. And all because she has a limiting belief about talking to strangers.
Within the framework of our topic, we can give an example of such a limiting belief as "you should / should always help others" (remember, we were taught, die yourself, and help out a comrade). With this belief, it is very difficult to keep your personal boundaries.
It is important to remember that each person has the right to have their own thoughts and feelings, each needs to understand and satisfy their own needs, for each – some personal space is needed.
In conclusion, I want to draw your attention to the fact that it will be very easy to form and maintain your personal boundaries when you start to love and respect yourself as a person, understand what you really want. Personal development in this direction will necessarily include self-acceptance, awareness of what you need to work on, and actions to achieve YOUR goals.
I can see from my clients that at first it is not easy for them to develop the skill of saying "no". But with the time of consolidating this skill, they become more self-confident, internally freer and emotionally stronger.
Start with yourself and say NO to belly fat. Just 5 minutes and you are in perfect shape:
Be unique! Be happy!
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