There are few strong families. According to statistics, for every 100 marriages there are approximately 50-70 divorces. Although they have long been perceived as the norm of life, this is a tremendous stress for both spouses. The break in relations is especially difficult in families with children: people have to cope with psychological, material difficulties, and solve the problem of further interaction. How to live after divorce? How to deal with strike and start a new life? psychologists have answers to these questions.
- How to live after a divorce: advice from psychologists
- How to Benefit From Divorce: 5 Steps to New Life
How to live after a divorce: advice from psychologists
Joint life of a couple — these are general plans, goals, everyday tasks. The decision to divorce does appear from scratch: the spouses have good reasons for it, but this does cancel the pain, resentment, anxiety for the future. It is impossible to close oneself from mental suffering and problems, to maintain cheerfulness, activity, and a positive attitude. If at the same time it is necessary to support children, to explain to them the peculiarities of adult relationships, it becomes even more difficult.
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The editors of estet-portal.com have collected 7 top tips from psychologists that will help you overcome the crisis and open up to a new life.
1. Understand what exactly is going on in your soul
Divorce — this is grief, and a person experiences it in the same way as a bereavement, going through all the stages of mourning:
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Shock. At first it is difficult to realize what happened, there is a feeling of unreality of what happened. It seems that this is just a dream that will end soon.
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Anger. Accumulated grievances break the soul, splashing out in the form of fits of anger.
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Bargaining. The fear of the future is so strong that the abandoned partner is ready for any conditions, just to avoid a breakup.
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Awareness. At this stage, a person can become stuck in a depressed state. It seems that life is over, and only suffering lies ahead.
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Acceptance. This is the stage when a person is already ready for a new life.
It is possible to live the stages of mourning in different ways, but their cannot be reversed. It is important to understand well what stage of experience you are going through. This awareness will help you get through grief faster.
2. Slow down the pace of life for the next couple of months
How to live after a divorce? The stage of shock lasts about 2-3 months. At this time, the will of a person is paralyzed, he is capable of rash acts that can have far-reaching consequences. It is necessary to forbid yourself from making important decisions for a couple of months, as the risk of mistakes increases. At this time can be very encouraging to think that the shock will soon pass.
3. Try to structure the time when you suffer
This advice from psychologists sounds strange, but works. You can suffer for hours. Give yourself permission to worry about a divorce at certain times, such as 2-3 hours on off days. And on the rest of the days, forbid yourself to think about the problem. If sadness comes, tell her "stop" and return to current affairs. So you keep your health and workability.
Read also: Types of men you should run away from without looking back
4. Return yourself to the here and now»
Every time a wave of worries about the future or the past breaks in, stop yourself. Ask questions about where you are, what you are doing, what happens around you. This is a super useful practice that will help you not to dwell on grief.
5. Force yourself to take care of health every day
Mental anguish often leads to physical illness. To stay healthy, force yourself to walk, do exercises, go to the gym, even if you don’t feel like it at all. Give up the thought of flooding grief with alcoholic beverages. It's a road to nowhere.
6. Ask for help if can't handle it yourself
You may think that the people around you are indifferent to your misfortune, but this is not so. They will definitely help if you tell what exactly needs to be done. Don do not hesitate to ask for help.
7. Keep Your Children Emotionally Safe
Don't speak bad of your spouse. Children and so it seems that they are to blame for the divorce of their parents. You need to rid of this feeling, and not aggravate the situation. Keep yourself in & nbsp; hands. With children, one should maintain Olympian calm, inspire the feeling that everything will be fine. It's difficult, but it needs to be done.
Read also: How to explain divorce to children: practical recommendations from child psychologists
How to Benefit From a Divorce: 5 Steps to New Life
Now this thought will seem seditious to you, but divorce — it's not so so bad. You no longer need to limit yourself in nothing, nor you have to report to nothing. Life is simplified, especially for women. If you wish, you can have a relationship without obligations, but you should not enter into them immediately after the divorce. No quarrels, scandals, pressure. All these are invaluable advantages of the newfound freedom. Learn how to use them:
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A new look. Take care of yourself instead of suffering. Long walks in the fresh air, gym, shopping, beauty salon will definitely not hurt you. Changes in appearance will help increase self-esteem, restore self-confidence.
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Inner peace. Over the years of marriage, so many insults and disappointments have been accumulated that your soul is tormented. Use techniques to help restore balance: keep a diary, do yoga, spiritual practices, learn to relax.
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Activity. Give your body and brain a job. Sign up for training courses, get another education, go in for sports.
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Busy schedule. Be constantly busy. May there not be a single free minute in your schedule. The only caveat: the day should be filled not only with useful, but also with pleasant things.
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Communication. Are you in pain? Go to people! Observe, meet, communicate. Life goes on. It bubbles around you. Get involved in her.
When you put your body and soul in order, life will sparkle with new colors. Divorce — this is an update and it could be great.
Read also: Incomplete family: how to raise a happy child
The main thing about starting a new life after divorce
It is unbearably hard only in the first months after a divorce, then life gets better. To facilitate this process, follow the advice of psychologists:
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Be aware of the stage of mourning you're going through. This will give you support and understanding that the pain will subside later.
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Slow down the pace of life, but keep control. You need to conserve strength and health.
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Support the children. They need emotional security.
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Open to new life. Take care of yourself, learn new skills, communicate more.
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Your situation is not unique, but everyone experiences divorce differently. This stage of life can open up new perspectives. It is in your power to get the most out of their pleasure.
Read also: Psychology of marriage: 6 key tips for newlyweds from family psychologists
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