Life circumstances continually oppose our interests to the interests of other people, forcing us to find a way out of a variety of conflict situations. Each person does it in their favorite way. Someone goes ahead, achieving the goal, someone, trying to avoid conflict, prefers to give in. Far from everyone has the ability to defend one's position without deviating from one's opinion and without changing one's desires.
The combination of self-esteem and calm self-confidence, the ability to avoid impulsive actions and consciously take responsibility for one's actions are called assertiveness by modern psychologists. Together with estet-portal.com, we will figure out what principles in raising a child should be followed in order to instill assertiveness in him and what are the main, most gross mistakes in parenting that hinder the achievement of this goal.
Assertiveness: Say a resounding "no" unquestioning obedience
Of course, an absolutely obedient child, submissive to the will of the elders, seems to be a real treasure for many parents and teachers. However, such, from their point of view, complete troublelessness can bring a lot of difficulties to the child as soon as he gets older. At heart, such a kid is convinced that parents (caregivers or teachers) will never love him if he is obstinate and disobedient, and the ability to follow someone else's will – its only merit.
The consequences of absolute trust in authority will inevitably come back in the near future, since such a person serves as an ideal object for manipulation. It is not difficult to achieve submission from such a person, because he is used to considering this the norm from childhood. Such people usually do not know how to resist tyranny, they would rather find a way to appease the tyrant (boss, colleague, partner in their personal life) than go into conflict. But you don't want that kind of future for your child, do you?
The baby must understand that if the mother makes him put away toys or does not buy ice cream, then there are certain, understandable reasons for this. This approach to dialogue between parents and children will help to avoid the formation of the habit of blindly and thoughtlessly obeying someone else's will.
It's not that hard to avoid this kind of bias in parenting, but of course it will take some effort on your part. First of all, it is necessary to get rid of the habit of insisting on the unquestioning fulfillment of their demands. You will need to explain to the child in an accessible way (taking into account the peculiarities of his age) why you require him to perform certain actions and forbid him anything. It is necessary to develop assertiveness from childhood.
We instill assertiveness: we teach a child to make informed decisions
One of the most important components of assertive behavior – the ability to avoid making decisions under the influence of emotions. This is how it is very easy to destroy career achievements, thoughtlessly leave the family or lose not only your own, but also someone else's property. But before you teach him to stop in time so as not to commit rash acts, the child must master the difficult ability to analyze his emotional state. Your son or daughter needs to be taught to understand their feelings and the motives behind their actions.
Perhaps in theory it seems too complicated, especially when it comes to children – after all, even adults tend to make impulsive, rash decisions. And yet, it is not only possible, but necessary. Of course, on the way of growing up, you have to go through many failures, make many mistakes and mistakes. However, no matter what happens in life, the child needs to know that you will love him regardless of his successes and achievements.
If you want to develop assertiveness in your child, he must be absolutely sure that you will not scold him for mistakes and failures, and your wise advice will help him avoid new mistakes.
We develop assertiveness: we create conditions for the development of personal potential
The world around us does not always turn out to be the best side for us, even in kindergarten a child can face a lot of stressful situations. However, all of us, and especially children, need an atmosphere of psychological comfort that must be created in the family. This means that when coming home, the child must be sure that he will not have to face any type of violence (verbal, physical or psychological). Avoid screaming and irritated tone, this has an extremely negative effect on the formation of the psyche of the child, who must learn from a very early age that he is a person who must be respected.
It is the parents, who want to develop assertiveness in their child, who must form a sense of right in him. It should be normal for your baby to have the right to:
• his territory, where he can be alone with himself;
• self-respect (no "you're nobody yet");
• inviolability of personal space – don't force your baby to hug and kiss you if he doesn't feel like it.
One of the important moments in the upbringing of assertiveness in a child is the formation of his self-esteem, which, however, does not turn into arrogance and arrogance. Learning to respect himself, it is important for a child to understand that other people may not share his point of view, have different views and tastes. However, this is not at all a reason for their neglect or persecution, which often occurs in a children's team.
Assertiveness - freedom of choice and responsibility for one's actions
Modern psychologists recommend that as early as possible to accustom the child to reasonably use the freedom of choice. When you offer your child a choice between a bike or a scooter that he will take for a walk, or between a muffin and an apple for an afternoon snack, you are teaching him not only to listen to his desires, but also, in many cases, to evaluate then the reasonableness of his choice.
Of course, it is not so easy to resist a completely natural impulse: to push to the right decision or to give a lot of reasons to argue that your option would be much better. However, this is how we form passivity, make him a timid and insecure person. Did your schoolgirl daughter choose a new pair of shoes for a long walk? Of course, you can warn her about possible unpleasant consequences, but it would be better if you offer to bring an extra pair of comfortable shoes (or Band-Aids).
Assertiveness is inseparable from a responsible attitude to the consequences of one's actions. However, your child can only learn to make informed decisions from their own mistakes. And the main task of parents, in this case, is to allow the child to find in you an authoritative friend and adviser who will not ridicule or scold in case of failure.
Assertiveness – a rather capacious and complex concept, it is a kind of balance, a golden mean between aggressiveness and passivity, the ability to protect one's interests without showing disrespect for the interests and views of others. Parents who wish to develop this quality in their children will benefit greatly from the qualified advice of a professional psychologist.
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