What not to say to a child: avoid these phrases

When adults communicate with other adults, they choose their words carefully. Many are afraid and afraid of offending or hurting others. However, when dealing with children, parents are not so careful and delicate. For educational purposes, in anger, under the influence of fatigue, mom and dad say things that cannot be said to a child under any circumstances. These phrases are not just offensive, they imperceptibly destroy the personality of the child, are forever fixed in the subconscious and poison the rest of life.

• What not to say to a child: 10 forbidden phrases
• A short reminder: how not to hurt your child with a word

What not to say to a child: 10 forbidden phrases

Often, parents throw words out of habit. So their parents spoke to them, and these phrases firmly settled in their consciousness as educational and motivating. Someone doesn not at all think about what you can't tell your child, but what you can. But if you want to raise a happy, self-confident, success-oriented child, then you have to start with yourself. Remember that parenting literally shapes the child and determines their life path in many ways.

So, what phrases are better to avoid in a conversation with a child, even when he got you and brought you to white heat:

"Shut up!"

What's wrong with the phrase: parents put a ban on the opinions and feelings of the child. They put rudely and in raised voices, demanding unquestioning obedience. The child is told that his voice is not important, his main task — obey. Is it surprising that commands and orders contribute neither to childish self-confidence nor creativity?

Which is better to say: To begin with, you should take a deep breath and let yourself calm down. Children take an example from parents and copy their model of behavior. Show how to get out of conflict situations calmly. Instead of ordering, try saying: "I" heard you, "I" don't understand what you're saying, let's calm down first, "Give me time to think, be quiet for a minute."

"Take an example" with..."

What's wrong with the phrase: the good old comparisons of children to other children or adults when they were children backfire. Parents want to motivate the child to become better, but in fact they cause envy, resentment, jealousy in  Sometimes a child decides, since he isn't good enough, then and it it is not worth trying, anyway, nothing good will come of him. Criticism and  comparisons can also cause a craving for  eternal rivalry, a desire to be the best, to prove that he is capable of something. In any case, children who are constantly being compared to others suffer from doubt in themselves and resentment.

What is better to say: it is better to remain silent. A child can only be compared with himself.

"I I only love you good/beautiful/calm/excellent..."

What is wrong with the phrase: parental love has no conditions and it is important for the child to show that we love him with anyone, with all the advantages and disadvantages, successes and defeats. We may not like his behavior, habits, but not she herself. The phrase «I love only...» parents, unfortunately, set conditions for the child when he/nbsp;must deserve their love. The child is forced to meet other people's expectations, to worry that he doesn worthy of being loved, not to accept himself as he is.

Which is better to say: unconditional parental love — strong amulet for a child. But that doesn doesn mean that bad behavior should be encouraged. You can say: "I love you, of course, but your behavior is beyond all reasonable limits."

Read also: How to keep a child out of life: obsessive care

"Take it, just leave me alone..."

What's wrong with the phrase: from the position of an adult parent suddenly switches to the role of a capricious child. He no longer controls the situation and puts the child in in charge. Only this burden is beyond the power of a child. He needs a confident and caring adult, not another child. Such a parent is easy to manipulate, the main thing is to find his pain point. Ultimately, this deprives the child of self-confidence and a sense of security.

What is better to say: When a child really wants something that is impossible, you need to express sympathy and  understanding: "I know that you really want sweets, you love them and  your favorite food. But you can't right now because...”. Be sure to explain to your child the reasons for restrictions and prohibitions in simple and accessible words. But try to stick to the chosen line, and don't give the child a reason to think that if you cry a lot, mom will still buy a lollipop.

"Stop crying/whining"

What's wrong with the phrase: parents deny the depth of the child's feelings, devalue his experiences and situation. Children are very emotional by nature, the task of parents — teach them to manage their emotions, and not to hid deep into themselves. Unshed tears often turn into & nbsp; psychosomatic illnesses, stress and & nbsp; misunderstanding of one's feelings.

Which is better to say: in any situation, you must first console the child, and then find out what happened.

 I leave, and you stay»

What's wrong with the phrase: parents try to threaten the child to do what they want. And they resort to one of the strongest childhood fears — to be left alone, without his adult. This gives rise to fear that his mother can really leave him, leave him alone in this world.

Which is better to say: negotiate with the child, suggesting safer alternatives. "If we go home now, then we will have time to read your favorite bed story».

"All for you"

What's wrong with the phrase: parents are ready to make any sacrifices for the sake of children. However, their children did not ask and should not at be responsible for how the fate of their parents was. The phrases «we for you, and you», «I work so that you have everything» adults make children feel guilty about being born and feeling they will have to repay their parents.

What is better to say: don't put the happiness and success of the child in the main place, forgetting about yourself and your interests. He will not say thanks, yes and should not. Remember that happy children grow up with happy parents.

"Now the babay will pick you up"

What's wrong with the phrase: this phrase has many options (I'll give it to my uncle, I'll call the policeman, Baba Yaga will take it away). Parents seem to tell the child that the world — a dangerous place and we will protect you if you are not the way we want. In children rejection of themselves is formed, and fear of life.

Which is better to say: find a way to deal with the child without threats and manipulation.

Read also: How to Raise a Happy Optimistic Child

"If you do this, then I'll buy it"

What wrong with the phrase: is one of the easiest and effective ways to get the desired result from the child. He, of course, will try to improve his grades, clean the room, read a book for a financial reward. But this is all external motivation, for which you will constantly need to sweeten the pill for him. And  here internal motivation helps to achieve success, when the child himself came to understanding what to learn — this is useful and interesting.

What better to say: Developing intrinsic motivation is more difficult. To do this, you need to give the child the opportunity to make mistakes, look for himself, be independent and be responsible for his actions.

"You will become a janitor!"

What's wrong with the phrase: some parents start worrying about the future of the child right from the diaper. Own ambitions make you demand the best results from the child, the bars and ideals are set. In first grade, he should already be thinking about the future and working for his success. Thus, the child is deprived of childhood and their choice is imposed. As a result, children quickly burn out, experience stress, fear of the future, self-doubt.

Which is better to say:childhood — this is an important period in the life of a child, when he needs to play, communicate, learn. Help him find his talents, understand himself, and develop what he does best. Then he will definitely find his professional path when he grows up.

Quick reminder: how not to hurt your child with a word

Words can hurt and, if used carelessly, cause psychological trauma to a child. When the situation gets out of hand, parents should remember that they must remain loving and caring adults. Not all phrases have an educational effect. Acting from the best of intentions, parents reward the child with complexes and fears. To avoid this, at a critical moment you need to:

• First of all, deal with your own emotions;

• calm down the child and negotiate with them;

• not to assess the personality of the child, but only his actions;

• teaching your child to deal with their own emotions and correct their mistakes.

Read also: How to speak so that children will listen and understand the first time

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