Unconditional love for child — a hackneyed cliché that flows smoothly from one lecture for mothers to another. A stereotype has become entrenched in society that a woman should automatically experience an all-consuming sacrificial love for a baby even before his birth. Otherwise, it’s not a woman at all, but some kind of vicious mother. Even at the slightest hint of a lack of motherly love, society bursts into insults. And yet, more and more often, women decide to ask: “What should I do if I don’t love my child?”. Let's solve the problem.
- A mother's love doesn't always appear at once
- Reasons Why A Woman May Not Feel Love for Child
- "What to do if I don't love my child": 4 steps to love
- The main thing about bringing mother's love in yourself
A mother's love doesn't always appear immediately
Love is not turned on by pressing a button. Yes, many women experience a surge of tenderness for their newborn babies. This is instinct. But it works far from for everyone and not immediately. There are mothers who have to learn to love and accept their children. It is pointless and even harmful to blame them for this, because women already suffer from an acute sense of guilt, consider themselves bad mothers. The problem needs to be solved.
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Motherhood doesn't end, it only begins with the appearance of the baby. When giving birth to their first child, far from all women realize that being a mother — it's hard and forever. This thought takes some getting used to. Gradually, as the child grows, the mother includes him in her reality, becomes less irritated and no longer understands how she lived without the baby before. This process takes months. It cannot be sped up by magic.
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Reasons why a woman may not feel love for child
If you are confused and don't understand what to do if you don love your child, first try to understand the reasons. They can be:
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The emotional coldness of a mother. If you raised yourself without feeling maternal warmth, it is also difficult for you to give it to your child. Unloved daughters often become unloving mothers, but this is not a sentence.
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Doubts during pregnancy. Happy future dad and mom stroking a growing tummy, — this is the perfect picture. In & nbsp; life, everything is much more complicated. Often, a mother doubts whether to give birth to a child or have an abortion. It leaves its mark on the psyche, and love not especially desired baby is difficult.
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Difficult pregnancy and/or childbirth. Pain and worries can also greatly affect the mother to baby.
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The inability to express feelings. Moms often feel love, but it it it to express it through hugs and kisses. Their love language — care. In such cases, you should simply understand that tactile contact is just as important for the child as care.
Lack of support and help. A driven, sleepy mother feels only irritation, fatigue and anger. You need to learn to ask loved ones for help.
Difficult financial situation. If a mother worries every minute about financial security, she doesn have enough strength for child.
Physical abuse in childhood. There are mothers who are afraid to remember their own childhood. In order not to experience pain, they distance themselves from their own children.
Birth for the sake of marriage. With a marriage that was contracted because of pregnancy, everything is not so simple. If a woman has used a child as a tool for marriage, it's difficult for her to love.
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"What to do if I don't love my child": 4 steps to loveIdeally, you should contact a good psychologist. He will help to understand feelings and solve the problem. Unfortunately, for many mothers, this option is not available for various reasons. Try not to panic and listen to the wise advice of experienced moms:
Don't rush things. If the baby hasn't been born yet, and you're already worried that you don't love him, relax. It is not worth sounding the alarm before the baby comes into the & nbsp; world. It is quite possible that absolute love will fill your entire being at the moment of the first feeding. Resolve not to blame yourself, even if it doesn not happen.
Take good care of yourself. You need peace and rest. You can't love a child if you don't feel your own body.
Give yourself time to get used to it. The birth of a child, especially the first, — this is the moment when you just start getting to know a new family member. Get to know it, get used to it, and don't get hung up on love. It can manifest itself in different ways.
Give your child as much time as you can. Housework can wait. Be constantly close to the baby, hug him, even if you don feel nothing special for him. You need tactile contact as much as your baby.
Read also: An only child in family: how to bring up
The main thing about bringing mother's love in yourselfIf you're not lucky to be among the lucky ones who were immediately covered by a wave of maternal tenderness, accept it. Love for a child can be revealed in oneself gradually:
Honestly admit your fears to yourself. You surely feel what stops you, prevents you from fully surrendering to your mother's love.
Don't consider yourself a bad mother. If there is no tenderness, that doesn s s s said nothing. Decide once and for all that you are the best mother for your child of all. You make mistakes and that is normal.
Give your child maximum attention. People love those who are taken care of. When you take care of a baby, you will inevitably love him. It will just take some time.
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