Shining eyes, a new password on smartphone, nighttime text messages... A banal and old-as-the-world story, but not for the one who faced a difficult choice: what to do if she fell in love with another man. And how to take a decisive step, because on on the relationship, tested over the years, and on the other passion, the sky in diamonds and OH? And is it worth it to choose? When treason — the verdict on your union, and when you can and keep everything a secret, we will consider in this article.
- Fell in love with another man: how to distinguish infatuation from love
- You can't get a divorce — where to put a comma
- Adultery: the opinion of psychologists
I fell in love with another man: how to distinguish infatuation from love
Soulless scientists have long dissected love, found the hormones responsible for our feelings, and sorted out all the algorithms for the development of relationships. Studies prove that the active phase — "candy-bouquet" period — lasts approximately 12-17 months. At this time, our emotions are controlled by dopamine (the hormone of joy and pleasure) and adrenaline (gives sharpness to sensations). Reaching out to common sense at this time is useless — hormones take over all arguments.
Wise nature does not foresee a long love languor, and a few months later, the level of hormones of "love" falls. They are replaced by "attachment" hormones, it is at this stage that common habits are formed, a desire for joint creation arises, and passion fades into the background. And if it is not clear what to do when fell in love with another man, then it it is during this period it is better to ask yourself the following questions:
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Do you feel safe with this man, are ready to trust him 100%.
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Are you able to put yourself in his shoes, are interested with his problems, or do you just listen about them and forget.
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You frankly with friend don't keep any secrets to yourself.
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You are interesting and pleasant in the company of each other out of bed.
If the answers to yes are positive, then the feelings may be genuine. Over time, the physical attraction should weaken while the emotional attachment grows stronger. By the way, it is at this stage that men often begin to move away, and if it seems to you that something is not so in your relationship, it doesn it seems to you.
Read also: Male adultery in marriage: how to act for a deceived wife
You can't get a divorce — where to put a comma
It's normal to fall in love at a young age, it's a kind of search for yourself through the prism of relationships with men. But when there are several years of marriage behind there are children, then the situation when a faithful wife suddenly falls in love with another man is fraught with bad consequences. And it's not even about the possible aggression on the part of the deceived husband. When the feelings of loved ones can be hurt, you need to carefully consider every step you take. What to do when you find yourself at the head of a love triangle?
1. Take a break. To calm down a bit and regain control over your emotions, you need to abstract a little from what is happening. The ideal option is to go somewhere, even to a neighboring city (having organized a “business trip” at work), even to the sea. But necessarily one, the only way you can listen to yourself and find answers.
2. Maintain secrecy. Even if you are ready to confess to everything and pack your belongings, it is better to hide your relationship and not even from husband, but from general acquaintances. Nobody needs to know that you've cheated on your spouse. There is a big difference between breaking up and leaving, you don need to jeopardize your still husband's sense of self-respect.
3. Don't confess.Until you are ready to take decisive action, it is best not to let anyone in your love affairs. Nobody will make the correct decision for and will take the responsibility of advice the best And, of course, it’s not necessary, in a fit of frankness or in the heat of a quarrel, to dump on your husband “I” fell in love with another man. As long as you haven decided to firmly leave, such confessions to nothing.
No matter how cynical it sounds, but true love doesn arise suddenly, it is created over the years, built from small concessions, daily compromises and work on oneself. And falling in love flares up under the influence of hormones and successful circumstances. And whether it grows into strong affection will depend on are you ready with the new chosen one again to do a great job of mutual grinding.
Read also: Why exes return and how to react to
Adultery: the opinion of psychologists
Each family is individual, but there are still general patterns in the development of relations. Psychologists identify several "crisis points" in marriage, when mutual claims and problems reach a critical level. It is not surprising that if at such a moment "at hand" there will be a suitable object for love, feelings will flare up instantly.
Family crisis is possible at 3rd, 5th, 7th and 14th years of marriage. The first two are associated, as a rule, with the birth of children and the redistribution of roles in the family. And & nbsp; the last two arise because of the monotony, boring life, midlife crisis. The temptation is great to drop everything and start from a clean slate. But you need to understand that in such a love, a thirst for new sensations plays a big role, and this is a bad start for a life together.
Speaking of treason, psychologists sometimes use the term "triangulation", which means strengthening an unstable model at the expense of new elements. That is, subconsciously, having let another man into her life, a woman wants to escape from some family problems, to direct her energy in a new direction. In such cases, you must first figure out what you really want, whether it can somehow solve problems in marriage in another way. If the relationship has completely outlived itself and there is no point in working on it, then possibly flared feelings — a gift of fate and a chance to become happy.
Read also: 7 signs it's time for you to end your relationship
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