Ideal people are not born! What are the causes and effects of perfectionism? Is it a desire for an ideal or a mental disorder? Perfectionism - a trait of responsible people or rather a flaw?
Why only some of us become perfectionists and why some manage to keep it under control, while others cannot - the online publication estet-portal.com understood everything.
- Perfectionist Standards – how they differ from others
- Advantages and Disadvantages of Perfectionism
- How a perfectionist can learn to to be "normal"
Perfectionist Standards – how are they different from others
We all probably know at least one person who can be called a perfectionist: a friend who is constantly dedicated to his studies or sports, a colleague who seems to make work his reason for living . Perfectionism can be expressed in almost all areas of life: you can be a perfectionist not only in studies or in your profession, but also in the use of free time, in caring for your health or your appearance, up to perfectionism in ethics and compliance with the rules .
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Perfectionism can be called a combination of excessive attention to detail, a constant search for maximum results, and a tendency to criticize any result that does not meet the established standards.
Perfectionist personality standards tend to be introductory: they are thus perceived to be correct and functional in obtaining results and approval. Unlike those who are simply looking for approval, many perfectionists will act the same even if their work is not under anyone's control. What motivates them is the satisfaction of their own norms of behavior and the self-affirmation that follows from this.
How does perfectionism arise?
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The correct performance of a task or action, the desire to improve one's work is most likely an innate instinct. Thus, a certain tendency towards perfectionism may be a consequence of a basic human need for competence and self-efficacy. However, there are significant differences between people that can be explained in the light of experience gained especially in childhood and adolescence.
Three Reasons for Perfectionism:
Perfectionism as a result of education based on strict standards
In the process of growing up, everyone develops a "particle" in himself, which contains moral and behavioral standards, rules about himself, about others, and beliefs about how one should or should not behave. This particle is formed following the example of parents or other important people in life (school teachers, sports coaches, etc.). The fear of letting someone down is accompanied by a similar thought, "I have to be perfect because my parents wanted me to."
Perfectionism as a response to feelings of imperfection
Sometimes perfectionism is a reaction to the perception of imperfection and how to fix it. The reasons why we feel imperfect are numerous: we may have been educated based on criticism, or someone may have given us too much attention, hindering our development of skills and independence. A typical strategy, albeit an unfavorable one, is to develop perfectionism, such as: "If I am perfect, I won't feel miserable."
Perfectionism as a reaction to emotional deprivation
The third reason for perfectionism is related to emotional deprivation, which means lack of caring (attachment, companionship), empathy (listening, understanding, closeness) or protection (guidance, restrictions and advice). Emotional deprivation gives rise to a feeling of lack of love and protection, which can be corrected with the help of perfectionism. In this sense, being a perfectionist means trying to restore the love of those who did not give us it (“If I am perfect, I will be loved”) or overcome this need (“If I am perfect, no one else will me needed").
Advantages and disadvantages of perfectionism
Perfectionism is an egosyntonic approach (one might say almost a lifestyle) that is rarely seen as a problem. This is probably the main reason why it is not so easy for many to give it up, despite the accompanying anxiety and stress.
Perfectionist Benefits
Furthermore, perfectionism has positive social consequences. Perfectionists appear to be reliable and competent people, which is well received in the professional arena: if it's not so extreme as to compromise work and relationship skills, in fact, Perfectionism is a trait that is valued and often praised by superiors. In addition, achieving high standards is a source of relief.
The natural need to do the right thing should not be confused with perfectionism. The latter, in fact, is almost always the result of overly strict standards or feelings of inferiority.
The Disadvantages of Perfectionism
Perfectionism has many downsides. The inability to always be perfect leads to stress, feelings of inadequacy, and failure. If these sensations are met with further perfectionism, a vicious cycle ensues, which leads to a feeling of almost continuous pressure, inefficiency, obsession, inability to do everything that is necessary: time is always short, there is always too much to do. The combination of high standards and stress can end up making work difficult or impossible to meet deadlines and rob you of satisfaction. Therefore, perfectionism can paradoxically worsen performance at work, relationships with colleagues and loved ones, which, in some cases,
Cognitive errors associated with perfectionism
Cognitive biases can be defined as the mistakes we make when trying to interpret an event, our action, or someone else's action. Some cognitive distortions have been observed to be involved inperfectionism, in particular selective abstraction and dichotomous thinking.
- Selective abstraction consists in interpreting the result of one action, considering only some information and refuting it or underestimating others. To clarify the concept, you can take the example of a person speaking in front of a large audience and remarking that someone is inattentive: one person is yawning, another is looking at his mobile phone, a third is leaving the room. The perfectionist is likely to have an activated perception of breaking standards: "If the audience is not fully focused and engaged, I fail." The perfectionist's cognitive error is judging an unengaged audience on the basis that three people are unengaged. Therefore, when evaluating a person's performance, partial and non-essential information is considered important, and information
- Dichotomous thinking
- consists in judging one's work or the end result of an action in a purely polarized, black-and-white way, without regard to shades in between. This is a cognitive error that, in a way, includes the previous one and is not only about performance, but also about the standards by which we evaluate them. Therefore, the perfectionist not only evaluates his actions in a polarized way ("What I do is either a complete success or a complete failure", but also uses the same standard for the standard itself: "Either the standard is 100% satisfied or 100% failure". Presenting such a radical judgment as a whole, it is highly probable that he often experiences a sense of failure, precisely because any standard, especially a high one, is unlikely to always be < How can a perfectionist learn to be "normal" Keeping everything under control is a delicate matter. But when it comes to perfectionism,
Three exercises to become "normal" person:
1. Lose control on purpose. Quit habits that increase perfectionism
: leave things out of place, stop making to-do lists, make dinner at the last minute. Of course you will feel uneasy. But this is the first step to leaving behind the inveterateperfectionism. 2. Do things that you can't do. Try unusual activities to understand that it's okay to make mistakes. A few examples: make a cake even if it's not your forte, draw even if the drawing fails. This is the best way to learn to say to yourself "Who cares?!".
Everyone enjoys what he does well and achieves positive results. Extreme attention to detail, continued striving for maximum results, and a tendency to criticize every less-than-satisfactory outcome – it's all perfectionism
, the consequences of which lead to stress, anxiety and depression. We are convinced that first of all you need to think about yourself, about your mental health, adequately accept possible defeats and sincerely rejoice at successes, without any assessments.
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