It is important for us how others see us. And often, for the sake of strangers, we strive to change appearance, behavior, social status, and much more. And we don don not notice how the stone on the soul is getting heavier, the depression and feeling of own insignificance takes root deeper
According to psychologists, such feelings — the result of a person's discord with himself. And more often than not, it occurs because of the inconsistency between what we think and what we do. But no no need to rush to sign up for psychotherapist — being assertive and regularly practicing will help you make peace with yourself.
- What is assertive behavior and why is it needed
- Assertive Behavior: 3 Practical Tricks From Psychologists
What is assertive behavior and why is it needed
At its core, assertiveness — this is a whole scale, at the extreme points of which there is complete disrespect for yourself and complete disrespect for others. Based on this, a person’s behavior is usually classified as extremely non-assertive (self-abasement, unnecessary patience, fear of expressing one’s opinion) and extremely assertive (“I” do what I want, even if it harms others or offends them).
And only the behavior of a small percentage of people can be described as assertive. This means that a person is able to accept someone's life position, but and he he is also not afraid to declare his position. A classic example — the need to refuse someone. Some people feel embarrassed, and & nbsp; even guilty, saying "No" in situations when to deny their interests. And then they start to invent some reasons to make their rejection look "respectful"; or, worse, agree to perform a service against their will, after which they suffer even more.
The other part, if necessary, simply says "I don't want to" and often adds "I don't" need it, "Why on earth should I" do this? and and similar phrases, unpleasant for the interlocutor, which demonstrate complete indifference and even rudeness.
And only people with assertive behavior calmly and say "No" with reason, and simply calmly stop manipulations. "I have a meeting scheduled for this time, so I can't help relocate you ", "I don't think it's necessary to reschedule my appointment because your situation is definitely not critical." "If you need my help — I will help you move in a few days».
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In a word, assertiveness — this is a healthy egoism, in which you put your interests not higher, and not lower than the interests of other people.
And you don feel uncomfortable by openly declaring your position — because you and allow other people to do the same.
But how to cultivate such a quality in yourself? There are several easy ways — by constantly practicing such techniques, you will soon take a strong position in "golden mean" assertive scale.
Assertive Behavior: 3 effective tricks from psychologists
Psychologists who specialize in personality modification recommend using three basic techniques that, with regular practice, give the greatest effect.
Reception # 1. "We you of the same blood»
When you're "pushed into" a corner a request to help or provide a service, and don't agree to accept your refusal, just ask your interlocutor: "Why do you" think that your affairs are more important than mine? In the similar manner, stop any attempt to manipulate you and the particular situation by asking this question. "Why do you think it's easier for me to reschedule a business meeting than for you — put off moving for two days? Main — do not raise your voice, listen calmly to the interlocutor's answer. This way you let him know that you respect his opinion, but you have it too. And that there's nothing wrong with the fact that In this situation, your opinions do not coincide. The same applies to not only personal, but and business contacts.
Reception # 2. "I completely accept myself"
One of mistakes that can lead us to personal ruin — desire to meet the expectations of others. But you — it you. If you have different eyes — you would have a different face. And be you have a different set of personality traits — it would be a completely different person. It is very important to accept and realize this idea: you, as a person, have been shaped by a huge number of circumstances. These were ups and downs, happy moments and minutes that were very hard for you to endure, you — it is every step you take and every minute you live. So trying to please someone against your own needs & mdash; it's disrespectful to what you've been through.
Yes, it is very difficult to develop self-respect after a long period of neglecting one's opinions, desires, and needs. But the trick is that this method works in two ways. Respecting yourself, you don't allow yourself to be used. But by not allowing yourself to be used, you respect yourself more and more.
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Reception # 3. "I have the right to any feelings"
There are things, concepts, events that require an unambiguous response from us. This best illustrates the "duty" every woman to be moved at the sight of someone else's child or even to love him. But you you have the right to feel indifference to someone else's baby, or even hostility if the child is badly brought up or spoiled. And more than that: you have the right not to hide your feelings. Even if because if a person imposes "emotional duty" on you, he does worry about your opinion.
Of course, don't should be rude or disdainful of the feelings of others. But you also shouldn't be allowed to be used as a dummy, who must react to events in the way others want you to. Quietly refuse to hold "this cute baby" in
By practicing these techniques regularly, you will develop a new attitude towards yourself. To you, as a person who has the right to be himself.
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