Your social circle tends to narrow as you get older, and making new friends becomes a luxury. But despite this, psychologists are sure that it is quite possible to make new acquaintances at this age, it is only important to come to an understanding of what we expect from these relationships.
Friends – these are people with whom you can be frank, pour out your soul and feel absolutely comfortable and relaxed in their society. With comrades I want to spend all my free time, from communicating with them it is possible to get what we may lack in the family circle.
We are changing and friendships are changing
Entering a university, we slowly begin to move away from school friends due to the fact that we communicate regularly with classmates who become a replacement for childhood friends. Naturally, this does not always happen, but such changes – a fairly common occurrence. After the student years, adulthood begins, an already mature person gets a job, joins the team, where he makes new acquaintances at a new stage of his life. And all the same, no matter how interesting communication is, you will no longer find the feeling that people are closer and more devoted than childhood friends. But is it really so or is there still a chance to find a strong friendship at a fairly mature age?
Stanford University psychology professor Laura Carstensen explains that after 30 people start to rethink their social circle, limiting the number of interests and connections, and trying to focus on life "here and now".
At this age, attention is primarily paid to what is significant emotionally. A person over 30 prefers to spend time with their children and family, instead of attending a noisy party or going shopping with girlfriends.
At a young age, a person is in search of himself, this process has an impact on the formation of new connections. Extroverts try to make contact with people who are a reflection of different sides of their character, while introverts, on the contrary, are trying to find in others what they lack. By the age of 30, a person becomes a fully formed person who feels comfortable within the established boundaries, avoiding new relationships that can violate such comfort.
When starting a new relationship, a person feels discomfort, distrust of a new acquaintance. People are afraid of such feelings as they are afraid of being disappointed and withdrawn. In her book The Survival of Female Friendships, Nicole Zangara writes that the degree of intimacy that was present with friends from childhood does not necessarily have to be carried over into a new life. It is important to realize that if life itself has changed, then there must be a change in expectations and opportunities.
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Laura Cartensen notes that the perception of friendship at the age of 18 and 30 years old differ significantly. Reaching a more mature age, a person tries to find in others what is close to him. He is more interested in communicating with people who can give good advice, share their own experience. Most likely, at this age, finding friends will come out among colleagues, business partners and parents of children with whom your children are friends. Such relationships are different, they are different from the emotional attachment that was formed in childhood. But despite this, they can be just as valuable. The advantage of a mature friendship is that at this age a person is already much less vulnerable than in adolescence, due to which he can more freely choose the distance and distribute roles.
Data from the Institute for Family and Employment in the US show that most women aged 25 to 54 have less than 90 minutes of free time a day. 30% of survey participants noted that they have only 45 minutes a day that they can devote to themselves.
But how does the lack of free time affect friendships?
Nicole Zangara believes that you need to work hard to make relationships more relaxed, because maintaining contact is no easier than making new acquaintances. Despite the fact that it is quite difficult to make time for work, family and friends, there is a way out, it is enough to be able to organize your time properly.
"Little Rituals"
Great way to keep in touch – start your own "little rituals", thanks to which even very rare meetings will be special. It is worth explaining to your loved ones how important the planned gatherings with friends are for you. To make communication more exciting and avoid any inconsistencies – think about the place and format of the meeting in advance. For example, gather in a Mexican restaurant or spend an evening in a cozy coffee shop where you can play board games.
In order to simplify the task, you can create a special page in one of the social networks, where you can exchange interests and plans with your comrades.
How to find friends?
1. First of all, try to leave the house more often and be among people – For starters, you can talk to your neighbors. This does not mean at all that having started a conversation, you must certainly become friends with a person. The purpose of such tactics – to help you loosen up so that in the future it will be easier to make new friends.
2. Find a hobby. Attend a drawing or dancing circle, go in for sports, in general, there is plenty to choose from, and in addition to the pleasure that a hobby will bring you, you will have an interesting topic that you can discuss with new friends.
3. Use social networks, because there are not only Odnoklassniki and Facebook. For example, there is a website called Catmoji that brings together cat lovers, and a website called Bleat that connects vegans and vegetarians.
4. Invest in relationships. It is important to share attention and emotions, as well as to be patient.
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