Нужно ли всех прощать: чем опасна затаенная обида

It is believed that the forgiveness of past grievances — it's a good thing, almost a panacea that helps to avoid many problems. But let's admit it frankly: far from  every offenders want to be forgiven. It painfully, some of them managed to annoy you. Someone impartially spoke about  your appearance or abilities, someone didn repay a debt or framed you at work. And what now — each of them just to "understand and forgive"?

Let's talk about whether forgiveness everyone.

How unforgiven grievances affect health

Resentment and unwillingness to forgive are usually accompanied by certain sensations: a constricted throat, a changed pulse rhythm, a rush of blood to face and and so on. All this — stress symptoms. In addition, all thoughts revolve around resentment, which makes it difficult to focus on more important things.

British scientists have found that disorders of the nervous system are the fourth most common cause of death. They are also indirectly involved in the increase in the number of suicides and diseases of the cardiovascular system. Therefore, to hold a grudge means to shorten one's life.

Read also: Causality: what it is and how it works

Why understand and forgive the offender — not  best way

So and — Should forgive everyone who has hurt your feelings or mistreated you? No. If you were really hurt for the living, resentment will still spoil the mood. Such feelings pass either after a few years, or having received an outlet in the form of revenge. A revenge — this is a direct road to new grievances and responses. Because of revenge, it happened that people and whole families died.

But if you will forgive everyone and remember no evil this will not end well either. The person who treated you badly once will do so again. Because now he knows that you forgive him.

Is it necessary to forgive everyone and forget past grievances

What shall it be? You can’t hide anger, you can’t forgive either. Don't worry, there is no contradiction here. Everything will immediately become clearer if you do not confuse forgiveness with carelessness. Even the proverb says: whoever remembers the old is out of his sight, and whoever forgets, both of them.

Hence the wisest decision — don don hold evil on heart, but don ignore negative experience from communication with the person who offended you.

Read also: What causes the desire to control everything

What to do if you can't handle your emotions

When the inflicted offense is still fresh and it s bitter in the soul, the advice «not keep evil in heart» might piss you off even more. It seems to a person that in this way his feelings are devalued. Let's talk about how it's easier to get rid of negative emotions.

Resentment — this is stress, and you can defeat it in the same ways that we resort when fighting other difficulties. Adrenaline is processed into energy, the ability to think sensibly and rationally returns. You can resort to meditation, take a contrast shower, watch a comedy.

They say that alcohol helps with stress, but this is not true. After a short euphoria, negative emotions will surge with renewed vigor. So drown your problems in wine — not exit. It is better to remove stress in other ways, and then think about the situation with a fresh head.


Fortunately, removing negative symptoms is quite easy. In our body, most of the processes work both ways. Let's say something nice happens. The brain processed the information and gave the command to the endocrine glands to secrete endorphins, hormones of happiness. Under the influence of endorphins, the pulse quickens, the gait begins to spring, a smile appears on the face.

But you can do the opposite  By force of will, you straighten your shoulders and begin to smile. Yes, it's an artificial smile. But your brain believes it and releasing endorphins into blood! And here you are already full of energy and ready for new achievements. Even patients with clinical depression are recommended to spend half an hour a day in front of a mirror, tensing the muscles of the face, as if smiling.

So, cherishing your grievances is pointless and even harmful. But it to to to forget about the lessons learned is also not worth   It is best to try to pull yourself together, control your feelings, and, armed with the experience gained, move on in life.

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