Developing Emotional Intelligence: 6 Tips

Emotional intelligence (EQ or EI) is defined as the ability to understand, manage and effectively express one's feelings and interact with others on an emotional level. Unlike well-known IQ, which does not change significantly over time, EQ can be developed, strengthened by the desire to learn and grow.

The following are six ways that will help develop emotional intelligence:

1. Ability to minimize negative emotions

This is perhaps one of the most important aspects, since effective management of negative emotions is necessary so that they do not significantly affect our judgment.

In order to change your attitude towards a situation, you must first change the way you think.

A. Minimize negative personalization. If you have a negative attitude towards someone's behavior, try not to immediately draw negative conclusions. Before reacting to a situation, consider it from different angles. For example, if a friend doesn't answer your call, don't jump to the conclusion that they're ignoring you. Perhaps he is currently very busy or simply does not hear the call. If we avoid personalizing other people's behavior, we can perceive them more objectively. People act one way or another primarily because of themselves, and not because of us. The wider your views, the less likely there is a misunderstanding.

B. Minimizing the fear of rejection. In order to be less afraid of rejection, you need to provide yourself with many options for the development of important situations, so that, regardless of what happened, you have available alternatives. Remember that you need not only Plan A, but also plans B, C, D, and so on, in case Plan A doesn't work.

2. Ability to remain calm and cope with stress

Stress is inevitable, but it's important to stay calm under pressure:

A. If you are nervous and worried, wash your face with cold water and get some fresh air. Coolness helps reduce stress levels. You should also avoid caffeinated drinks, which only stimulate nervousness.

B. If you are scared, sad or feeling down, try some aerobic exercise – movements dictate emotions. If you provide energy to your body, your self-confidence will increase.

3. Ability to be decisive and express difficult emotions when necessary

In everyone's life, sooner or later, situations arise in which it is important to set boundaries appropriately in order to let others understand our position. This framework includes exercising the right to disagree, being able to say no without feeling guilty, setting our own priorities, protecting ourselves from harm, and getting what we paid for.

However, in such cases, you must remember that when expressing your demand, disagreement or indignation, try not to attack the person, but focus his attention on your feelings.

For example:
“I'm upset that you couldn't come to the meeting, although you promised” instead of "You were supposed to come to the meeting, but you never showed up." If you start a sentence with an accusation, the interlocutor automatically becomes defensive and becomes less open in the conversation.

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4. The ability to remain proactive rather than reactive when dealing with a difficult person

Most of us at least once in our lives come across such people, the adequacy of which is in question. It is very easy to succumb to the negative influence of such a person and let him ruin your day. Remember the three most important rules:

think first, then speak;
put yourself in the other person's shoes;
Tell the other person about the consequences.

5. Ability to handle failure

Our thoughts, feelings and actions in certain situations determine our general attitude towards life. If you are faced with a difficult situation, remember to ask yourself the following questions: “What is this situation like? ”, “What can I learn from this experience?”. The better questions we ask, the better answers we can get to such questions.

6. Ability to express intimate emotions in personal relationships

The ability to effectively express and appreciate tender, loving emotions is essential to maintaining close personal relationships. In this case, efficiency means the proper expression of one's emotions, as well as the ability to respond to the expression of emotions by another person. Do not forget to remind your loved one how you like to spend time with him, what a good friend he is, ask for forgiveness, ask about his affairs, well-being, etc. You can also use body language to express your emotions: smile, hug, eye contact, touch.

Of course, the development of emotional intelligence – it is a lengthy process. But if you learn how to communicate with people correctly, perceive emerging situations and manage emotions, your life will become much better not only in your perception, but also in reality.