The role of a mistress: how long can you wait

The severity of morals is a thing of the past, in our time, a woman who has an intimate relationship with a married man is by no means threatened by the prospect of being rejected in society, because the role of a mistress has long been considered shameful. Moreover, many of our contemporaries consciously choose this status and agree to be responsible for their choice.
What motives and reasons push them on this path? Are there real prospects for such a relationship and, most importantly, can a woman be truly happy trying to build a relationship with a married man? Together with estet-portal.com we will try to comprehensively cover this difficult issue and find comprehensive answers to many topical questions.

• Mistress role: if it is a conscious choice
• Again, low self-esteem is to blame
• What is more important: the status or the nature of the relationship
• How to be happy while being a lover

The role of the mistress: if it is a conscious choice

First of all, we note that a variety of women have regular and long-term relationships with an unfree man. And some (the most naive of them) continue to believe in the fairy tale as old as the world that you need to be patient a little more – and everything will magically change, and yesterday's mistress will acquire the much-desired status of a legal wife.

But now we'll talk about girls who have long since taken off their rose-colored glasses, and who perfectly understand that their married boyfriend is in no hurry to break family ties for them. What makes our smart, educated and self-aware contemporaries accept the role of mistress?

Psychologists researching this issue identify some of the most typical reasons that prompt a girl to accept the role of a secret lover:

• The status of a mistress is quite suitable for girls who – for one reason or another, they do not strive for strong long-term relationships, however, they do not tolerate loneliness. We are not talking about love (and even more so, about jealousy), only the opportunity to establish a relatively stable intimate life and have a good time is important.

• No less relevant is the factor of material interest, when a girl, first of all, evaluates how wealthy and generous a man is. She does not believe too much in the proverb about "heaven in a hut", preferring "cute", with a thicker wallet – even if he is married.

• It also happens that a woman not only keeps in touch with a married man, but also brings up a joint child. In such cases, the man actually acts as a bigamist. Why do both women endure such a situation? There are many reasons, and among the main – fear of losing support, raising children alone.

And again, low self-esteem is to blame

Of course, we will not deny that love relationships, flirting, courtship and just the attention of a man bring pleasure.

But they also give rise to a lot of negative experiences when a woman is fully aware that the role of a mistress makes her:

• constantly share "his" a man with a legal wife;

• always stay in the shadows;

• renounce any guaranteed prospects of changing one's status;

• live in constant anxiety and expectation – after all, the rules in such cases are usually dictated by a man, but he is not free and cannot always dispose of his time at his own will.

And most importantly, public morality, although it has become more tolerant of mistresses, nevertheless rarely justifies such women, believing that they are the ones who take away completely respectable husbands and destroy families.
What makes girls agree to take such an unenviable position? Psychologists are convinced that the main reason is the girl's low self-esteem, which managed to form as early as childhood.

With the position of a mistress, as a rule, put up with girls who have always been assigned a secondary role in the family. Even as an adult, she continues to believe that her destiny – it is dissatisfaction in love and far from the main role in the life of your chosen one.

Which is more important: the status or the nature of the relationship

So, starting an affair "on the side", a man, as a rule, finds himself in the most comfortable position when, after meeting with a secret lover, he finds himself in his own, cozy and familiar little world, where growing children play peacefully, the TV purrs and smells like delicious food. But should the mistress be content with her role?

If the situation is familiar to you not only from films and books, but also from personal experience, psychologists recommend that you first of all soberly assess what such relationships give you. At the same time, it is necessary to evaluate not dreams, vague prospects or unrealizable promises, but a completely real situation.

How spiritually close are you with your man? Can you always count on his help and support?
Let's not forget that our life is short, which means that you should not count on new, more fulfilling and happy relationships that will not arise on their own.

Alas, some features of female psychology create an insurmountable barrier to finding a new partner, as long as there is at least the slightest illusion of a stable relationship. Perhaps at the moment you are really satisfied with everything? If you know how to live in the present, without looking into the near or distant future, then the role of a lover will also be able to deliver many pleasant moments, which you will remember with warmth and a smile.

How to be happy while being a lover

As we have already noted, modern society is quite tolerant of girls who consciously remain in the status of mistresses. Everyone has the right to choose their own path to a happy life. Perhaps you believe that sooner or later your chosen one will officially ask for your hand?

To get closer to the desired goal, it is worth following some, not too complicated, rules:

1. Do not rush to take the initiative: your obsession will scare away a man, because in your relationship he values his freedom and the absence of any obligations. Do not call, send letters or SMS messages, let him continue to win your favor – so you warm up his interest.

2. Even if you want to completely devote yourself to a man, following his desires, you should not do this. Respect yourself, agree to a meeting if the place and time completely suit you. It’s not worth taking sick leave or time off for the sake of a date: respect yourself, live your life and your interests.

3. You should not believe all the promises that you hear from the lips of your beloved man. It is very likely that such "golden mountains" he promised more than once. Consider talking about the wife he is about to leave as part of a kind of game. It's even better if you just change the subject. In addition, the fewer promises you hear, the less disappointment you will experience in real life.

4. Enjoy the present, appreciate every minute that belongs only to you two. However, if the meeting did not take place – don't get depressed, you know he's not free.

5. Try to live life to the fullest, spend time with friends and your hobbies, meet men. After all, your partner does not consider himself obliged to be faithful to you, why can't you meet with someone who seemed interesting to you? Perhaps, during yoga or scuba diving classes, you will meet a worthy person who will give you an undivided sincere feeling, without humiliating the role of a mistress.

Any woman has the right to be happy, enjoy every minute of her life, give her love and build a strong relationship with her chosen one. However, agreeing to the role of a mistress, you may not hear the proposal of the hand of the heart, because not every man is looking for a serious relationship outside the family.

In most cases, this is just one of the ways to assert yourself, increase your self-esteem. And therefore, girls who consciously choose the status of a mistress should not have high hopes for a common future with their chosen one, because in extramarital relationships he is looking primarily for freshness and diversity, and not for the daily fulfillment of the "mandatory program".

For more interesting information on the psychology of family relationships, look at the website estet-portal.com.

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