Codependency in Relationships: 7 Steps to Breaking Free

Codependency — an abnormally strong attachment to a person. This is a form of relationship in which total control becomes the norm. One of the  partners is morbidly attached to the other, which, as a rule, has its own dependence. It turns out that one person is dependent on chemicals, and the second — from dependent. Interaction between them — it is a constant tangle of conflicts, rejection and & nbsp; the inability to free yourself. Let's learn how to identify codependency in relationships and get rid of it .

• Codependency in relationships — self-destruction
• 7 steps to liberation from codependence
• The main thing about  codependency in relationships and hows to get rid of it 

Codependency in relationships — destruction of self

The codependent puts the partner's interests ahead of his own. In essence, he sacrifices his own well-being for the sake of another. This negatively affects the quality of life, self-esteem, the level of satisfaction with their achievements. Codependency in  relationships — two-way communication, in which there are no happy people. It can be couples of different types: lovers, father and daughter, mother and son, brothers and sisters. And everyone has something in common — the codependent is consumed by the addict.

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The state of codependence is accompanied by a whole range of negative emotions:

1. Self-deception. Contrary to the evidence, the person believes that the partner will change, become better.

2. Anger. Co-addict gets angry at the addict, himself, others, and circumstances.

3. Senseless self-sacrifice. A person is so busy with a partner that he ignores personal needs, does not pay attention to the quality of his life, and does not attach it much importance.

4. Intimate problems. Due to depressed mood and constant stress, libido decreases.

5. Depression. It is difficult for a person to enjoy life, he may think about the meaninglessness of life and suicide. Often at the same time, he consoles himself with the thought that his mission — salvation of the addict.

6. Psychosomatic illnesses. Depression is often accompanied by illnesses.

Co-dependent people don't have any less problems than those they "rescue". These are emotional personalities capable of understanding and empathy, and their addiction most often comes from childhood. Usually the reasons for such painful attachment are hidden in the peculiarities of the interaction of members of the parental family.

Read also: Passion or addiction: symptoms and treatment of love addiction

7 steps to liberation from codependence

It is important to understand that there is no joy, love, or comfort in a codependency relationship. Partners are bad together. The only thing that connects them: they are worse apart. The addict needs a "savior", and the co-dependent is sure that without him the partner will disappear, and even does not allow the thought of his independence.

Codependency in relationships doesn benefit for anyone. The addict is unable to meet his needs because the partner is doing it. But & nbsp; an adult is simply obliged to be an independent person. This can and should be learned. And the codependent should realize how damaging such a connection is, and take steps to change the situation.

Read also: How problems with your parents affect your personal life

There are several ways to get out of a co-dependent relationship:

1. Satisfying your personal needs. You need to understand what your partner gives you, and learn how to receive it in other ways. So, if dependence on a person is expressed in an uncontrollable need to communicate with them, you need to find entertainment without him: call someone, go to visit , take a walk, visit an exhibition alone, with children or acquaintances.

2. Take initiative. Feelings of dissatisfaction arise when one low-level partner satisfies the needs of another. So you don't need to rely on him. It's time to solve your problems on your own, without waiting for your partner to do it.

3. Awareness of responsibility for your life. You should understand that no one can make you a happy or unhappy person. Caring for your well-being — it's 100% up to you. Learn to deal with difficulties on your own, and get help when you can't do without it.

4. Striving for self-sufficiency. You don't have to live on the goals (or lack thereof) of your partner. Your life — only yours. Follow your dreams, take risks, do interesting things. This will help you shape yourself into a mature person who is open to healthy relationships.

5. Increase self-esteem. Love yourself. All psychologists give this advice, but few explain what should be done. Start by taking care of the body. Improvements in appearance will be an excellent basis for increasing self-esteem, especially for women. Learn to love your job, and if it doesn satisfy you, find a new business that you will do with full dedication.

6. Harmonization of the internal state. It's time to get rid of the eternal feeling of guilt, learn to praise yourself, approve your actions, be proud of yourself. To make it easier to cope with stress, you should find suitable ways to relax. Great options — yoga, meditation, sports. These techniques improve self-control.

7. Permanent employment. It is difficult for a co-dependent person to be alone with himself. All his thoughts are directed to the partner. To get rid of  anomalous attachment, you just need to take every hour. Live a schedule that has enough time for rest, work, hobbies, but not a minute — for harmful reflections.

Breaking dependence on a partner begins with focusing on yourself. Over the years, you forgot how to satisfy your needs. If nothing but a partner attracts, remember your childhood dreams, realize the goals that you aspired to in your youth. Be open to new ideas and they will surely come.

If you are in a co-dependent relationship with an alcoholic or drug addict, it is advisable to seek qualified psychological help. It will be difficult for you to set personal boundaries, but if the partner has not reached a critical state (when quarrels are accompanied by beatings, swearing, destruction), this is possible. If similar incidents have already happened, the most reasonable solution — break off relations and stop contact or seek help.

Read also: How to live after a divorce: 5 steps to a happy new life

The main thing about codependency in relationships and hows to get rid of it 

It is difficult for a co-dependent person to realize that voluntary loneliness would be the best medicine for him. It scares him. If it is not possible to completely break off relations with a dependent partner, you should proceed in the following ways:

• Set personal boundaries. You don need to live in the interests of your partner, to save him endlessly. Your pity destroys both.

• Let the addict solve his own problems. If it's an adult, the should rely you rely.

• Relinquish control. It destroys you, your partner, and makes the relationship even more painful.

• Live your own interests. Stop thinking that the only purpose of your life — help a person who does not want to grow up and be responsible for himself.

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Codependency results in endless quarrels, conflicts, resentments, fears. Whatever euphoria the partners experience during the periods of reconciliation, when they are in the illusion that everything is fine with them, life is poisoned by negativity. She is the only one for you. Don't spend it on painful relationships. Climb out of set your own goals and focus on your interests.

Read also: How to help loved ones with depression: 5 important rules

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