Parents are united by the fact that they all face difficulties in education. Sooner or later, they begin to look for the answer to the question "How can I learn to better understand my child?". During a quarrel or childish whims, it seems that a son or daughter — this is an alien from another planet with whom you can't find a common language. We hasten to upset and please parents. If you think so, then it does not seem to you at all. Children are really different. Not surprisingly, adults find it difficult to understand them. The good news is that it can be learned. Mutual understanding between children and parents — this is not a given, but constant work on relationships. And parents play the main role here.
- How to better understand your child
- Accept your child as he is
- Change with your child
- When setting boundaries, don do not forget to say that a child is allowed
- Be on side of the baby
- Don devalue the feelings and interests of the child
- Bad Behavior — this is a signal
- Books to help you better understand your child
How to better understand your child
Parents give a lot of effort to bring up good and necessary qualities in the child, give him support in life and pass on their values. On this path, they encounter childish disobedience, aggression, fears, stubbornness, infantilism, denial of authority, and many others. Trying to solve these problems, they make typical mistakes. Instead of understanding the cause of the child's behavior, they struggle with the symptoms. A in result — loss of trust, warm relations and understanding with child.
How to avoid all this and understand your child better? Even in difficult situations, it is possible if you reconsider your parenting principles.
Accept your child as he is
Parents find it difficult to give up their vision of the child and his future. But baby — it is a separate personality with its own advantages and disadvantages. Don get angry that he is who he is. Help develop your strengths and work on your weaknesses. Avoid the desire to change the child to your own or the generally accepted standard. For example, you can correct the fact that the child is constantly late, teach him time management. But you can't make a slow and introverted child into an active extrovert.
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Change with your child
The needs of a two year old are very different from those of a ten year old. Children are growing rapidly and their behavior, desires, thoughts are changing. In a year, it was important for him to constantly be near mom, in three — he is an active explorer of the world. Parents need to switch in time and adapt to the age of the child. This means that it will be necessary to talk, select arguments, show your love in different ways. If this is taken into account, then misunderstandings between parents and children will become much less.
When setting the boundaries of what is permitted, do not forget to say that the child is allowed
No — one of the first words a child hears. First, parents use it to protect the baby from danger, then to make him an obedient child. But any prohibitions in the life of a child should not should come first. Don't forget that the child — know this world. He will do it by any means available to him. On & nbsp; any "no" he will find his way around it.
Some parents perceive this as a challenge, and try their best to break the will and interest of the child. This is a slow but sure way to ruin relationships with children. Absolutely all children need boundaries of what is permitted. They help feel safe and develop. But don do not forget to explain to your children why something cannot be done and often say that it is possible for them.
Read also: How to speak so that children will listen and understand the first time
Be on the side of the child
In difficult situations, children are often afraid to contact their parents, because they are sure that they will not understand them, they will scold, criticize, intimidate or accuse. Many decide that it is better to deal with the situation themselves. Someone hides bad grades, and someone doesn't talk about school bullying. Sometimes children don't cope and tragedies happen that could have been prevented if adults intervened in time.
Therefore, do not rush with accusations and condemnation, especially in public. A child won't learn a lesson when he is attacked. If he is guilty, he may be held responsible for what he did. But this is not a reason to deprive him of parental love, protection and support.
Do not devalue the feelings and interests of the child
Adults are often under the illusion that children's affairs, fears, desires, hobbies — it's something that can be taken lightly. Think drawing scribbles! This is not a reason to buy new pencils, he and old broke everything. But for a small person who develops at cosmic speed, there are no unimportant things. All this forms his personality and worldview. Therefore, follow the hobbies of the child, be interested in his affairs and desires, support in all his undertakings.
Especially worth mentioning children's emotions. Children are very emotional. They openly express their feelings, which confuses parents. Adults often do not know what to do in such situations. They devalue the feelings of children: don’t cry, don’t scream, don’t be scared, it will heal, this is nonsense, stop whining. So the child learns to hide them away in themselves and ignore. But for psychological and physical health it is much more useful to teach children to manage their emotions and express them adequately.
Read also: Child has nightmares: what causes and how to deal
Bad Behavior — this is a signal
Children have a love for their parents and the desire to obey them. The child does not behave badly because he has a bad temper or because he specially tries to piss you off themselves. Bad behavior can be a signal that something is going wrong in his life. Perhaps the child lacks parental attention and acceptance, he feels pressure, his desires are ignored. In any case, the first thing to do is to deal with the cause of this behavior. And most often it does lie on the surface and concerns family relationships.
There are no perfect parents and perfect children. But the moments when a child is able to bring adults to a boiling point happen to everyone. Don't let negativity affect your relationship with your child. Contrary to popular belief, children do not act out of spite, most often they want to say that they need help and love.
Books to help you better understand your child
Every child is unique and no one can tell better than the parents what is best for them. But sometimes their own help and advice, which will help to understand issues of upbringing. We prepared a small list of books that have become hits among parents and helped many to better understand their child.
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Lyudmila Petranovskaya «Secret support. Attachment in the life of a child» and "If the child is difficult»
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John Gottman "The Emotional Intelligence of the Child. A Practical Guide for Parents»
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Eda Le Chang "If your child drives you crazy"
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Ekaterina Murashova "Your strange child"
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Nigel Latta "Before Your Baby Drives You Crazy"
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Maria Montessori «Children — others»
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Francoise Dolto "On the side of the child"
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Vladimir Levy «The New Non-Standard Child»
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Janusz Korczak "How to love a child"
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Jean Ledloff "How to Raise a Happy Child"
Read also: Physical punishment of children: why you shouldn't hit a child
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