Are you avoiding parties and parties and are afraid to talk to people? Hide your appearance behind bright makeup or figure – behind spacious robes? Relatives are surprised at your insecurity, and friends talk about low self-esteem? But for some reason no one teaches how to increase it…
Don't worry! We have selected the best tips for you, how to love yourself, boosting your self-esteem in specific life situations. Don't suffer at night in your pillow – better work on yourself and act boldly!
1. How to love yourself with low self-esteem
2. How to Love Yourself Through Situation Practice
How to love yourself with low self-esteem
Not so long ago, psychologists stunned the public with a statement: in fact, a person has no self-esteem! And there are unfulfilled desires.
Try to remember in what situations your self-esteem fell? Most likely, when you compared your career with top managers, the length of your legs – with famous models, and your ability to flirt – with Hollywood sex symbols.
It's just that with obviously unequal opportunities, the comparison was always not in your favor. And then you can talk about anxiety, fears, self-rejection and self-dislike, but not about self-esteem.
Of course, it’s easier to suffer about this all your life, cry into your pillow and eat chocolates, then complain about your “big bone”. This is basically what hundreds of thousands of people do.
But in fact, the emotional response to the loss in evaluation works like a lever. Just let it work – do not turn off the power.
If self-esteem and self-love – this is not a phenomenon, but an action, then let's act!
To begin with, follow the example of the satirist Alexander Ivanov, who became famous thanks to humorous parodies of the poems of recognized classical poets. “I opened a volume of Pushkin and understood” hellip; I can't do that. But! I can do it differently.
What are we doing this for? Sometimes being the best and self-confident – it's just different. Just look for your own talents and strengths without looking at others – And then you don't have to compare yourself to anyone. After all, you will not only be loved by the rest – You will and love yourselves.
How to Love Yourself Through Case Study
Let's imagine Scenario #1: "I'd rather turn down this job/project/task. I won't be able to do anything anyway. Like, why try to jump over your head?
However, how do you know that nothing will work without even trying? Your experience, most likely, is built on the assessment of a significant person for you. Perhaps, as a child, your mother often told you that you are doing everything wrong, in the wrong place and not that?
For parents, we remain fools for the rest of our lives, after which we need to wipe the blots. But the position in parent-child communication only good until you feel like an adult. When interacting with an extra-family environment, you move to a new step "adult-adult".
The position of an adult is good, first of all, because she is free and confident. You make your own decisions, do what you want, and you yourself are responsible for any result.
Exhale: your mother will no longer evaluate your work! It will not sigh tiredly, wash dishes after you, criticize uneven lines, etc. You will evaluate your own work. And you should always be able to agree with yourself.
Scenario #2 is usually about personal life: “I don't have a soul mate. Who even looks at me?».
Look at a nice person and sigh, they say, nothing shines for me there? Then you should master the superpower: not only you are chosen, but you choose!
Even if you are refused when you try to get acquainted, nothing more terrible will happen except for your vanity wounded for 5 minutes.
Take a potential rejection lightly, just an opportunity to stay where you are. You will not lose anything, but you can gain a lot – enough to take the risk.
It's like that old joke (for motivation, by the way):
— How do you manage to have affairs with so many women?
— I come up and say: “Girl, can I have an affair with you?”
— But for this you can get in the face!
— And you can start a romance…
About the shortcomings that we ourselves have imagined that prevent us from loving ourselves – Scenario #3: “I can’t make love to him in the light – I'm fat!".
You do not love and accept yourself and your body, being sure that as soon as he sees wrinkles on his stomach – immediately any desire will disappear.
And now imagine that the last day on Earth has come, and you are the only people left with it. Then you would be greatly tormented by thoughts about your shortcomings? Hardly. So you better enjoy love intimacy every time, like the last – with the same passion!
Another example from nature: do you think lions or dolphins would refuse mating games just because the female had a pimple on her nose or a few extra centimeters added to her waist? It's funny to even think about it, right? After all, sex – it is an impulse, a desire, a passion that knows no bounds.
By the way, the law of energy accumulation works in intimacy: the more often you do it, the more confident you become. If a man gets into bed with you, then your body excites him. And you can always work on minor flaws like a crease on your stomach without compromising the quality of your sex life.
There are people who are secretly ambitious, but shy because they don't like themselves. It is about them — Scenario #4: "I'll be a secretary all my life, because I've been at the reception for 5 years…".
When you look at how dizzying (sometimes literally in half a year) the careers of some more courageous and confidentcolleagues develop, you involuntarily begin to reproach yourself for mediocrity.
Now think about it: if you have never directly expressed your desire for a promotion to your superiors, perhaps the boss just thinks that you are in the right place (after all, you are doing your job perfectly) and are quite satisfied with office life? No one can read minds, not even the best top managers. By the way, for the same reason, they may not raise salaries for years. You are silent and work conscientiously – it means that you are comfortable and so.
However, you shouldn't immediately rush to the boss's office with claims and demands – it is better to choose a convenient time and justify the request for a raise, accompanying it with specific arguments, why you already deserve a new position or salary, and what else you can do in a new position.
Treat this conversation as a project that requires a serious oral presentation: topic, purpose, pros, counterarguments in response to possible objections. Rehearse at home so you don't stutter with excitement and lose your mind.
How to love yourself – a question that is often asked by many people. Now you know what ways you can resort to accept and love yourself. Each of us is unique in our own way, and recognition of this — already half the success on the way to increase self-esteem!
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