Each of us once criticized, and each of us once criticized. Criticism is an integral part of everyone's life. Someone reacts to it absolutely calmly, while someone cannot and does not know how to restrain their emotions, taking all the words to heart.
It is important to understand that only effective and good criticism is beneficial and can advance us in some way. About this estet-portal.com talked today with a practicing psychologist, coach, expert in business consulting, trainer Nesia Ferdman.
Learn about how to distinguish good, helpful criticism from undesirable criticism and how to respond to different types of criticism.
• What is criticism: what should it be
• Effective good criticism: why is it needed
• What types of reactions to criticism can you identify
• Which reaction is the most correct and why
What is criticism: what should it be
Let's start with the fact that everything I'm going to say now is my personal opinion. Many may agree or not, I will just share my attitude and my understanding of this, such a delicate topic.
Criticism is someone's judgment. Judgment or reasoning about something. For example, what I mean is criticism – this is when one person expresses his opinion, his judgment, his attitude, by the way, based on his personal experience, his memories, associations, and so on, in relation to the actions or inactions of another person.
Important: criticism of – this is just a personal opinion expressed aloud.
What makes this judgment a criticism? By the way, when we say the word "criticism" immediately there is some negative opinion, right?
For example, you did something and I say "I want to give you feedback" - it somehow sounds different than "I will now criticize."
And what's worth noting: no one warns before criticizing. (Laughs).
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Effective good criticism: why is it needed
If we talk about criticism at all, I prefer the expression "I want to share my thoughts on this" or "I want to give you feedback."
And in general, to express my thoughts about the actions or inactions of other people, I think it is appropriate only if I am asked or if I am an expert in this field in which to speak out. This is effective good criticism.
If you don't ask me, if you don't need it, if you are not my employee, if this is not accepted in our communication, if there is no place for this, then my judgment may be off topic. What right do I have to come up to you and say something?
Why is criticism needed in principle? Only if this judgment points you to some fact that you need.
Let's dwell on the fact that criticism is a judgment and it is important to understand the place, that is, when, to whom and for what.
You can look at it from two sides:
- Why am I doing this? What do I want to convey? How far can this advance a person?
- And is the second person ready to accept my words and is it the right place and situation for criticism?
It is also interesting to note that when we perceive the outside world and the actions of other people, we have our own judgment on everything and this is absolutely normal.
Let's say we watch someone walking down the street. We already have thoughts in our heads: “I like the way he is dressed / don’t like the way he is dressed,” or “I don’t care at all.” Yes, I came, I saw someone and the way he behaves, and I liked it or didn't like it. We have judgments in our heads all the time.
Can we say that we criticize someone all the time? I think not. The only difference between a critical and non-critical view of things – whether I voiced these thoughts out loud or not.
So you can say about all of us that we constantly criticize other people, thinking about them one way or another, but it would be correct to say that we criticize only when we say our thoughts out loud. And if these thoughts remained with me, in my head – then is my inner judgment, which I may or may not share.
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What types of reactions to criticism can you identify
I like a quote by writer Elbert Hubbard – “Do you want to avoid criticism — do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing.
Although it seems to me that even if you do nothing, say nothing, well, in general, lie quietly, you will still be criticized.
The first is your own attitude and understanding that there will always be those who don't like something about what you do or don't do. This is such an inner part that you just need to accept. This is a fact.
Second - we need to understand that we are not perfect. If a person believes that he is perfect, then our interview and this article are not for him. If a person believes that he never makes any mistakes or that he has nothing to improve or improve in himself – this is a problem of another plan.
Therefore, these two components – it is the foundation for receiving criticism.
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Which is the best response and why
What types of reactions are there, and which ones are more correct, I will also take from personal experience, from how I react to criticism.
You should always be asking yourself:
• “Can this judgment help me, can it advance me in some way?”
• "The person who tells me this," is this a person who is important to me?
And here I don't mean that this, of course, applies only to relatives and friends. It can be an expert in what he says now, then I can be sure that I will get good criticism. If he criticizes me, and I do not consider him an expert, then I simply will not take this criticism as something serious.
So one of the most important is who criticizes you. Yes, I may personally not like this person very much, but he really can be a professional in what he is talking about.
• "The one who tells me is the person who wants to 'strangle' me" or someone who wants the best for me? does it promote me or "kill" me?
What do I mean by "kills me" - this is when, after criticism, you don’t want to do anything at all. And if this is such a criticism, then I don’t pay any attention to such statements.
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The fact that we have a primary reaction, because no one likes to be criticized – this is absolutely normal.
But there are people who themselves say: “What are you doing? I love criticism - and I don't believe it. There is not a single person to whom even good criticism would be to their liking. Not! We are all uncomfortable. But after it became unpleasant for us, the next stage – is to ask ourselves the questions we discussed earlier.
Read more in the next interview with Nesia Ferdman on estet-portal.com.
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