Victim Syndrome: 5 steps from self-deprecation to freedom

Most of the of us act like victims sometimes, refusing personal responsibility and putting the blame for our problems on other people. This happens in moments of fatigue, when there is no strength. But then people usually take control of their lives. Those who have the victim syndrome behave in a completely different way. They inspire themselves that their life is completely subject to adverse circumstances, and changes are impossible.

• Where does it come from and how does the victim syndrome manifest itself
• Why don't victims do anything to change the situation
• 5 steps from victim to strong responsible person
• Highlights on victim syndrome and getting rid of it

Where does it come from and how does the victim syndrome manifest itself

Psychologists note that the victim syndrome is very common, but they still cannot accurately determine the "triggers" that work in the psyche. It is assumed that the reasons for its appearance may be a hereditary predisposition to & nbsp; disorders, powerful psychological trauma, parental mistakes in upbringing. Often, the syndrome of the victim appears in people who have had to face insurmountable obstacles or experience the grief of loss.

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The following behaviors are typical for victims:

• Denial of failure. Admitting mistakes is difficult for everyone, but people with victim syndrome not only refuse to see them, but and blame others if things don go wrong plan.

• Egocentricity. For the victims, only they, their opinions and conclusions exist. They cannot accept the idea that other people may see the problem from a different angle.

• A pessimistic view of life. There are only enemies around, circumstances are always unfavorable, and any deviations from the course of collapse — it's just luck.

• "The grass is greener in their garden."People with victim's syndrome are fiercely jealous of those around them, believing that they personally luck luck. And the behavior and manner of communication represent everything in a different way. The victims convince everyone of the correctness of their lifestyle.

• Painful craving for  recognition.Victims need constant approval, acceptance. If they think that their merits have been underestimated, they can throw a tantrum.

• Constant complaints. Victims — professional whiners. They discuss any topic solely in order to translate the conversation into the usual direction: to say and & nbsp; hear how bad everything is. They constantly strive to evoke pity for themselves.

Life can be approached from both the position of a strong personality, and from the position of a victim. This is a voluntary choice and you can change it at any time. Refusing to responsibility for one's own life leads to constant self-abasement. A man wastes his life trying to please others.

Read also: A student syndrome: how to allow yourself to be imperfect

Why don't victims do anything to change the situation

At at first glance, everything is simple. It is enough for the victim to take responsibility for himself, his actions, decisions, in order to gain self-respect, self-esteem, to stop considering himself the worst of all. In practice, everything is different. A person with  victim syndrome is in a comfort zone, locking himself in a cozy cocoon and closing himself off his own psychological problems.

From the  position of the victim, it is very convenient to manipulate others in the  style  I good and you don't love me». Causing guilt in other people, complaining about life, you can get a lot of benefits — recognition, praise, support and help. The benefits of sacrifice are undeniable. There is only one minus, but colossal: self-esteem is 100% dependent on others. While the victim delays his psychological maturation, life passes, and its quality is not at its best.

Read also: Why you feel lonely and how to deal with it

5 steps from victim to strong responsible personality

To get rid of the victim syndrome, you will have to work on yourself. It won't be easy, but the result is worth it: you will learn to control your self-esteem and build your life in accordance with your own desires. We offer a step-by-step algorithm of actions:

• Step 1. Recognize the problem and make a decision. If you are used to turning away from personal responsibility for life, you are so comfortable. But years pass, dreams don come true, and your own "I" not implemented. Do do really want to remain like this until the end of your days? If not, make a decision to take responsibility for failures.

• Step 2. Don let belittle your accomplishments.Remember your worth, constantly remind yourself of accomplishments of the past, recognize other people merits, and don allow others to belittle yours. In a difficult situation, think about how a strong person would act. Just do it.

• Step 3. Do not ask permission from others in those matters that concern you personally. We are talking about everyday situations. Report your plans, stating them as fact. Replace wording. The phrase "Can can exchange a sweater for another item?" it is better to replace it with "Please exchange this sweater for another item".

• Step 4. Be confident. All people are equal before each other. Accept it. Look into the eyes of the interlocutors, do not slouch, get rid of gestures that express nervousness. If you catch yourself in  complaints, stop them at the root.

• Step 5. Learn to refuse people. Don't want to help? Say "no",  ideally — delicately. It's difficult, but act out of your own interests, not    their interests. Accept that such behavior will cause disapproval.

Defend the right to your own opinion, demand the good quality of the goods and services you paid for. If you make a mistake, admit it, no matter how disgusting it may be. But you shouldn reproach yourself for blunders. Better plan and implement remedial actions. This is how responsible people behave, and you become just such a person.

Read also: Assertive behavior: what it is and how to develop it

Highlights on victim syndrome and getting rid of it

No one bothers to forever blame others for their failures, complain about circumstances. It's convenient to be a victim. But is it worth self-respect and putting off real life until later? If you are no longer ready to put up with this state of affairs, get out of the twilight of expectations and accept reality:

• Resolve not to shift responsibility to others.

• Forbid yourself to complain. Better spend that energy on solving problems.

• Remember your achievements, don let your merits belittled, appreciate others.

• Be confident. In  moments of doubt, think about what a confident person would do, do the same.

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Take responsibility on — it's scary, but this approach to life opens up new perspectives. Don't be afraid of difficulties. Very quickly you learn to deal with them without complaining and pessimism.

Read also: How to make more money: getting rid of settings on poverty

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