Shame combines a whole bunch of negative emotions – anger, fear, self-hatred and depreciation of one's own actions. Many find this feeling useful – they say, if you shame a person, then he will no longer do bad deeds.
I often apply the same measure of punishment to children, thus trying to develop socially acceptable behavior in them. But shame – it's a destructive feeling. And if "apply" it is out of place, that is, the risk of harming a person.
estet-portal.com editors will talk about how shame can cause serious problems.
Guilt and shame – what is the difference
Shame – a feeling, the action of which is directed not only to a perfect deed, but also to the personality of a person as a whole. That is, when you are ashamed, you experience not only because of a specific situation, but also literally hate yourself.
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The feeling of shame is based on the social unacceptability of the act. And if it was committed in front of other people – the negativity only gets worse. Shame will be especially destructive for sensitive and impressionable people. Such people literally lose sleep and appetite because of what happened, constantly reproach themselves.
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What is the difference between shame and guilt? Shame, except for a specific situation, affects the personality of a person as a whole. That is, it is superimposed on all past situations, a person considers himself a loser, moves away from social contacts. That is, one act literally crosses out everything, reflects on the individual.
Guilt is more superficial. It is associated with only one act. That is, figuratively speaking, a person considers himself good, but the deed is bad. But with a sense of shame, not only the act, but the person himself will be bad. As you can see, shame is more damaging to the individual.
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What aggravates the feeling of shame and why it is dangerous
Recently, Canadian scientists found that the feeling of shame – has a destructive effect on people who have overcome alcohol addiction or are on the way to overcome it. That is, the feeling of shame only provokes a person to take up the bottle again, and in no way makes him refuse to drink.
Research was carried out for several years. Scientists have observed many subjects who have stopped drinking or were in the final stages of treatment.
They studied their surroundings, the nuances of everyday life. The main purpose of such observation – whether the topic of alcoholism was raised in the family, whether the person was reproached for drinking.
As a result, – subjects who felt shame, in most cases, relapsed into addiction. That is, if a person was openly shamed in the family for his past, then this feeling had a destructive effect on the person.
Shame does not go away immediately, it takes a long time to get rid of it. And if every day you are reminded of him, then the person simply despairs.
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In this case, it is important to understand that it is precisely the feeling of guilt that can help a former alcoholic. Feeling guilty about how his family suffered from his actions, he will be able to pull himself together and fully recover.
Feeling of shame – destructive. Psychologists never tire of reminding us of this. Neither an adult nor a child should be shamed.
If an unpleasant situation has happened, it's best to just tell the person why it made you feel bad. This will cause a feeling of guilt, which motivates to certain actions, passes over time, does not hurt the person.
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