Sometimes when communicating with friends, relatives, boss and especially with a partner, conflicting feelings can arise: shame for your behavior (even if you did nothing wrong), fear, guilt or inferiority, etc. Such emotions arise in the event that they begin to psychologically put pressure on you, i.e. manipulate, warns estet-portal.com. Under the yoke of these feelings, you act as your interlocutor wants, even if you think that this is not right and this is your unnatural behavior. What methods of manipulation are usually used and what makes a person do this and not otherwise?
Methods of manipulation and how to defeat them?
Getting under manipulative pressure is much easier than it seems. Sometimes we think that a partner appreciates and loves us so much that he tries to know our every step, lay a straw so that we don’t hit. And in fact – he is a skilled manipulator.
If there are too many signs of love
If you met a man who, almost from the first day of meeting, says that he fell in love with you at first sight, you should be wary. Such people will be:
- Give you small gifts,
- Talk every 5 minutes about how I feel about you.
- Kissing and expressing your "love" in other ways,
- To show inappropriate concern, especially in public,
- Playing a lover for show.
This is the first step in – hook you with my big feelings.
Yes, and what girl can resist when they tell her 10 times a day that she is beautiful, smart and unique in everything. Be careful, this is how narcissists and psychopaths usually behave.
If you can't step a step without his control
Sweet, caring bunny, that's how you feel when your man starts struggling to find out more about you. He is interested in literally everything:
- What kind of underwear do you wear,
- Where were you last night,
- How is your mother.
- Which sites do you visit the most,
- Who is calling you, etc.
At the beginning – it looks like sincere concern for your person, but over time, you begin to understand that he controls all areas of your life. He knows the phone numbers of all your friends, hints at what you should do and what you should refrain from. What you used to decide for yourself, now he decides for you. Such total control leads to unhealthy relationships and personal discomfort.
Read also: What is worth sacrificing for your loved one
The best protection – this is an attack
Sometimes the manipulators start to sing praises to themselves, saying:
- how wonderful they are,
- what a wonderful character they have,
- how they help people,
- how well they cope in critical situations.
Drumming this information into you day after day, they achieve that you begin to unconditionally believe in their crystal honesty and devotion, care and unlimited understanding of your problems. When conflict situations happen, you are already inclined to delve into your own shortcomings, perceiving their sinlessness as an axiom. So manipulators hang all their mistakes and shortcomings on you, because there must be someone to blame, why not you?
Responsibility manipulation
Skillful manipulators can skillfully project their unseemly behavior onto you, and you will be responsible for it. For example:
- he raised his hand to you – it was you who brought him up with your behavior,
- he took your money – You put him in an awkward situation by not letting him take,
- he cheated on you – “Look how you look, who would want you like that” etc.
Thus, by manipulating your behavior day after day, they skillfully sow in your soul a sense of guilt for their own actions.
Criticism that destroys
The best way to level your achievements and lower your self-esteem is criticism. And not criticism on the merits, but simply the destruction of you as a worthwhile person. Everything you know how to do, how you look, is shown in a negative light. If you have completed the courses, he may say that they will not help you anyway, because you do not become a specialist in a short time. If you decide to do yoga, he will say that this is nonsense and nothing will help your appearance.
Over time, the manipulator can convince you of his own worthlessness so much that you yourself will believe it.
The carrot and stick method
The manipulator always knows how to make sure that you don't leave him. He will do everything in his power to make you feel safe with him. And then at one fine moment it will make it clear that it is time for you to leave without an objective reason.
After feigning cold detachment for a while and making you go crazy, he will again say that everything is OK, you can continue the relationship. And so on ad infinitum. Until you have no self-respect. All of you are completely addicted.
How Shame Is Developed
The most common phrase of a manipulator is that you are to blame for everything. No matter how he behaves, he will look for your fault in everything. Even if he used violence against you, he will say that your emotions are abnormal, that it is better to remain silent about what happened, otherwise he will be ashamed of you.
Creating shame for:
- excessive emotionality,
- need to be yourself,
he achieves that you become ashamed of everything that happens to you. Shame simply does not leave you and this gives the manipulator a sense of impunity in their actions.
A new way to manipulate – gaslighting
If you find yourself in the full power of a manipulator, in order to consolidate his power over you, he will not give you the opportunity to get out of the networks and will even be able to make you believe that he did nothing wrong. He will skillfully make you doubt the reality of what is happening:
- you came up with it yourself and believed in it,
- it just seemed so easy to you,
- it wasn't like that, you have a wild fantasy.
and so on ad infinitum. Skillfully laying out their nets, manipulators develop in us fear, self-doubt, a feeling of uselessness, doubt in our mental development, etc. If you feel that your relationship is moving to an unhealthy plane, run away from such a person before it's too late.
Have you met manipulations, share your experience on estet-portal.com.
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