How to teach a child independence — one of frequent parent requests. This quality makes life very easy and helps to achieve success in various areas of life. But independence does come to a child along with growing up. You can’t become independent just because a younger brother has appeared in the family, the child has become a schoolboy, or it’s time to choose a profession. This is learned gradually from a very young age, so parents need to be patient and learn to loosen control over their children.
- How to teach your child independence and loose control
- 1. Don't prohibit, but allow
- 2. Let's have freedom of choice
- 3. Consider the peculiarities of age
- 4. Please be patient
- 5. Don criticize mistakes
- 6. Teach your child to accept the consequences of his actions
- 7. Help your child create a daily routine
- 8. Define the child's responsibilities
- 9. Don rush to intervene
- 10. Be an example
How to teach your child to be independent and loose control
For parents, an independent child means that he can do something himself without reminders and pointers. But few are ready to give him real freedom even within reasonable limits. It turns out that parents think with double standards: they want to teach the child what they themselves are not ready to give. The reason for this may be increased anxiety for the child, own fears, prejudices and ignorance of how the child develops.
If you are interested in how to teach your child independence, then you will have to start with yourself. You will need to deal with your own anxiety, see the child as a separate personality and realize that overprotection also harms children, as complete indifference.
Parents will also need patience and understanding. Children from infancy strive for independence, want to try something, seek and learn. And the main thing here is not forbidding, but skillfully directing.
We hope these tips will help you along the path.
1. Don't prohibit, but allow
That and thing you can hear how parents strictly say: "No", "No", "I prohibit". There are so many of these prohibitions in the life of a child that they suppress his will and initiative. If all upbringing rests on these words, then the child will never learn to be independent. Especially in combination with hyperprotection. Track your speech and count how many times you forbid something to your child. Reduce bans to the bare minimum. Instead of endlessly pointing out to the child what is not allowed for him, tell him what is possible. Show how many alternatives he has, shift the emphasis from what is impossible to what is possible. You will see how it inspires children, and they no longer perceive "no" so painful.
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2. Let's have freedom of choice
Offer your child a reasonable choice of options that you deem appropriate. This way you sweeten the pill and show your child that you listen to their opinion and respect it. This works at any age, but it's important not to manipulate the child. The older the child gets, the more choices they should have.
3. Consider the peculiarities of age
The requirements of the parents must be reasonable and within the strength of the child of a certain age. When a child is given a task that he cannot complete, he becomes insecure and indecisive. Don't forget the importance of help supporting your child.
For example, three-year-olds cannot quickly dress themselves. Three-year-olds are slow, distracted, and don't feel time. There is no point in yelling at them and comparing to babies. This will not help, it will only suggest to the child that something is wrong with him. Alternatively, you can give him the task to wear only tights or a T-shirt, and help with the rest of the clothes.
First-graders know how to fold a briefcase, but they experience so much stress during the day that they forget about everything in the evening. Parents can remind him that it's time to get ready for tomorrow. Gradually, the range of tasks feasible for the child expands, and the participation of parents decreases.
4. Please be patient
Much faster and easier to do everything for the child. Wipe up spilled water after him, put clothes on him, gather him to school, choose a university. It makes no sense for a child to do something on his own if he has someone who will scream, but do everything himself.
Learn to restrain your impulses to help and accept the fact that the child will not do everything right away and the way you want.
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5. Don criticize mistakes
Of course, at first he will do poorly. And then the parents begin to criticize, scold, scold and compare the child with someone. A mistake is perceived as the end of the world. It seems that the child will remain clumsy for the rest of his life. The truth is that will will happen if he constantly hears his-addressed criticism.
Accept the child's mistakes as part of the process. This is his opportunity to learn to be independent. You can help him if you tell him what could have been done better, remind him of caution, praise him for good luck.
6. Teach your child to accept the consequences of his actions
Parents scolded, called for conscience, gave positive examples. And everything was fixed for the child. As a result, it turns out that he did in practice not realize and not feel that he did something bad or wrong. He may even have been punished, but some psychologists are sure that it will not do any good either. A child will only learn independence when he feels the consequences of his actions.
Start with simple and understandable things. For example, from care of your things, workplace, preparation for school. Gradually take less control of the process and let the child realize that his actions always have consequences.
7. Help your child make a daily routine
The daily routine, the basics of time management will help children become more independent and self-confident. The child must have free time, which he can use at their own discretion. Get visual aids for him: calendars, posters, stands with a daily schedule, albums, diaries. By making a plan for a day, a week, forming goals and his tasks, the child learns to manage his time effectively.
8. Define the child's responsibilities
Children — part of the family, which means they should take all possible part in her life. Kids can water the flowers, schoolchildren can clean their room, take out the trash, teenagers can help with shopping. Involve children in family affairs, let their area of \u200b\u200bresponsibility also include those tasks that benefit the whole family. For example, clean your desk — this is necessary for the child himself, so that he is comfortable to study. And here, if he vacuums the entire apartment, then will make it comfortable for every member of the family. So the child will learn to take care not only of themselves, but and the interests of their loved ones.
9. Don rush to intervene
When a child has a problem, parents are too quick to help. If this does not pose a threat to the life of the child or his psychological well-being, do not rush. Children are very resourceful, so they themselves can find a way out of the current situation. But be ready to give advice or point you in the right direction. And & nbsp; let him look for the solution to the problem himself.
Read also: How to praise your child correctly and constructively: 10 tips
10. Be an example
Children are very sensitive to double standards. If parents demand independence and responsibility from them, but they themselves are not, it will be difficult to teach this. It is the rules by which the family lives that will be a guide for the child. You can become independent where it is encouraged, where parents themselves are not afraid to take responsibility for their actions, they know how to accept their mistakes, where there is freedom of choice and respect for each other.
Independence — it is a set of skills that a child gradually learns from experience. It is impossible to learn this in a couple of days, so parents should follow the sequence in the upbringing. Often the process of learning to be independent can cause some inconvenience. But it will be an excellent foundation for the responsibility that a child comes to in adolescence.
Be Responsible — more difficult than just being independent. The child will have to be able to analyze his actions, predict the result and take responsibility for it. In order for a child to come to this, the parents will need a willingness to let go of themselves, to be an example and constantly seek a balance in education.
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