How to stop pretending: 11 steps to real you

In an strive to create the perfect picture, we often put on masks: pretend to themselves who are but would would like to be. Similarly, we hide our thoughts and feelings in order to please other people. Most often, the roots of this "disguise" grow up from childhood. In the moments the the the the the of child feels unsafe, it decides to be good so as not to be rejected. The results of this game are deplorable: a person is unhappy. How to stop pretending and reveal your true self to the world? There are several proven ways.

• Being yourself or being a "good person": an important choice
• Why do women often pretend in personal relationships
• How to stop pretending: 11 steps to the real you
• The main thing about getting rid of pretense and revealing yourself

Being yourself or being a "good person": an important choice

There are a lot of people who are judged as exceptionally "good" by others. They are always correct, help others, do not refuse requests. Usually these are ideal mothers, responsible colleagues and wonderful spouses. Everything is good, but... nothing good. Trying to please everyone — this is a direct path to complexes, neurosis, a decrease in already low self-esteem, a victim syndrome.

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Most often women pretend. From childhood, they receive installations of what they should be in order to please others. Non-compliance with this ideal makes one feel complex, feel "worse than others". Therefore, "good girls" they play their roles with all their might and in lose as a result. Relationships built on pretense always fail.

 Pretending has destructive reasons — fear of physical or mental pain, fear of loneliness, so it cannot give a healthy relationship. On the other hand, be yourself, show your true self — means not to be liked by many people. Both options have their downsides. If you stop pretending, you can find like-minded people and build wonderful relationships. And with a mask on soul it is much more difficult to do.

Read also: Femininity Revealed: Debunking Myths and Dealing with Concepts

Why do women often pretend in personal relationships

Women have a much harder time than men. Not only are they subject to increased requirements (to be a beautiful, sexy, caring wife and mother, a good housewife, easy and cheerful in society), they are also often contradictory. If a woman focuses on family, she may be called a home-grown, and if work — careerist.

Can apply to all standards? No chances. At the same time, women are intimidated that inconsistency leads to loneliness. Fear of being alone pushes to & nbsp; pretense. It requires colossal self-control, so sooner or later the forces run out. This leads to depressions, neuroses, tantrums and even deterioration of physical condition.

In the list of signs of pretense, the following stand out:

• Diligence and even obsequiousness.

• Low self-esteem.

• Dissatisfied with yourself.

• Submission, patience.

• Lack of attention to yourself and your needs.

Women deceive themselves first of all. So, playing the role of an over-patient wife, you can unexpectedly and  not to to the place break loose because of a trifle, throw a tantrum, say too much or do something stupid. Then an exhausting sense of guilt, emptiness and fear of being abandoned is guaranteed. Those who were deceived by an artificially created mask will recover from the blow. And the pretender will have to rebuild her image and be afraid that it collapses again.

Read also: How people fears affect life: ways to deal with fears

How to stop pretending: 11 steps to the real you

First, let's admit that you fake it, build a false image, and this is a problem. To make a decision to change the situation, you will have to analyze your behavior. Write a list of reasons why you wear masks, and then — those negative consequences that the pretense led to. This will give you the motivation to change.

How to stop pretending? We offer a step-by-step instruction:

1. Write down what you're trying to hide. Be honest with yourself. Perhaps you are driven by self-doubt, fear of loneliness or other phobias.

2. Choose 3 things that you would be proud of. It could be anything. For example, make it a rule to be proud of your name, surname, occupation.

3. Stop being ashamed of recessions. Tell yourself that  everyone has black and white stripes. Your period of failure will pass. Remind yourself of this every time you get discouraged.

4. Stop rushing. This applies to everything: communication, work, personal life, even the pace of speech. You succeed. Always in a hurry, you miss the most important thing.

5. Find out what life situations stress you the most. When do feel bad and look for flaws in yourself? Perhaps these are periods of quarrels with loved ones or lack of money. Promise yourself not to feel bad in those situations again.

6. Don't complicate your speech. Learn to speak simply so that people can easily understand what you mean. This will help you clear not speech, but and thought of verbal debris.

7. Listen more. Let the goal of your communication be understanding the interlocutor, and not reporting your own "deep" thoughts.

8. Take a sincere interest in people.You can learn a lot about the world around you, yours and make friends and keep relationships if you just start listening to people, being interested in the world. Ask questions to get a different opinion on issues that interest you.

9. Love yourself. Seriously. Treat yourself like the person you are madly afraid of losing. Please yourself, indulge, adore, as the most precious creature on the planet. Don't be afraid of losing other people, be afraid of hurting yourself.

10. Stop being afraid of others' judgment. Look people in the eyes when talking and don't care what they'll say about you. This does not mean that you should deliberately provoke conflicts.

11. Start a blog. Write what worries you. Be prepared for harsh criticism. At first, it will seem very painful. Then you get used to not paying attention to bile, but take into account useful points.

As you gradually open up to people, you will realize that you have become more respected. You can enhance the effect with Public Speaking. If there is an opportunity to speak in front of an audience, be sure to use it.

Read also: Mood and emotions: how they affect beauty and health

The main thing about getting rid of pretense and revealing yourself

A false image won't give you anything useful. Reveal the real you:

• Realize that you are the most precious person for yourself. Love yourself with all your heart.

• Clearly identify and write down the reasons why you fake it.

• Build relationships with people like you talk — I listen. Show sincere interest in & nbsp; interlocutors, ask questions.

• Don't don't be afraid to look people in the eyes and say what you think.

• Speak out to the public — in front of an audience or on a blog.

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You are beautiful with all your flaws and weaknesses. Remember this. Live life to the fullest and don't hide behind masks. The world will accept you just the way you are.

Read also: 5 easy exercises to help develop mindfulness

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